Showing posts with label gore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gore. Show all posts

Monday, July 30, 2012

Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Noel Bartocci felt the very strong urge to contribute. As on who is often taken by strong urges, I totally endulged him. Please enjoy his review of the second Human Centipede flick.


If this movie had a face I would want to fucking punch it.


Too much? Let me explain.


This movie is offensively terrible. Not offensive because of the graphic violence. Not offensive because of the deplorable characters and the acts against humanity. Not even offensive because of the baby killing, explosive diarrhea, or sand paper masturbation scenes. No, this movie is offensive because it thinks you, the viewer, is a fucking moron.


This movie isn't just trying too hard, the opposite, in fact. It doesn't try hard enough to be more than what it is, but desperately thinks it is (are you following me). Worse yet, make it black and white, throw some disturbing images in there and call it "art." Fuck that. Substance is required and the only substance this movie deals with is shit. Literally.


Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is the film (I use the term 'film' real loosely) in question. I probably should have lead with that, but I got ahead of myself. I get upset when I think of it, so kudos to you, writer/director Tom Six. You've succeeded in penetrating my common nomenclature. Sure. It isn't very flattering, but any press is good press, right? Thats the only reason why this flick and it's predecessor have any traction. Face it, you've made career out of "grossing people out." Worse than Jackass, though. They have a sense of humor about it and I seriously doubt their exploits stoop to extreme sexual depravity.


Much like this article, my thoughts on the movie are constantly interrupted by how much I was taken aback by it's intention. Yes, intention. Every movie has an intention. Whether it's to inform, inspire, entertain, or explain, there's always a reason. Even the most ignorantly produced flicks merely aspire to coax a smile from the viewer (like every SyFy original picture ever made). This movie's intention is debatable, I suppose. I have no idea, really what they intended to tell us.


The set up is inspiring, creating a situation where the first film doesn't have to be seen (in fact, I still haven't). HC2:FS follows a grotesquely shaped and always sweaty parking attendant with a mother that blames him for his father's sexual abuse. Our "hero" has an unnatural obsession with this movie called Human Centipede. Yes, this sequel is in the "real world" while the first film is in "movieland." Self-important move number one, but not a deal breaker. It seemed to be a very brave and bold storytelling choice, catapulted by the first film's global reception. The idea of this movie being informed by the so called despicable first film. Imagine if someone WAS sadistaically inspired by the first film. It's a great idea. One of two fun ideas that the movie has. The other is a fun inclusion of an actress featured in part one. All the good will derived from these choices is lost by the shitty that follows.


I've already written too much about this movie and getting into the actual details of plot is a losing battle. If you decide to watch this flick, go for it. Just know that you are about to embark on 100 minutes of a film-school-hack's self importance being flickered on the screen. This movie is going to talk down to you and when you point out a hole in plot, motivation, or sense, it'll claim it was intentional and mock you for not "getting it" because it's "art." Quit fucking around, Mr. Six. No one gets it because there's nothing there. Calling this a horror movie or thriller is like calling a porno romantic comedy or erotic drama (no offense to porn). Hell, at least porn knows what it is and embraces it. I can't say the same for this.

 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 16

Greetings and salutations my macabre minions! I bring you tidings of goodness and joy (if you derive goodness from bad ass black bikers and joy from zombie flesh eaters). I've been scouring Archive.org for all things drive-in nostalgia flavored, tossed it into a mixing bowl with some wacked out trailers and set the machine to frappe. I hope you enjoy the gore soaked hell out of it; please hit me with some feed back so I can better enhance your viewing pleasure.

 

There are a few quick notices I wanted to bring you up speed on. I'm going to be scaling back to two weekly 'Cheese updates. The reason for that is because I've been so involved in other projects that you wouldn't be getting the best from me and I love ya too much to give you the scraps, dear readers. The good news is that you can catch both writings and rumblings from me in these other projects as well as here at The Midnight Cheese.

My weekly column on Mania.com, Saturday Shock-O-Rama, should tickle your midnight fancy and is updated every Saturday morning. This past week's piece is on the gory Kung-fu slapstick flick, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.

