Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Noel Bartocci felt the very strong urge to contribute. As on who is often taken by strong urges, I totally endulged him. Please enjoy his review of the second Human Centipede flick.


If this movie had a face I would want to fucking punch it.


Too much? Let me explain.


This movie is offensively terrible. Not offensive because of the graphic violence. Not offensive because of the deplorable characters and the acts against humanity. Not even offensive because of the baby killing, explosive diarrhea, or sand paper masturbation scenes. No, this movie is offensive because it thinks you, the viewer, is a fucking moron.


This movie isn't just trying too hard, the opposite, in fact. It doesn't try hard enough to be more than what it is, but desperately thinks it is (are you following me). Worse yet, make it black and white, throw some disturbing images in there and call it "art." Fuck that. Substance is required and the only substance this movie deals with is shit. Literally.


Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is the film (I use the term 'film' real loosely) in question. I probably should have lead with that, but I got ahead of myself. I get upset when I think of it, so kudos to you, writer/director Tom Six. You've succeeded in penetrating my common nomenclature. Sure. It isn't very flattering, but any press is good press, right? Thats the only reason why this flick and it's predecessor have any traction. Face it, you've made career out of "grossing people out." Worse than Jackass, though. They have a sense of humor about it and I seriously doubt their exploits stoop to extreme sexual depravity.

Much like this article, my thoughts on the movie are constantly interrupted by how much I was taken aback by it's intention. Yes, intention. Every movie has an intention. Whether it's to inform, inspire, entertain, or explain, there's always a reason. Even the most ignorantly produced flicks merely aspire to coax a smile from the viewer (like every SyFy original picture ever made). This movie's intention is debatable, I suppose. I have no idea, really what they intended to tell us.


The set up is inspiring, creating a situation where the first film doesn't have to be seen (in fact, I still haven't). HC2:FS follows a grotesquely shaped and always sweaty parking attendant with a mother that blames him for his father's sexual abuse. Our "hero" has an unnatural obsession with this movie called Human Centipede. Yes, this sequel is in the "real world" while the first film is in "movieland." Self-important move number one, but not a deal breaker. It seemed to be a very brave and bold storytelling choice, catapulted by the first film's global reception. The idea of this movie being informed by the so called despicable first film. Imagine if someone WAS sadistaically inspired by the first film. It's a great idea. One of two fun ideas that the movie has. The other is a fun inclusion of an actress featured in part one. All the good will derived from these choices is lost by the shitty that follows.


I've already written too much about this movie and getting into the actual details of plot is a losing battle. If you decide to watch this flick, go for it. Just know that you are about to embark on 100 minutes of a film-school-hack's self importance being flickered on the screen. This movie is going to talk down to you and when you point out a hole in plot, motivation, or sense, it'll claim it was intentional and mock you for not "getting it" because it's "art." Quit fucking around, Mr. Six. No one gets it because there's nothing there. Calling this a horror movie or thriller is like calling a porno romantic comedy or erotic drama (no offense to porn). Hell, at least porn knows what it is and embraces it. I can't say the same for this.

 

Posted with Blogsy

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 17

Well, holy hell! I've got some delicious fare for you this week. There's something for everyone here, including sexy 70's babes, horrific gore, delightful drive-in fare and nostalgia aplenty. Enjoy!

 

Chuck Francisco is a columnist for Mania writing Saturday Shock-O-Rama, the weekly look into classic cult, horror and sci-fi. He is a horror co-host of two monthly film series at the world famous Colonial Theatre in Phoenixville, PA (home of 1958's 'The Blob'): First Friday Fright Nights and Colonial Cult Cinema.You can delve further into his love of all things weird and campy on his blog, The Midnight Cheese or hear him occasionally guesting on eminent podcast You've Got Geek.

 

Top 3 David Carradine Characters

A lot of ideas spooled up and whipped past the front and center of my mind this past week whilst I was penning my tribute to lost actor David Carradine for my column on Mania.com (handy link). Unfortunately, many of them didn't fit the context of that article and could not be included. Luckily I've got the Midnight Cheese to catch those left over vitals, which I've chosen to sautée and serve to you in list form. On the third anniversary of his early exit, stage right, here are my top three favorite characters played by David Carradine. If you've already read this week's Shock-O-Rama, none of this will come as any great surprise (though the ordering arrangement most).

Frankenstein (Deathrace 2000 - 1975)

While I consider Deathrace 2000 the most influential of Carradine's films on me personally, the character he plays here is not my absolute favorite. What isn't to love through about a man who's supposed to have been rebuilt more than Darth Vader when really he's just the newest in a line of trained and costumed imitators? He's sort of like Elvis, if an impersonator secretly took his place each time he died. I want you to seek this film out and so I won't spoil too much here. Let me just say that Frank has the oddest hand grenade ever captured on film thus far.

