Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Noel Bartocci felt the very strong urge to contribute. As on who is often taken by strong urges, I totally endulged him. Please enjoy his review of the second Human Centipede flick.


If this movie had a face I would want to fucking punch it.


Too much? Let me explain.


This movie is offensively terrible. Not offensive because of the graphic violence. Not offensive because of the deplorable characters and the acts against humanity. Not even offensive because of the baby killing, explosive diarrhea, or sand paper masturbation scenes. No, this movie is offensive because it thinks you, the viewer, is a fucking moron.


This movie isn't just trying too hard, the opposite, in fact. It doesn't try hard enough to be more than what it is, but desperately thinks it is (are you following me). Worse yet, make it black and white, throw some disturbing images in there and call it "art." Fuck that. Substance is required and the only substance this movie deals with is shit. Literally.


Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is the film (I use the term 'film' real loosely) in question. I probably should have lead with that, but I got ahead of myself. I get upset when I think of it, so kudos to you, writer/director Tom Six. You've succeeded in penetrating my common nomenclature. Sure. It isn't very flattering, but any press is good press, right? Thats the only reason why this flick and it's predecessor have any traction. Face it, you've made career out of "grossing people out." Worse than Jackass, though. They have a sense of humor about it and I seriously doubt their exploits stoop to extreme sexual depravity.

Much like this article, my thoughts on the movie are constantly interrupted by how much I was taken aback by it's intention. Yes, intention. Every movie has an intention. Whether it's to inform, inspire, entertain, or explain, there's always a reason. Even the most ignorantly produced flicks merely aspire to coax a smile from the viewer (like every SyFy original picture ever made). This movie's intention is debatable, I suppose. I have no idea, really what they intended to tell us.


The set up is inspiring, creating a situation where the first film doesn't have to be seen (in fact, I still haven't). HC2:FS follows a grotesquely shaped and always sweaty parking attendant with a mother that blames him for his father's sexual abuse. Our "hero" has an unnatural obsession with this movie called Human Centipede. Yes, this sequel is in the "real world" while the first film is in "movieland." Self-important move number one, but not a deal breaker. It seemed to be a very brave and bold storytelling choice, catapulted by the first film's global reception. The idea of this movie being informed by the so called despicable first film. Imagine if someone WAS sadistaically inspired by the first film. It's a great idea. One of two fun ideas that the movie has. The other is a fun inclusion of an actress featured in part one. All the good will derived from these choices is lost by the shitty that follows.


I've already written too much about this movie and getting into the actual details of plot is a losing battle. If you decide to watch this flick, go for it. Just know that you are about to embark on 100 minutes of a film-school-hack's self importance being flickered on the screen. This movie is going to talk down to you and when you point out a hole in plot, motivation, or sense, it'll claim it was intentional and mock you for not "getting it" because it's "art." Quit fucking around, Mr. Six. No one gets it because there's nothing there. Calling this a horror movie or thriller is like calling a porno romantic comedy or erotic drama (no offense to porn). Hell, at least porn knows what it is and embraces it. I can't say the same for this.

 

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Holy Balls! ICWXP 202 Review

It's a tough task, continuous improvement with each new Installment. Thousands of films and television shows have been unable to do it with a combined billions of dollars in budgeting. Somehow the folks over at Incognito Cinema Warriors XP (ICWXP) keep striking comedic gold with each new release. Last week, episode 202: Soapy The Germ Fighter/Where's Your Big Bad Apocalypse Now? hit Internet shelves and the fun bus dropped off my copy on Friday.

For the uninitiated, ICWXP started as a passion project of a group of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans (MSTies) who'd had their gluttonous fill of episodes and wanted to ply their hand at something similar. While the first season of ICWXP follows a very similar chronological pattern as MST3K (riffing of a feature film with wrap around host segments), season two tones down the riffing to handle education shorts while expanding the host segments into a meatier entertainment meal.

It's because of these expanded live action segments that we're able to get to know the 'bots and their pet human better, despite the long time between releases (though that too has gotten better as of late!). Johnny Cylon is as delightfully innocent and foul mouthed as ever, with Zach Legler providing his unique and charming vocals. Seriously, Cylon's tiny body combined with his big voice makes for such a bad ass screen presence that it's been hard to this point for the actors handling Topsy to hold there own across the candy counter from him. All that's changed now, with Nick Evans taking over the role of Topsy Bot 5000 as of episode 201, the charming bot charisma battle is an evenly matched one and the sarcasm quotient has skyrocketed! Nick's also all over the episode assuming an enormous number of roles, many of which I don't want to mention for spoiler related reasons, but his turn as an over the hill Count from Sesame Street (replete with an amazing puppet) is side splittingly histerical.