Cinedelphia.com features new movie reviews from me. Here's my piece on The Woman in Black. My musings on Men in Black 3 should be up on Friday.

I'm also a sometimes personality on the excellent podcast, You've Got Geek, which is released weekly and has all your nerd needs covered.

 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 26

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

While we slammed the Night of the Demons remake in illuminating you about the amazing and little known The Convent, it occurs to me that we've yet to speak on the original. And since it takes place on Halloween there is no better time to tackle it.



Our adventure does take place on All Hallows Eve, where a group of horny teens plan to hold a costume party at Hull House. And what a location it is! It's got the perfect trifecta of "you gonna die" signs, which our intrepid teens completely ignore: 1) Abandoned 2) Former funeral parlor 3) build on "evil" land. Yup, it's going to be a special night. Of course, shit hits the fan when one of the young ladies is possessed by a demon and begins spreading the infection by killing her former friends (and doing a long- drawn out- sexy dance).

As this is the late 80's, there's a good mix of comedy in with the scares and there's also plenty of gore. The kills are creative and, in some cases, hysterical. There's also a really weird scene with Linnea Quigly's boobs which you shouldn't miss. The camp factor adds to the fun with 80's fashions, lingo and musical stylings- part of what should scare you since kids are dressing this way again. Perhaps parents should show their kids 80's horror films as a PSA against wearing mommy jeans? It wasn't cool the first time through, kids.

Anyway, Night of the Demons is a great ride which has everyone covered whether you like gore, cheese, scares, laughs or too much eyeliner. And sex, it's got plenty of sex. Check it out, it's much better than the remake.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 9

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

Dead Rising


Dead Rising is the first video game we're taking a look at, as part of our 31 Days of Halloween celebration. Released in 2006, this zombie video game takes place completely in a mall, nestled within a small Midwestern town, which has suffered an undead outbreak. You play as dashing photojournalist Frank West (who's been in wars, y'know). He purposefully charters a helicopter to break the government quarantine and expose the story to the outside world. Frank plans to be picked up on the roof in three days time. Interestingly, the game clock runs continuously as you play; plot events don't advance the time.

So you've got a limited time to save people, acquire supplies, fight the undead and get out alive. It's a great tension builder. On the subject of fighting, Dead Rising allows you do use nearly anything, no matter how ineffective, as a weapon. Want to use that mall trash can to fight? Go ahead. Golf clubs, baseball bats, diamonds, shopping carts, lawn mowers, bowling balls, cash registers and way more are available to smash and bash the walking dead. You can even wield garden sprinklers, to gory blood fountain effect. It's all in the name of camp, of cheese, and it's just so much fun.

While the thrust of the game is gleefully slaughtering the aimless, shambling zombies, your most dangerous foe of all are psychopaths, humans gone all different flavors of violent crazy. In many ways such as this, Dead Rising heavily apes from the Romero formula. The game manual even has a disclaimer that it is in no way endorsed by Mr. Romero. However it's clear inspired by it, paying homage to it and giving us license to live out our Dawn of the Dead emergency plan fantasy. Don't be coy, we've all thought about where we'd go in a zombie apocalypse. Well, here's a game that allows you to live it out. I can't think of a better way (at least today) to get into the Halloween spirit. Happy hunting.

Monday, August 22, 2011

I'll Take My Fish Pan-Seared, Please

The reason a bomb explodes with such outward force is due to rapidly expanding gases being confined to a much smaller than required space. In the blink of an eye, what was once an explosive substance the side of a deck of cards now requires the volume to contain outward rushing force the size of a dump truck. It’s this combination of confining space and raging force which creates a devastating blast.

These concepts can be applied in practice to other biological and chemical situations. Take the human being for instance. I’m not suggesting that we fill one fine specimen with C4 and measure the result (something I’m sure will make it into a Saw film at some point). Instead, take the example presented us in the Japanese physiological horror film, Cold Fish. This is the perfect proof of concept to demonstrate what happens when a person’s mind endures more than it can reasonably be expected to contain, much too quickly.