The Blind Man (Circle of Iron - 1978)

This is only one of four roles played by Carradine in this cinematic instruction manual on eastern philosophy. The Blind Man is most certainly a huge inspiration for the title character of Tarantino's Kill Bill films. He plays a large bamboo flute, which doubles as an effective weapon; he speaks in the seer sing song of riddles and unknowable truthes; and he is much deadlier that he ever comes off in both appearance and conversation. I gave Circle of Iron it's own write up here. Check it out and then see the film.

Bill (Kill Bill Vol. 2 - 2004)

Being the collected embodiment of all of his cult characters who'd come before, there's no way it could be anyone else but Bill. Every monologue delivered is classic Carradine, here movement measured and ever frame showcases another of the hundred ways which he's just so fucking cool. The scene where he plays the flute while telling the bride a tale is one of my favorite committed to film.

So celebrate the legacy, watch an awesome flick and tell you friends about just how bitchin' rad David Caaradine was.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 15

Greetings and salutations dear readers. Like Iron Man's armor, the Trailer Dump has leveled up and taken a massive leap forward. It's now a self contained entity, encapsulating all the good that you've come to expect, including cheesy trailers, intermission bumpers and solicitations to visit the, sometimes frightening, concessions stand. I've assembled all this on one platform: my iPhone (damn I love technology). Still a work in progress, I'd appreciate feedback.

 

I'm also writing a new weekly series for Mania entitled Saturday Shock-O-Rama. You can find my first go around right here: Count Yorga, Vampire

See you on the flip side.

 

What is the 'Cheese? How do you define the 'Cheese?

What the heck is the Midnight Cheese all about? It's a poignant question for anyone to bring up and it might surprise you to learn that even I am sometimes at a loss to provide a satisfying answer. Simple in scope, the Midnight Cheese is my attempt to spotlight the kinds of films many people haven't heard of or perhaps haven't paid attention to. More than that it's a prismatic sphere, taking into itself all of the different media I've digested over the years (including the manner of ingestion) and projects out a rudimentary recalling of the experience. The point, dear reader, is a catfish hiding in muddy waters. With the 'Cheese's recent reanimation, I thought it might be interesting to brainstorm out exactly what the Midnight Cheese is supposed to be. Ride shotgun with me and let's see where this leads.

The Midnight Cheese is USA Up All Night; Gilbert Gottfried and a bowl of popcorn. The lights are out and I'm half hidden under a blanket. Anyone who could run to my aid in the case that the budget horrors depicted on the small screen came alive was fast asleep. I could never quite stay up all night, fading to slumber somewhere along the seven hours which this programming would keep night owls close company. My viewership began before I could even comprehend their edited safe for TV sexploitation films and ran well into my high school years. The films didn't matter. In point of fact this is likely the largest contributing factor to my future love affair with what norms consider "bad movies". I owe USA Up All Night more than one hug could ever convey to an unsuspecting Gilbert Gottfried.

The Midnight Cheese is seeing a 35mm film among a crowd. It's the imperfections inherent in watching a 35 year old 35mm print; The snaps; the crackles; the pops. Knowing that as I behold light blasted across celluloid at 24 frames per second that it's source is forever changed, however minusculely. There's an exchange taking places as it looses some of it's once illustrious luster to effect me and as part of our viewing leaves it's mark in return on the reel. To be shipped across country with nefarious plans it will impact even more malleable minds during it's lifespan. The communal laughter. The quiet agreement during the most terrible moments, that we've all steeled ourselves against, but are still secretly horrified of is all part of the enjoy and the spectacle.

The Midnight Cheese is The Sunday mornings with only the post cartoon-block shenanigans of The Three Stooges to usher us into an afternoon of Godzilla and Rodan. These two and more were our first cultural ambassadors, fascinating us with our own shame reflected back in movie form and enjoyed by those far too young to realize such a thing was amiss. Later, pulp of the silver screen would manifest itself in new clothing as Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. The campy and corny and exactly what I'd expect out of a rainy Sunday morning.

The Midnight Cheese is staying up well past bed time. In youth it was to catch a glimpse of that which was forbidden. At present it's to put off the responsibilities of adultdom just another hour- to take in one more movie. It's seeing the latest horror release at midnight on a Thursday, with work to contend with at the crack of dawn.

The Midnight Cheese is Exhumed Films' Horrorthon, willing the mind to stay awake, refusing to submit to the slowness of 4:30am. It's the communal joy of First Friday Fright Nights at the Colonial theatre, resplendent in it's 108 year old dressings. It's the ridiculousness of tiger man. It's the fun of Cult Cinema shows. It's laughing at The rediculousness of Black Angles, it's groaning in horror at Teenage Mother.

It's enjoyment of the simple. It's giving a pass to the flaws. It's laughter with friends.

It's corny and it's cheesy and it's me laid bare. Certainly, we've got something in common.

Welcome to midnight.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 14

I love when witty subtitles are playfully and abusively applied to the main event's moniker. Serving as a supplemental dipping sauce, they're poised to enhance your full feature flavor. And so today's unfolding is entitled: The Trailer Dump XIV: 'Sploitating the Shit Outta You Sucka! There, that's more comfortable. Let's get this show on the road jive turkeys.