Puppet newcomer Flex Namtari, human arcade relations, joins the cast as a bot originally designed to maintain the theater's arcade; a place that no longer exists. His touching man out of time story really tugs at the heart strings, recalling Christopher Reeve from Somewhere In Time... Ok ok, so it's really just a great excuse to crack well deserved jokes about the artery busting glut of remakes which we've been subjected to over the past decade. With them as always is Commander Rikk Wolf, who we caught up with last week, as the unflappable human just trying to stay sane in this zany soup of absurdity.

Being riffed here is the incredibly creepy educational short Soapy The Germ Fighter; the haunting tale of a scum covered boy of the 50's and the limb equipped bar of soap who refuses to wear pants while admonishing bad lathering technique (in the boy's bedroom....at night...). The crew also take on an absurd cigarette ad, some classily outdated drive-in snack bar bumpers (by now you must know how I love those!) and in an absolutely genius move they are lambasted with absurd amounts of Internet spam.

More than just mastering movie bashing, the crew at ICWXP is growing their film craft; cinematography, makeup and editing all looking better with each successive release. I'd be remiss not to mention the excellent zombie makeup by Bethanie's Woods (also working the camera) for her excellent Spock zombie in this episode. Adding it all up, this DVD release packs ten shitloads of entertainment value; with loads of special features to keep you entertained until episode 203 comes along. Give them your money here and if you're still unconvinced tune your eye ports to the vid below.

 

 

Damn You Invisible Chicken! - Talking w/Rikk Wolf

Hey Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans, what riffing show do you plan on spending your excess disposable income this week? No, there isn't a new Shout! Factory release this week that you forgot about (that's in July). I'm talking about a brand new release of Incognito Cinema Warriors XP; it's the modern riffing show that you've been missing in your fragile little life. I'll have a review of the episode next week. Today I've got a special treat for you ICWXP fans: an interview with the man behind the metal magic, Rikk Wolf!

Q: How did you decide to make the leap from riff show fans to professional riffers extraordinaire?

I’ll let you know when and if we do, ha ha!

We got our start pretty simply. After binging on every MST3k episode I could get my mitts on, I started checking out the fan content floating around online. There were actually a few fan-made episodes I discovered which were produced ages ago under the MST3k name with Tom & Crow replicas and someone playing Mike. I was surprised to find that kinda thing has been going on since before MST3k went off the air!

I had a video camera, studio space, a green screen and some hilarious friends and thought it’d be a blast to get in on the fun, but to put my own spin on it - just for one episode. I love zombies, Mega Man, MST3k and heavy music. So there you have ICWXP.

It was done just for fun thinking virtually no one would see it, but after putting it online and getting a massive response, it was clear a fan base could be built if we really put our backs into it and honed our craft.

Before our second episode even dropped, we’d heard from hundreds of people and even Rifftrax. A few years later and thanks to incredible fan support, the show’s being seen in theaters after screenings of MST3k episodes. It’s overwhelming.



Q: You've got a popular show, you're part of a band; what do you do for an encore? And what does a member of CORPS do for a real life living?

Freelance graphic design, mostly! It’s definitely a battle to make ends meet with the financial burden of producing an online television show, but I manage. I make flyers for bands and promoters and the occasional album cover. I only occasionally get my legs broken by loan sharks.




Q: What's your favorite host segment from MST3K? (or perhaps, which ones have been most influential on ICWXP's sensibilities?)

That’s a tough one. My favorite episode is “The Final Sacrifice”, so probably one of its segments. If I had to choose one as inspiration for ICWXP, probably the one in which Tom Servo delivers his Canadian Pride song from the same episode. No, we don’t hate Canada (though we’re no fans of Nickelback) but the vibe there is something I’d hoped to capture - puppets being inappropriate.




Q: I've described ICWXP to people as a "Heavy Metal, Zombie Apocalypse MST3K", most for ease of analogy. How would you better describe it in just one sentence?

Grown men playing with puppets in a barn? Some of our fans have taken to saying “It’s MST3k for Metal Heads” or “Resident-Mega-MST”. The show’s definitely a tossed salad mash up. I’d say either works well.




Q: What is the real life theater you're using for the exterior shots of the Cine-A-Sorrow?

That’s a real-deal abandoned Dickinson theater in North Kansas City that’s been collecting dust for over a decade now. I actually saw movies there when I was a kid. I never thought of it until recently, but there really is an abandoned theater just a few minutes from where I live. Seems it was meant to be.

It’s a rather mysterious building, tucked away behind a closed down Best Buy, tucked away behind a dying mall with a closed down theater inside and flanked by yet another defunct theater across the road. Abandoned theater alley, that part of the city.

The owners are impossible to reach, probably because it’s slated for demolition. If I had the money I’d buy the place, set up ICWXP shop there and show cult films while producing the show.




Q: You seemed to have switched up formats from season one to season two, with one being a more traditional riffing show (short, full length film with wrap around host segments) to a more live action comedy show with a short film being riffed in the middle. What prompted this shift?