From Midnight Cheese


Have you heard of Cold Fish? It’s the new crazy Japanese thriller from Shion Sono who, among other things, directed the strange and indulgent Suicide Club. It’s billed as based on the real life events, the strange case of dog store owner slash husband and wife serial killers. In the film’s case, we’ve switched out dog store owners and substituted fish store owners. I’m jumping a head into this slow burning sizzler though.

As Cold Fish begins to unfold, we’re brought directly into the plodding and expectations-failing lives of the Syamoto family. Our protagonist, widower Nobuyuki, owns a middling tropical fish store which seems to exist somewhere between totally failing and teeth scrapping by. Taeko is his second (younger, bustier) wife, not adjusting well to her new life as a domestic, cooking dinner in their meager accommodations at the back of the store. Mitsuko is Nobuyuki’s daughter. She resents her stepmom, who is closer in age to her than her father, and completely resents the meager life which her parents are providing for her.

From Midnight Cheese


After setting the table, for our story as well as dinner, Mitsuko is caught robbing a store. Her parents are incredibly shamed when they arrive to pick her up. Seriously, I’ve never seen two people bowing and asking for forgiveness as many times as the Syamotos do. They are depicted as the honor driven, upstanding Japanese couple who would do anything to avoid shame and dishonor. They’re very tightly bound people, keeping everything under control, including how miserable that are. It’s very opposite to western sensibilities. They couldn’t be any more down on their luck and miserable.

Enter Murata, a very boisterous, friendly, talkative and ultimately pushy person. He always gets his way. Observing the shame of the Syamotos, Murata steps in to talk them out of trouble with store security. By a very strange coincidence, he also owns a tropical fish store. Ah but his store is very large, very successful, very extravagant…very western. He insists that Mitsuko should come work and live at his store, giving her purpose, getting her away from a stepmom she hates and a mediocre life at her parent’s store.

From Midnight Cheese


But Murata’s intentions aren’t altruistic; else this would probably be a completely different genre of film. The nature of he and his wife’s mental damage is for you, the viewer, to discover on your own. I will tell you that the gore is spread around in the film, doled out in meal sized assaults to your senses. It never lasts over long and it’s more absurd than disgusting. It does reach Evil Dead 2 levels of comedic gold, but it’s not meant to. It unsettles us, just as it unsettles Syamoto. Reverence for the dead is not a thing to be found here.

Even though this is 144 minutes, it never feels over long. Rather, Cold Fish feels like an arduous journey to the breaking point; to madness but not back. A resolution IS reached, but for whom? Cold Fish hits DVD shelves tomorrow thanks to Bloody Disgusting Selects.

From Midnight Cheese

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Disturbing Lack of Nazi Zombies

Zombies, ya know I hate 'em; always coming around trying to eat my flesh and tear my friends limb from limb. Do you know what I hate more though? Nazis, the only other indefensible group that it's always ok to kill. They make a natural pairing, two parts despicable and always threatening. And who doesn't enjoy watching nazi zombies get slaughtered, bashed in and blown to bits? So if the equation makes so much sense, why are there so few films that fit this bill? You've probably seen a few, most likely Shock Waves and Dead Snow. But I'd bet that you'd be hard pressed to name 4 more. The fact is that there are, sadly less than a dozen and many of them take the awesome potential offered by the nazi zombie concept then let it fizzle with a wet whimper; like a fire cracker under water. So let's take a look back to see what went wrong and what's worth watching.

The Pre-Show: A Different Sort of Zombie
These two flicks are pre-Romero and are only loosely zombie films as we define them today, but are worth mentioning as having planted the seeds of what was to come.

Revenge of the Zombies - 1943
John Carradine, father of genre fave David Carradine, plays an evil Nazi scientist named Max, who is resurrecting zombies to serve as warriors for the Third Reich. Everything is honky-dory until his wife dies and he uses his voodoo science magic on her. Unlike the rest of the zombies, she exhibits signs of free will and battles Max for control of the thralls. Glenn Kay interestingly remarks in his book Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide that the studios didn't feel, at this point, that the walking dead were interesting enough to carry a movie on their own and so zany subplots about nazis and mad scientists were added. This one is interesting as the prototype nazi zombie flick and for the climactic scene, but outside that it's slow and hasn't aged well. And of course, it doesn't have any of the gore genre fans so demand.