 

Hell Up in Harlem - (1973)

 

 

Sugar Hill - (1974)

 

 

Black Mama White Mama - (1973)

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.13

Here we find ourselves once again: me with the trailers, you with the wanting of the trailers. Have them, indulging in all their fresh squeezed delights.

Black Sunday (1960)

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

 

Interlude

 

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

 

 

eX-Fest II: Chatting with Jesse Nelson

There's an incompletion located somewhere within you. A sacrosanct sector which hasn't gotten sufficient nutritional intake. It's not your fault that the past decades haven't been kind to your ability to take in exploitation cinema with a raucous audience full of the deviant that you hide inside. Exhumed Films has your ticket though, hosting an annual exploitation marathon dubbed eX-Fest, which boasts a smorgasbord of flavors. With eX-Fest II just six days away, I asked Jesse Nelson (member of Exhumed Films and co-proprietor of Diabolik DVD) a bunch of questions which I've wanted to know the answers to.

Q: How did you get involved with Exhumed Films in the first place?

We met the guys that run GRINDHOUSE RELEASING while at Fantasia in
Montreal and decided that it would be fun to rent a few movies from
them, find a local theatre and have a halloween double feature. We
all threw in some money and resigned ourselves to the fact we might
lose it, but at least we would have a good time watching the movies.
To our surprise, people showed up and we decided to put the profits
back into a collective pool and start planning more shows. Back then
it was mostly word of mouth and handing out flyers - the internet was
a very small portion of what it is now.

Q: Since you guys primarily run horror, where did eX-Fest come from?

After the success of the 24hr fest, we decided we needed another big
show midway between the horror-thons, so we came up with a theme of 12
hours and movies we normally wouldn't show at the 24hr fest. Mainly
we wanted to watch a bunch of sleazy, non-horror movies with an
audience and we figured an "event" would bring people in and luckily
it did.

Q: What's been you absolute favorite show that Exhumed has run?

Easily Bruce Campbell at the Harwan. He was in town for a
Hercules/Xena convention and we managed to get ahold of him for a
screening of Evil Dead 2 at Midnight. He not only introduced the
movie, but did a Q&A and refused to leave until he signed something
for everyone. I think we managed to wrap it up around 5am. PLUS, he
gave us a low ball figure for the night and refused to take a penny
more. Very classy, funny and all around the most pleasant celebrity
experience despite the late night and that the AC had broken earlier
that day.


Q: How about favorite film? (that Exhumed has screened)

I love so many of the films we show, its hard to pick one out. Its
fun to show oddball things like PIECES and FAREWELL UNCLE TOM with a
crowd, but I think that THE THING is the film that I never tire of
watching with an audience.

Q: What's the film you'd most like to show but can not? (why not?)
Collectively it was DAWN OF THE DEAD, but we finally worked out that
rights issue last year. Aside from that there are some other things
that we have never been able to track down for one reason or another
such as HALLOWEEN 3 for example, but the thing I have wanted to show
from the beginning is Fulci's CONQUEST which doesn't seem to exist on
film any longer in any format.

Q: I've really enjoyed the smaller venue'd, 16mm shows at the Audubon
auction house from this past year. Where did that idea come from? (and
will there be more of them?)

The Auction house has a pretty tight weekend schedule, which is great
for them, but not great for us trying to schedule shows. We will have
more in the coming year for sure though. They actually contacted us
and wanted us to have a pop up theatre in there. They already had the
PA and the screen so all we had to do was provide the films and the
projectors - which is the great thing about 16mm.


Q: Since 1997, you guys have been housed in a number of
venues. Which do you feel was the coolest, which has the best vibe for
exhumed and which do you miss the most?

The Harwan was my favorite... It was a total dump and provided the
best vibe. You could smoke in the upstairs lounge!!! But the Hoyts
in Pennsauken was the best for us business wise. They didn't care
what we did, what we showed and how long we were there. It wasn't the
best vibe, but it had the best projection, sound and those amazing
seats! It would be great to have the 24hr fest there. To this day I
don't think the manager told corporate what he was doing and put that
money in his pocket for the rental - but that was fine by us.


Q: Who decided to end last year's eX-Fest with The Other Cinderella.
(fucking spectacular, btw)

I wanted to end this year's with a full on hardcore movie, but the
other guys were against it and I guess I was to some extent as well,
but damn it would have been fun! Harry is the exploitation guru in
the group and I don't even argue with the films he comes up with. If
he wants to show it, I want to see it!


Q: What's the most rewarding part of Exhumed for you?

Aside from the movies, which do become a bit tedious from time to time
(Evil Dead 2 again???) I really love meeting everyone and chatting
about movies and hearing the responses - which aren't always positive.
I feel like we have created a great horror community with Exhumed and
DiabolikDVD in the Philadelphia area and I love being involved with
that.

