The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter

When mapping out my treasure hunt into Hammer's chest of riches (see part 1 and part 2 of this series), nothing could have prepared me for the sheer blinding awesome that is 1974's Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter. A quick and dirty glance over appropriate IMDB'age reveals that this is apparently the film that was Hammer Horror's iceberg; it's failure to resonate with audiences began the slow death of this storied production company. Having digested all Kronos has to offer, I can't even contemplate how this is possible.

Captain Kronos the man is a hardcore former soldier who's devoted his life to discovering vampire scourges and combating them at every turn. A master swordsman, he's a fantastic physical specimen; honed to both physical and mental edged perfection. He's a face melting metal bad ass traveling about the 1700's European country side, routing riotous villagers and bedding beautiful buxom Caroline Monroe.

He's accompanied by a faithful hunchbacked companion, who refuses to conform to normal cinematic stereotypes. Professor Hieronymus Grost is an arcane lore master of all things vampiric, musing at one point that "there are as many species of vampire as there are beasts of prey". He's a charming and charismatic personality, a master blacksmith, a stalwart companion and a great character. I absolutely loved every scene he's in, most especially the "chess scene" between him and Dr. Marcus.

It's evident from the outset that Hammer was attempting a reinvention of both vampire folklore and also themselves. Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter was designed to be a the first of a long running series staring rugged pre-Viggo Mortenson Horst Janson. He's contacted by an old war buddy, Dr.Marcus, to investigate the strange cases of young girls who are being found rapidly progressed to chronologically challenged hag status. Along the way Kronos frees a young, buxom Caroline Monroe from roadside stocks and invites her along to sexy ends. There's such a marvelous mystery presented within, that I've already said enough and will leave the baton at your feet to run with.

Sadly the film did very poorly at theaters (perhaps American audiences were worn out on Hammer by this point?) and so nothing ever came beyond this one film. Thinking back on it now in the rear view, Captain Kronos -Vampire Hunter was a decades forward thinking flick. The scientific method meets folk legend approach to reasoning out vampiric haunts and weaknesses heavily feels like best parts Hellboy and the logical explanation and methodical implementation of weapons and gadgets (all period appropriate) shows shades of these same aspects as presented in Batman Begins.

Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter is a swashbuckling, euro-gothic, manly-fisticuffs good time. It was sadly passed over and almost forgotten but now you can check it out on Netflix streaming. Try on something new, something sheer, something that might not be your size but might feel so nice next to your skin.

 

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.13

Here we find ourselves once again: me with the trailers, you with the wanting of the trailers. Have them, indulging in all their fresh squeezed delights.

Black Sunday (1960)

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

 

Interlude

 

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

 

 

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Part II

We've all got one: a segment of our nerdly obsessions which isn't quite as thoroughly clued in as might be expected. As I discussed in part one of this series (which I suggest reading before continuing) the truth of this disability is willfully and purposefully hidden from our contemporaries. I will not lower my head in that similar shame. My area of genre emptiness is Hammer Horror and I've set about filling in my knowledge like a veracious hair club for men candidate. Though I am admittedly on a much slower path to recovery, it can't be said that I'm motionless. So I tucked up to the table, draped the cloth to my neckline, and dove in mouth first.

Today's menu begins, centers and ends on 1970's Peter Cushing-less Horrors of Frankenstein. Instead Ralph Bates steps into the familiar digs of Victor Frankenstein. Bates was also in Taste the Blood of Dracula , another Hammer Horror film released that same month staring Christopher Lee, but might be best remembered as Dr.Jekyll in Dr.Jekyll & Sister Hyde (which I'm working on tracking down a copy of). What's fascinating about this specific retelling of the Mary Shelley story is what Bates brings to the table. In one instance he's friendly, amiable and charming. Split seconds tick off the clock and in that small sequence of time, he's now conniving, cold blooded and ruthless. Absent from the proceedings is the misunderstood, driven genius that we're so commonly presented with in the innumerable spinnings of the Frankenstein yarn.

The rest of the films' trappings can be found among those commonly attributed to period Hammer: lavish recycled gothic sets, lovely busted beauties bearing some flesh (though not as much as is customary) and a fantastically epic-esk score. Topping off the tank are a lovely scheming house keeper, a charming best friend to Victor, a fun grave robbing husband-wife pair and David "Darth Vader" Prowse- the latter looking burly and scarred as "The Monster".