The Frozen Dead - 1967
20 years after the fall of the Third Reich, nazi scientists keep the heads of prominent war leaders frozen until such time as they can reattach them to bodies and take over the world (I hate it when that happens). Of interest here are the science experiments, hapless victims with glass domed heads and wires hooked directly to nerve endings. The zombie makeup is comprised of the standard grey pallor with mussed hair, which is cool as it's clear we've mostly moved on from voodoo zombies. Still the zombies are not what we've become accustomed to, but the torture is ratcheted up from earlier 60s horror films so you might want to check it out. I found the disconnected body parts attempting to be controlled by a severed, electroded head, to be an interesting concept, at least.

The TV dinner from Hell!

First Wave: 80's Zombie Dance Party
Zombies were all the rage by the late 70's and early 80's, so it should come as little surprise that it's this time period that produced the first wave of undead fascists. Sadly, a lot of that wasted potential I mentioned comes from this group. Yup, wasted potential, sounds like the 80's to me.

Shock Waves - 1977
The progenitor of the Nazi Zombie sub genre is also the only good entry in it for over 30 years! A groups of 20-somethings take up pleasure cruising on the yacht of John Carradine. Off the coast of a beautiful tropical island, the ship runs into a strange submerged wreck and the passengers have to take refuge on the seemingly abandoned piece of paradise. In a brilliant piece of location scouting, the mysterious ship that serves as the nazi transport is the real life S.S. Sapona; a concrete transport ship from WWII that had run aground. The group runs into a wickedly scarred Peter Cushing, the nazi commander in charge of an aqua division of zombie shock troopers. Interestingly, once they're unleashed, the zombies act with a purpose and somewhat intelligently. Folks connected with this film (mainly the makeup artist, writer and director) took the lessons they learned in this low budget guilty pleasure and went on to help create Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Deathdream and Return of the Living Dead part II. Clearly they had a soft, rotting spot for zombies. I won't spoil their secret weakness, but it's not your standard headshot. Shock Waves does everything right and of the films listed here, this is one of the two you should rush right out and see.

Oasis of the Zombies - 1981
The first of the pale imitators hoping to cash in on the relative success of Shock Waves. A group of SS troopers are tasked with moving a large amount of gold across northern Africa. The allies ambush them and between the sides, only one man survives to escape. After he's killed, his son sets out to find the lost treasure. The action here is tepid and the pacing couldn't be any slower. Perhaps director Jess Franco actually discovered time travel after a fashion, because he clearly found a way to make an eighty-two minute film feel as though it was three hours overlong. What passes for action sequences here do nothing to break up the tedium. We watch as teenagers just mill around and talk. We watch as badly made up zombies finally get about their business. We watch this one with friends...over drinks, if at all.

Zombie Lake - 1981
Nubile flesh fans take note: if you've searched high and low for your fill of early 80's tits and ass coupled with undead fascist assholes, this is your film. Here's the plot, such as it is: The French resistance kill a nazi patrol and hide their bodies in a nearby lake. Years later, nubile young girls from the nearby town skinny dip in the lake. This, of course, causes the ghastly Germans to rise from the dead and seek vengeance(and booty). I'm convinced that the setting and title were chosen just as an excuse to shoot the swimming ladies from directly below as they tread water, which is the only pulse pounding action in Zombie Lake. I suppose that might be a little disingenuous of me, there are a few explosions, of the combustion variety. Enjoy it, won't you?

Revenge of the Zombies - 1981
I watched this for you people. Damn you. Ok, here goes. Investigators stumble upon records for the USA's WWII chemical corps. Along the way, they hear rumors regarding left over nazi zombies, in this case, actors with a bad case of blue make-up syndrome. This one isn't even worth watching, not even in the "so bad it's good" vien. The titular zombies only appear in the film for a total of five minutes. This has been a public service announcement, you have been warned.

Floridian Nazi Zombies?

Revival: Back from the Dead...Again
Zombies fans have had much to rejoice about over the past decade, for never have we had such an unprecedented amount of zombie content released over all forms of media. We've had some great(and bad) comics, video games, movies, tv shows, wall calendars, dolls and way more. So it was only a matter of time before zombies of the WWII variety got the come back treatment. Perhaps after the bad taste left by Oasis of the Zombies, Zombie Lake and Revenge of the Zombies, the world needed a vacation from the Nazi Zombie sub genre. Let's hope that this new round gives a few more choice, meaty selections.