I'd like to thank Jesse for taking the time to answer my questions (and for always taking all my dollars at at the Diabolik DVD table each show!).

Check out my recap of last year's eX-Fest and then snag your tickets for this Sunday's event right here (precious few remain as of this writing). Then prepare yourself for twelve hours of mysterious mind blowing fare from all across the exploitation venue. If you waffle now, you'll be cursing yourself while you read my recap of the awesome flicks on display.

 

Mitchell Madness

Friends, I've contracted a deadly malady; one which erodes away the capacity for rationalizations and leaves behind in its gelatinous wake mashed Chuck brains. What affliction could this be? It's none other than Mitchell Madness. Yes Joe Don Baker has flattened my frontal cortex and left me a babbling parsnip with his super unappealing shenanigans as an alcoholic police detective named Mitchell (also the name of the film on display for mockery).

This film is at the central core vortex of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 minutia. This pivotal episode marks the departure of series creator and host Joel Hodgson and the introduction of Mike Nelson in the latter role for the remaining run of the show (Mike played many roles in his previous time on the show). For this reason alone the Mitchell episode, number 512, would warrant a regal place among the pantheon of MST. It just so happens to also present the perfect example of exactly why Mystery Science Theater 3000 is so very beloved even to this day: still receiving new DVD releases every few months.

And you too can contract the Mitchell Madness Malady with a few hundred other devoted MSTies. The Colonial Theatre (of 1958's The Blob fame) in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania is running an MST extravaganza this Friday evening. On top of a heaping helping of Mitchell, they'll also be screening episode 201 of heavy metal zombie riffing show Incognito Cinema Warriors XP as a bonus. And, as is usual with these events, there will preshow prize give aways and contests.

New for this screening is a custom show poster by artist Charles Moran. I could go about badly describing it to you but it would not be done justice.

Instead BEHOLD the badassery on display!

The show starts at 9:45pm but you should show up early to high five me and trade the fist bumps. And to get some of the awesome unrivaled Colonial popcorn. Tickets are only $8 and more details can be found HERE.

 

 

Looking Back at a Year of Repertory Hosting '11 (part 2)

And so here we find ourselves, staring down the barrel of 2012 with both hammers cocked and a twitchy inebriant manning the trigger which brings about a new year. Sincerely it's my hope that you look back at the year that was with delightful fondness but I understand if you need a little reminder about why you should appreciate the machinations of 2011. Before we delve into the second half of the year in horror, cult and scifi at The Colonial Theater, if you missed part one, check it out here and get up to speed.

Picking up were we left off, July is always an exciting month at The Colonial. In addition to the monthly First Friday Fright Night (FFFN) and Colonial Cult Cinema (CCC) shows, Blobfest is always held during the second weekend of the month this year's was one for the ages. It was also a sad time, a partings of ways. Bob Trate, creator and longtime host of FFFN, relocated to the greener pastures of Los Angeles but not before hosting one last film, the classicist of films: The Planet of the Apes.

With the departure of Mr.Trate, a gap was left to be filled. Joel Rickenback, host of eminent podcast You've Got Geek and local horror cinephile extraordinaire Nick Lombardo joined me (I'd been hosting the MST3K shows to this point) to continue to bring you a steady diet of the weird and wonderful. We also took this opportunity to refocus FFFN into a horror specific endeavor, spinning off cult, scifi, action and peculiar films into a new series dubbed Colonial Cult Cinema, which would kick off in August. We also made the conscious decision to only bring you films in 35mm print, the way they're meant to be seen (accept in the case of MST3K, which as a TV show was never actually committed to film and obviously baring print shipping issues). 

With all that having been said, let's bring you fully up to speed on 2011.

July

The Planet of the Apes - If it's possible to point out a film that holds up better than this one, I haven't come across it. This highly influential cultural touchstone is a phenomenal adventure which got even more love at the end of the month from the Exhumed Films crew, who ran the entire original Apes saga on the last day of the month. Happily, I attended both screenings.

MST3K episode #509 - The Girl in Lovers' Lane - This underrated episode marks the one year anniversary of our MST3K shows. Another invention exchange took place, this time more Gizmonic hopefuls strutted their homespun inventions. The winner? Charcoal boxer shorts which you never need change. Eeewww.

August
The Fog - No, not the remake. What's your boggle? John Carpenter's original masterpiece, which instilled in me the lifelong desire to live in a retrofitted lighthouse (I still want to). An all star cast, a perfectly crafted atmosphere, superb special effects and a master of film making at the top of his game, The Fog is a personal favorite of mine.

Jaws - Our most popular screening from 2010 makes a triumphant return to help kick off our Colonial Cult Cinema series and, just as before, it rocked the house. Side note: I love the voice over gentleman on this trailer. Love it.

September
Pieces - Despite the tag line in the trailer, Pieces really isn't exactly what you think that it is as depicted there. It's wacky, it's absurd, hell it's madcap. More than what it is, this film is an appetizer of that which we plan to bring you more of: slightly off the beaten track and more rarely screened in 35mm.