Prepare for a bold proclamation. Horrors of Frankenstein has become my favorite film version of the classic Mary Shelley legend. There is just so much going on behind the calculating eyes of a young Victor Frankenstein, who will not be stopped in his goal of bringing about new life. The lies he connives are brilliant, the line between his ruthlessness and his charm so razor thin and his manipulation is so very subtle. The bottom line here is that you need to see this underrated monster movie. This might not be an easy task as it seems to only be available as an out of print DVD released in 2001 but if you've got a region free player, the Hammer collection is always available to you.

Next on my Blindspot list is Vampire Circus, which (as luck and fate have procreated in my favor), is playing in 35mm as part of the Colonial Theatre's First Friday Fright Night series on May 4th. See you at the midnight movies.

 

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No.11

Today's taste of trailer torture comes courtesy of Hammer Films. As you might recalled, I'm exploring my Hammer Horror Blind Spot.  As with ,any contemporary trailers, the voice over work is powerful and inspires dread, even if the outlandish claims may not hold true for audiences of today.

Enjoy my friendly fiends.

The Horror of Frankenstein

The Scars of Dracula

The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Women

The (Vincent) Price of Admission

Vincent Price spent many decades in the business of terrifying audiences in low budget horror on the silver screen. With his unmistakable one of a kind voice and that devilishly wicked smirk, which could mean you were seconds from death or just that he found something gruesomely funny, he was a staple of my childhood horror diet.

My top three Vincent Price horror flicks in order? Easy

-The House on Haunted Hill

-The Last Man on Earth

-The Tingler

Oh sure, one of the Dr.Phibes films would be a more popular choice. And there’s room for Phibes love in my heart still, along with all the roles that Price has played. He was a rare actor who could captivate the audience and win them to his side despite the foul deeds he may committing frame by frame in the dark of the matinee.

Have grown up in the 80’s, I’ve seen a good number of Vincent Price schlock films. They were the purview of my Saturday afternoons and my USA Up All Nights. However, I won’t sit here and tell you I’ve seen even half of his films, there’s just so many. This is an excellent gift though as a fantastic number of them are available to stream from Netflix (I call out anyone who says there is nothing good to watch on Netflix instant streaming, you’re either a liar or a fool and Vincent Price does not suffer fools!).

It was thus that I stumbled upon a new Price gem to check out last night: Theater of Blood. From the description, I was expecting a little bit of Dr.Phibes meets equal parts Frederick Loren from House on Haunted Hill with a dash of Professor Jarrod from House of Wax. Oh man was I wrong and it couldn’t have been better.

Theater of Blood focuses on Edward Lionheart (Price), a renowned London Shakespearean actor, who has been unceremonious snubbed for an award by a circle of critics. A year after he supposedly takes his life, members of the critics’ circle begin to die gruesomely and in line with famous deaths from within Shakespeare’s works, spectacularly staged. If this sounds like a lot of Price’s other work, it should come as no surprise. He crafted a career in the Macabre. This is not at all what you would expect though.

There is a sense of black humor infused in Theater of Blood. Many of the murders are played for laughs and Price really gets a chance to stretch his acting chops and get outside of his normal tropes as he moves seamlessly from world renowned Shakespearean actor to sleazy masseuse, shock television show host and even an effeminate hair dresser equipped with an enormous red perm. His character does this all in the name of enacting very elaborate plans for vengeance but even so it’s too much for one man to hope to do alone.

Enter Lionheart’s loyal band of drunk homeless misfits (Every believed dead, vengeance seeking, wounded pride, Shakespearean actor needs one). In what has to be one of the oddest quirks in an already quirky story, there is a group of a dozen or so drunks who follow Lionheart’s orders and don costumes to assist in murdering these critics. They even participate in some of them. He does keep them heavily supplied with booze but it’s still quite strange that they would be complicit in these killings.

If you’re looking for more Phibes or some of Price’s earlier gothic experiences, Theater of Blood will confuse you. But look, if you can relax a bit, withstand the onslaught of outrageous puns, enjoy watching snooty critics get their comeuppance or just really like combat scenes which include fencing whist on trampolines, then you will really enjoy the madcap and irreverent Theater of Blood.