Outpost - 2008
I heard about Outpost from a friend, who assured me it wasn't your standard zombie fare. He wasn't wrong. Outpost is an interesting film which combines uneven parts mercenary action, nazi zombie, occult sci-fi and alternate reality shifting. I owe you an explanation for all that. This British production see a corporate scientist hiring a team of paramilitary mercenaries tasked with escorting him to and from an abandoned WWII Nazi bunker; itself the site of German experiments on their own soldiers. However, things are rarely never as easy as they seem in these films, and the mercs are beset by mysterious enemys, who appear as shadows in the forest. As it turns out, the nazis were working on a generator which would allow their soldiers to shift into alternate dimensions (interestingly, this is something that they really where alleged to have been trying to do). The experiment went wrong, creating dimension shifting, unkillable, vengeful nazi zombies. Perhaps taking a queue from Shock Waves, the rotting meat sacks here aren't slow, mindless gibbering idiots. They're coordinated, fast, stealthy and very lethal. Here's where I'm not so thrilled: while the practical gore effects are really awesome and excellent done, this film falls into the modern trap of using too much CGI gore effects, which I've yet to see really done well in this sort of film. It doesn't ruin the film, but it certainly doesn't make it any better. I recommend giving this one a look, just understand it isn't your standard zombie flick.

Dead Snow - 2009
I'll come right out and say it, this movie is god damned fun. Coming right out of left field (Norway), Dead Snow was clearly made with care by folks who absolutely love the genre. Director Tommy Wirkola and writer Stig Frode Henriksen (who costars in the film as Roy) have crafted a loving homage to the gory, sleazy 80's zombie movie in much the same way Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg did for the Romero zombie style film with Shawn of the Dead. In a nutshell the film involved the cabin vacation hijinx of a cohort of medical students in the frosty mountains of Norway. Little do they know that an evil brigade of nazis had abused and tortured the locals here during World War II for three years, until the villagers rose up and drove them off to die in said freezing mountains. And die they did, but they didn't stay dead, much to our delight. These nazi zombies stay hidden in the snow until a zombie fodder character happens by to stir them. Make no mistake though, this is a zombie gore comedy, with many scenes being played for laughs. There's so much to enjoy here, including a head ripped in half causing a brain to shoot out, an Army of Darkness tool shed arming montage, a Rambo homage, a character so bad ass that he applies duct tape around his neck to stop the bleeding from a chewed up artery and a Norwegian film nerd who does a really spot on Harrison Ford impression. The practical gore effects are artful to behold, truly, nearly everyone ends up with Dead Alive levels of caked on gore. The digital effects, including a man being torn into quarters looks pretty bad though and I really wish they would stick to practical gore effects for these films. So far, Dead Snow is the class of the modern Nazi Zombie film. You need to see this. You need to show this to your friends. This film could become the new Evil Dead Girlfriend Test.

The 4th Reich - in post production
As of this publication, The 4th Reich is slated to come out later this year. It's interesting in two ways. First, it's a period piece, actually set during WWII. It follows a group of G.I.'s during Operation Overlord. Secondly, its got a fairly decently sized budget. That could either be excellent, if the right creative juices are behind it or it could be terrible, as with the Star Wars prequels: where lack of financial constraint allowed George Lucas cartblanche, to disastrous effect. Speaking of dictators, Hitler has charged his scientists and doctors with creating a new race of soldiers who can't be stopped by the Allies and will usher in the titular successive Reich. It sounds like our G.I. chums will have to combat the undead, stop the project and save the world. Keep an eye out for this one later this year.

Norway, no W's here.

So there you have it, over fourty years of zombie films since Romero revolutionized them and only nine Nazi Zombie flicks (seven since then, two before). Somehow, I can't help feeling we've been loosing out. Hopefully, before this wave of zombie love tapers off, we'll get a little more love for these fascist brain munchers.

Did I miss any? Let me know!