MST3K episode #1011 - The Horrors of Spider Island - Mike and the 'bots shred this former German nudie flick, which had all the naughty bits stripped out and a bad English dub track added before it was released into the American market. While this isn't as well remembered of an episode as some of the more popular ones, it is a personal favorite of mine and the riffing is super tight.

October
An American Werewolf in London - John Landis' monster man classic is a fantastic blend of humor and horror and contains the absolute coolest transformation ever captured, indeed it was revolutionary at the time. It was a sad night for the Phillies, who were knocked out of the playoffs while the film was unspooling. It's a good thing we had Landis to keep our mind off it. 

Friday the 13th - originally, this night was supposed to hold a screening of Walter Hill's amazing gang actioner, The Warriors, but the print for it was accidentally shipped to the wrong theater. Luckily, local print collector (and 1/4 of Exhumed Films) Harry Guerrero stepped in and with an rarely screened, pristine 35mm print of the UK cut of Friday the 13th. (we rescheduled The Warriors once the print was again available in November)
November
Nightbreed - One of our more unusual selections was undoubtably Clive Barker's seldom run Nightbreed. Why did we run it? Because you needed to see it. Because David Cronenberg plays an incredibly creepy and intelligent serial killer. Just because. Hopefully you didn't miss it. 

The Warriors - Ah! The harrowing tale of a group of hardcore soldiers, trapped miles behind enemy lines, forced to bop their way all the way back home. The Warriors is a venerated cult classic, with a passionate following. Many attended in costume. Awesome!

MST3K episode #424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - This is the seminal episode, one of the most popular and most peculiar. The Satellite of Love crews' take has granted Manos it's own cult following which has led to a sequel, a hand puppet play (Manos: The Hands of Felt) and, most recently, a film restoration project. Not at all shabby for a film made by a fertilizer salesman on a bet.December
Silent Night, Deadly Night - The film that taught us not to be naughty, lest Santa punish us. Or maybe the lesson was that wicked nuns breed psycho serial killers. Perhaps the best lesson is to never steal a kid's sled in the middle of the night or you'll loose your head. Santa Nick welcomed the Yule tide revellers to the Colonial in true Christmas fashion and good times were had by all! (and to all a good night!)

Die Hard - If I had to choose a favorite Christmas film, this would undoubtably be it. It clicks on so many levels, I honestly can't think of one thing I'd change. Sadly, there was a print shipping error and we didn't find out until just the day before the show that we wouldn't have one (in fact the only one) in time for the show. And while we always want to show you a 35mm print, that simply wasn't possible. Rather than cancel the show, we projected it via Blu-ray and a packed house enjoyed Christmas Bruce Willis style.

It's been a crazy and exciting year for Horror, cult and Scifi film buffs this year and we're absolutely prepared to kick butt and take names in twenty-twelve. Here's what we've got on tap for you (this is just what I can share with you so far!)

First Friday Fright Night

Friday the 13th part VII - January 13th

My Bloody Valentine - February 3rd

Night of the Creeps - March 2nd

Colonial Cult Cinema

The Big Lebowski - January 20th

MST3K: Time Chasers - February 17th

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - March 16th

MST3K: Mitchell - April 20th

The Room - May 18th

See you at the movies!

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 31

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

Trick 'r' Treat

Trick 'r' Treat, more than any other film, embodies the spirit of Halloween traditions. It's become a modern day cult classic and required Halloween viewing since it's home video release in 2009. Sadly, it was supposed to be a theatrical release in October 2007 and was intended to be the beginnings of a yearly Halloween release but for reasons still unknown Warner Brothers shelved this flick, never giving it a theatrical release. And so, because of this bonehead move, we've only been graced with one entry in this series. But it's cult status has been cemented by these actions and Sam, the spirit of Halloween from the film, has become a cult icon, appearing in commercials for the cable channel FEARnet all year long, counting down the days till their 24 hour Trick 'r' Treat-a-thon today.

For the uninitiated, Trick 'r' Treat is an anthology piece, which tells four macabre tales that are interwoven through various threads. Aside from featuring characters crossing over between stories, there is also the character of Sam, who is the protector of the traditions of Halloween. Sam appears in every tale somewhere and steps in to punish gross tradition violations when needed. The stories are fun and entertaining. This is a horror movie, with plenty of gore and monsters, but it's intention is never to scare you, rather it takes great pains to revel in the spirit and enjoyment of Halloween itself.

It's on FEARNet night now, give it a watch to night while you're giving out candy. You are giving out candy, right? I hope Sam doesn't have to come punish you...

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 10

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

The Monster Squad

I've ridden this Halloween count down celebration as though it were my trusted stallion, Nostalgia. Through the woods of aging and past the fortified walls of adulthood, I've spurred Nostalgia to ride swift and true. Continuing on this joyride through my yearly Halloween indulgences, we have The Monster Squad (1987). Fantastically, Fred Dekker weaves together the back stories of Universal's stable of horror icons; Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, which all come together in this delightful horror/comedy treat.