Many factors. Mostly, it’s a time & budget thing. Producing a quality riff of a 20 minute short film is much less time consuming than an hour and a half movie. The show was struggling greatly financially between releases because of the long production times that were a result of being understaffed and overworked. With the shorter format, we can get new episodes out faster and manage to not go broke between them, though we still do rely greatly on fan donations. Some of our core cast was uncertain if they would be able to continue devoting the time it took to work on a full length when the decision was made, as well. There was concern about the show having to take a dirt nap for awhile unless we shortened it down or recast people. We chose to shorten. We hate recasting.




Q: What's the fan reaction been like to that shift and do you plan to keep the new format or move back to something akin to season one?

It went over much better than I personally thought it would, but I can be a worrier. I was up at night thinking there’d be riots in the streets and ICWXP DVDs burning on front lawns. Turns out a few of ourloyal fans politely suggested we offer a little more theater time in the new formula, and starting with Episode 203 that’s exactly what we’ve done. That said, people generally seem to smile a little more now that we have something new to digest out faster.

Season 2 will wrap up with at least one full length episode. Budget allowing, the live action segments will be pretty epic, but of course imbued with sarcastic silliness and goofy characters at every turn.




Q: If you could riff any one film without worrying about rights issues, what would that film be?

Easy! Zardoz. Sean Connery in thigh highs? The riffs will write themselves.


Q: I'll admit that I've only recently come into the ICWXP fold. So tell me: what's the deal with Topsy's ever changing voice (or instead my "perception" of his voice)?

The show’s always been charity work, and with that sometimes comes great uncertainty. No one has network contracts forcing them to appear for a number of episodes, so people are free to come and go as they please, or if we so chose to stop asking them back for one reason or another. Nick Evans (the new voice of Topsy) has bent over backwards for the show time and time again and I’m happy to finally have someone we can absolutely trust at the helm with that character who loves the show and is a pleasure to work with.




Q: I've seen Mike Nelson's quote about ICWXP already; have you gotten any other feedback from former MST3K alum?

We have, actually. They had very nice things to say as well as some constructive criticisms. I’m not at liberty to reveal whom, however (sorry!). The MST cast alumni are some truly unique and amazing people. I’d like to one day meet them all, shake their hands and thank them for changing my life (thusly causing a pitying stare and vigorous hand washing after I leave).




Q: What are you most proud of in Episode 202?

Probably the segment involving Soapy after the short film. That was a real collaborative effort and everyone’s ideas came together to produce a scene that seems to both disturb and cause laughter. I really love the current team we have on the show now.

Thanks again to Rikk Wolf from ICWXP for taking the time answering my questions. Take a long, loving gander at the clip below for a taste of the madness and if you're interested in getting you mitts on an episode head here.

 

Getting Lost in The Fields

I absolutely love when a film's premise has hooks, enticing the watchers and bringing us deeper into the world as it's unspooling. Everything I'd read on The Fields had me very much looking forward to checking it out. It's a period piece (cool!), set in rural Pennsylvania (hey, that's where I'm from!) during the summer of '73. It purports to be based on true events in the aftermath of the Manson family murders. Eight year old Steven is sent to stay on a farm with his ornery, foul mouthed grandmother and her long suffering husband whilst his parents try to work through marrital issues (adultery and gun brandishing, ya know normal husband-wife stuff). We're told that Grandmom's penchant for watching late night horror movies (sweet!) is influencing Steven's world view and causing him to seek out the darkness hidden among the surrounding corn fields.

And so, armed with what seems like a bomb proof premise, The Fields then proceeds to stumble and fall right out of the gate. It's not just a pacing problem but more that plot threads seem to build to nothing. This goes doubly for suspense; there simply is very little unless you're terrified of corn. There's some promise of horrors to come when Steven stumbles across an abandoned amusement park (apparently the oldest in America - Bushkill Amusement Park) inhabited by squatting hippies. But the horror never arrives, this plot thread is quickly abandoned too. There's some nonsense about inbred cousins who kill chickens, aunts who are so rural that you can't even tell what they're mumbling and some out of place race relations exposition, all of which just seem to add an ackward flair that had me cringing.

Still, films can get a lot of mileage on charismatic characters. Unfortunately, the most likable character, Charlie, is hardly in the film at all. Joshua Ormond, who plays Steven, puts in an admirable performance and could have a bright career in his future but he's playing a young boy and so to shoulder him with carrying the film without a likable supporting cast is folly. Tara Ried, who is given top billing here, book ends the film appearing in the beginning and ending only.

Not all was disappointment and sad panda faces though- the cinematography was excellent, expertly canvassing ominous sky-scapes and rickety farm structures. It really set the table for what could have been a slow burning, tension filled horror flick. Sadly there was no meal forthcoming. The Fields ends up being a lesson in unfulfilled promise. At least the trailer is kind of spine-tingly.