The story is an inspired take on the Van Helsing/Dracula struggle. One day every century the amulet of good, a supremely powerful artifact which can be used to banish evil beings from the world, is vulnerable to destruction. In the prologue, Van Helsing fails to complete the banishing ritual against Dracula, but his apprentice manages to sneak the amulet to America. Now we're again approaching the special day of vulnerability and it's up to the Monster Squad to prevent Dracula from retrieving the amulet, destroying it and enveloping the world in darkness!

The titular organization is composed of a group of kids who love the classic monsters and monster movies. They come across Van Helsing's diary, discover the truth and must set about stopping the worst from happening. These kids are us. More than many other films, The Monster Squad epitomizes what films are supposed to do: allow the audience to put themselves into the place of the protagonists and "ride along". In this case, these kids are us when we were kids. Think about it: they're unhealthily obsessed with horror films, idolize monsters, know all about their portrayed "weaknesses", constantly discuss all these things and they formed a tree house based club to do so. If this doesn't ring any bells for you, it's entirely likely that you're hopeless.

How does this fit the season? I'm delighted you asked.
For one, it's a perfect flick with which to introduce your wee little ones to monster movies. It's geared as adventure and comedy, rather than gory horror. For anther thing, lets look back at the list of famous monsters contained in the film: Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I've masqueraded as four of those five for various Halloweens in my youth. I suspect you have to some degree as well. Lastly, and for more than any other reason: it's FUN.



Horror can be sinister, it can be frightening, it can be cruel and remorseless but on Halloween it's also mischievous, wicked and delightfully fun. Shine a light on those darkness seeking horrors and enjoy.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 3

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

Night of the Living Dead

Romero's 1968 masterpiece ran on all the channels every Halloween when I was little. Yup, all six channels we had in those archaic, pre-cable television days. I think I may have fist seen it in '86 or '87 (around when I was six) and it made an immediate impact on me, as such things were apt to.

To this day, zombies are still my favorite flavor of the horror spectrum. The hopelessness that pervades the entire film, the surrounded feeling, the quiet desperation of those willing to fight back- these themes make Night of the Living Dead a timeless film that's especially fun around Halloween.

It shouldn't be too difficult to find a version to watch- there were issues with it's copyright- so you can usually find it on steaming services, no problem. It also usually gets air play on TMC the week before Halloween and is available on YouTube too. Just make sure to watch it in the original black and white.

If you've never seen it, now's the time ghouls and ghosties.

Manos: The Special Edition of Fate!

The best kind of DVD delivery is the one you completely forgot you ordered (and paid for). It's a scientific law- Uma Thurman’s dynamics of consumerism. So when I came home two nights past to find the Mystery Science Theater 3000: Manos the Hands of Fate two disc special edition in my mailbox, well I thought little Samhain (of Trick 'r' Treat fame) was dropping off my Halloween gift, early.


If you're unfamiliar with MST3K or it's treatment of the cheapie film Manos: The Hands of Fate shame on you let me illuminate you. Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the award winning TV show concerning the adventures of Joel, a man trapped in space by the (marginally) evil Dr. Forrester, and forced to watch the worst films imaginable, all in an effort to see what it will take to drive a man mad. Joel constructs two robot companions(Tom Servo and Crow) and, to keep himself sane, the trio mercilessly riff their way through the dregs of celluloid. Manos is considered by many fans to be one of, if not the very best episode of the entire ten season series.

Is it any wonder then that this popular episode has gotten the home video release treatment three times before (twice on DVD and once on VHS from Rhino)? What would motivate MSTies (MST3K fans) to purchase it yet again? For starters this two disk set is loaded with enough extras to bust Big McLargeHuge's pants at the seams. Most of them are excellent.

There’s a lot to love here, as far as features that would mutate this into a full fledged “special edition”. Most enamoring for me is the Group Therapy featurette, giving us more of the people we adore discussing the love and tender kindness they hold for Manos. Mary Jo, Trace, Frank and Joel spend about twenty minutes discussing all of the elements which came together forming the MSTie perfect storm. There’s certainly some retreaded information here for longtime fans but it’s mixed well with new insights while still being highly entertaining. The Mystery Science Theater Hour wraps, giving the stage to Mike Nelson in his Jack Perkins persona, are also included to sate the lust of the fans who so desire them. They’re charming and I always love the absurdly gleeful way Mike as Perkins delights on the oddest parts of the film being riffed.


There are two, count them (I know you won’t), two segments on Henry Jamison “Jam” Handy to behold. Jam Handy was, among other things, a prolific producer of educational film reels, mostly for the U.S. armed services and Chevrolet Motor Company. Many or all of these shorts are in the public domain and that’s how they ended up on MST3K. The shorts “Hired!” parts 1&2 feature famously on the episodes Bride of the Monster and Manos: The Hands of Fate. (Coincidentally, both are collected and shown together in this special edition release. “Just because we can” is the note from Shout! Factory. Marvellous)

The first segment, titled Jam handy to the Rescue! is a documentary that combines footage from an actual interview with Jam from 1966 with newly produced footage that serves as the framing story; it’s the “why” we would be watching this footage. This is fairly funny, though it misses on a few notes where the modern day interviewer (dressed, and with footage distressed ,to appear vintage) hams it up and plays on the cultural difference of 50 years ago.

The second segment on the subject of short educational films (and Jam Handy), titled My (Educational) Short Life, is an excellent interview with Joel Hodgson, creator of MST3K. The content of the interview is excellent, with some even more cool insights to genesisal evolutionary points of my favorite cow town puppet show. However, at least with my disc, the audio for this part was horribly distorted, as though Joel was speaking through a phone when it was clear this wasn’t the case.

There’s also another feature, this one on the film being riffed itself. Hotel Torgo is probably the weakest feature in this special edition, a fragility I’m willing to accept, given the meaty bulk already packed into this set. With walk-throughs of original filming locations it’s a retrospective worth watching, at least once.

If all of this isn't enough to whet your whistle (and you are an enormous glutton for punishment) the second disc also contains the entire original, unriffed version of Manos. Honestly? I'm betting you don't have the stones to watch this beast unriffed*.

*The Midnight Cheese takes no responsibility for your fragile, broken mind; the likeliest result if you attempt to watch Manos: The Hands of Fate, without the sanity preserving armor of MST3K.


Shout! Factory really knows what the MSTie crowd wants and is doing everything they can to placate us. The large release box sets continue to come fast and furious, including episodes never thought to be possible due to rights issues, and they're supplemented with barebones rerelease of popular out of print Rhino releases, of which there are certainly many. I can comfortably say that there hasn't been a better time to be a MSTie in the home video release market. I can only hope some other out of print, well beloved episodes get this level of treatment. cough Mitchell cough

If you’re in the Philadelphia area and can’t get enough of MST3K’s treatment of Manos: The Hands of Fate, you’re in luck! The Colonial Theatre, world famous for its role in 1958’s The Blob, is hosting a showing of it on November 11th. Until then, the Master is waiting for you. *haunting Torgo theme*

Chuck's Top 10 Horror Films of the Last Decade

Marvin the Macabre from The Montana Mancave Massacre put out a Bat Signal, requesting top 10 lists from the internet's horror-sphere. Below is my personal list, not that of the Entire Midnight Cheese crew. Some of them may also post theirs, I know Noel is working on his.

Before we get started, I just want to admit that this was not easy. I picked movies on two different factors: did they scare me and/or did I have fun watching them. I'm sure you'll disagree, but I've got the floor so just sip your latte and sit there captain mocha pants.

#10 - Freddy vs Jason - 2003
Directed by Ronny Yu

I don't want to hear it, ok? I waited my entire adolescence for this film to happen and you know what? It was fucking awesome. Sure the teenage characters where generic and forgettable, but you know they aren't at all why you went to see this movie. Robert Englund is at the top of his Freddy game. The only lamentable point is the lack of Kane Hodder as Jason.

#9 - Dawn of the Dead - 2004
Directed by Zach Snyder

Yeah the remake. Does it stand up to Romero's instrumental classic? Absolutely not, it's not even in the same league. However, when you judge it on it's own merits, it's a fun zombie ride. The cast is great, the action starts nearly right away and the credits sequence is satisfying, to say the least.

#8 - Rammbock: Berlin Undead - 2010
Directed by Marvin Kren

I wrote about it here. It's very Romero inspired and it does it right. While it has a short running time, ever minute is engaged to full effect. The best zombie film of 2010.

#7 - 28 Days Later - 2002
Directed by Danny Boyle

It would have been hard to have this list without this masterpiece, as so many of my favorites are zombie flicks and this is the movie that brought the sub genre back from the dead. That's funny to consider when you realize that there aren't any zombies in 28 Days Later! (the dead do not rise in the movie, do they smart ass?)

#6 - Land of the Dead - 2005
Directed by George Romero

His first entry in the Dead series since 'Day in '85 has a social message more meaningful today, six years later, than it did on release. Here we have the absolutely filthy wealthy, living in secluded luxury, while the rest of the surviving human population all live in slums. They're all surrounded by zombies, but the rich aren't any worse off for it and could care less even though the world outside has ended. And, oh yeah, it's a great zombie movie too.

#5 - [REC] - 2007
Directed by - Jaume Balaguero

[REC] is a first person perspective demon/zombie movie from Spain. Set inside a small, old apartment building that has been sealed off by the government, we see through the eyes of a TV reporter's camera man. It's awesome, it's creepy and it scared the crap out of me. It was remade a year later as Quarantine for American audiences, who where judged too stupid to see a subtitled movie. See the real movie.

#4 - Grindhouse - 2007
Directed by - Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez

So I'm cheating a bit, but I saw this as it was meant to be: as on long experience, replete with cheesy trailers and snipes and clocking in at over 3 hours long. I refused to purchase it on home video, even though I loved every minute of it, until it was available in it's original form, last year. This is fun, this is entertainment, more than anything, this "gets it".

#3 -Paranormal Activity - 2007, released 2009
Directed by - Oren Peli

The Internet is rife with stupid man-babies in an echo chamber who think they are movie critics and all believe that they hate this film, most sight-unseen. I'll admit that it's the least technically proficient film in this list, no question. However, it scared me like no other movie this decade. It's effective, it's frightening and it does exactly what a horror film is supposed to.

#2 - Trick 'r' Treat - 2007
Directed by Michael Dougherty

Shelved for two years, then released direct to DVD, this anthology film channels the delightful macabre of the Tales from the Crypt and Creepshow series'. It revels in dishing out comeuppance and is wicked fun. Its been added to my yearly Halloween watch list as it embodies the spirit of that day more than any other film I can think of. It's a travesty what Warner Brothers did to it's release and it's robbed it from it becoming a yearly sequel release, as the director intended.

#1 - Shaun of the Dead - 2004
Directed by Edgar Wright

Where do I start on the subject of this Rom-Com-Zom? (romantic comedy with zombies). For starters, it lovingly lifts from and homages to all things Romero. It's witty, it's charming, it's hysterically funny. And its full of bloody zombies. I've watched this movie dozens of times and love it every time. It clicks on all wavelength and is, in my opinion, the best horror flick this past decade.

So there you have it, you may disagree but I want to know your list. Reply in the comments so I can check it out.

Freaky Deaky

In your demented mind, how do you define
a "freak"?

Is your soul, so bold
to accept the few rest
and join them on this quest
to survive,
perhaps even to thrive?

You want to stare;
you have to.

Her body is bare,
he wants to share.
Will you?

Take her hand she's missing.
It's still possible to be kissing.
You may think you know
and she may seem below
but he won't go;
he can't.

You'll never experience a tale
of lust and dust,
of minds in jail,
of bubbles waiting to bust
on such a horrible scale.

Embrace the horror,
the sorrow.
It'll exist tomorrow.

They can accomplish more than you can imagine.
You may become the monster.
Scary to fathom
you may even want her.

There are no smaller worlds
and no bigger words
than those of a human,
than those of a freak.

Just a drop In Roger Corman's bucket

Midnight Cheese continues its salute to this week's birthday boy Roger Corman with a look at his 1959 social satire/fright flick A Bucket of Blood. Starring B-Movie badass Dick Miller, A Bucket of Blood is the twisted tale of Walter Paisley, busboy at the boho chic coffee house The Yellow Door. Square Walter yearns to be an artist like the beatnik poets and sculptors he serves every night. Unfortunately for Walter, he possesses no artistic skills and is mocked by the coffee house clientele on a nightly basis.

One night while trying to sculpt in vain, Walter accidentally kills his landlady's pet. Too upset with himself, Walter decides to hide the pet's body by covering it in clay. While doing so, Walter realizes that may be creating art. When he displays the corpse/statue at the coffee house the following evening,Walter's work is met with praise. Critics crown him the king of cool and demand to see more of his work. Walter decides to oblige them with my creations via the only muse he knows - murder.

Made at a time when the burgeoning beatnik scene was laying the foundation of the hippie counterculture of the sixties, Corman and screenwriter Charles B. Griffith spare no expense at skewering pretentious pop art posers and beatnik bozos. Artists who once branded Walter a tool of the establishment, begin to to heap praise upon him when they realize they can benefit from clinging to his coattails. Characters that discover the secret to Walter's "art" decide to turn a blind eye to his misdeeds once they realize they can profit from them. Add in poorly-written poems, drugged-out intellectuals and some really bad art and you've got a nifty little knock at Eisenhower-era hipsters.

In addition to satire, the Corman/Griffith team and their company of players deliver the chills, too. Walter's artwork is especially creepy and several of the murder set pieces are eerie. Miller is especially fine as Walter. During the first act of the movie, Miller wrings every drop of sympathy from the audience. We root for the mistreated busboy and are genuinely frightened for him when he commits his first accidental murder. By the end of the movie we loath Walter. Miller transforms him into a madman as well as a hipster consumed with being the art scene darling. Although Miller's acting resume is enormous, Walter Paisley is the actor's signature role. Miller and this character are so beloved by cult movie director Joe Dante that he's cast Miller in several movies as unrelated characters named Walter Paisley.

A Bucket of Blood is worth checking out if you haven't seen it. It's also a worthy addition to any B-Movie lovers DVD collection. You can still get the MGM distributed DVD from Amazon and other online retailers. It features the original trailer and a nice transfer. There are also a few public domain DVDs floating around but their quality is crap. A Bucket of Blood is also available from Netflix instant watch.