Phases 1-6 Will Leave you Unprepared for Phase 7

I originally posted about Phase 7 back in July. Now that it's been released to DVD, I felt it was a good time to bring it back to your attention. Take a read through my original post. It's a great watch if you're big into the reactions of the humans in a given horror situation - so fans of George Romero take special note. Check out Phase 7 on DVD, it's an excellent time of year to do so.

Before I even talk to you about the new post apocalyptic plague flick, Phase 7, I want to spend a minute directing your attention to the poster for it. It seems like movie poster art has taken a back seat lately, a travesty for which there is no excuse. As a lover of exploitation, the sort of poster style used here is my absolute favorite. Something featuring large and prominently in the top center, in this case the apartment building with "Phase 7" takes center stage in a stylized font. The central characters, facing out from center and overlapping, with more important players featured larger than the supporting cast. Star Wars is a popular example of this poster style, which in itself was a throw back to 50's promotions. Something about this layout just sings "Saturday Afternoon Matinee" to me and this brings me back to the days of my youth, seeing B-Movies at the Devon in Philadelphia, which was a second run movie theater near the house I grew up in.

Flash forward to the present. So here I am now, totally sucked into the film by the promotional art mixed with my own feelings of poster art nostalgia. I haven't read too much about it before hand. Phase 7 is the story of the occupants of an apartment building in Argentina, who have to survive in the aftermath of a plague that decimates humanity. It's at this point that you are probably thinking the same thing that I was: "oh boy, it's zombie time! Muhahaha!". It's true I cackle like a 40's serial villain when it comes to zombies. It's true also that the setup for this film bears a lot of similarities to Rammbock: German Undead, which we took an early look at HERE. Phase 7, however, is not a zombie film.

We follow the journeys of Coco and Pipi, two 20-something's with a bun in the oven (her oven, not his, luckily). They live in an brand new apartment building that only has a few occupants, since it's just finished construction. This excellent decision gives us the opportunity to examine each of the occupants in much greater detail than we would have been able to if there was a much larger pool of characters, such as in [REC]. As luck would have it, our happy couple just returned from a trip to the grocery store as the outbreak began. They are quickly quarantined in their building and told to stay and wait it out. Which they do, maxin' and relaxin' with their plentiful supply of food stuffs.

"Without zombies, what's the point of watching two people wait out a pandemic?" George Romero would be ashamed of you. For decades he has demonstrated that man is the greatest monster of all. So is it true here, where the folks in the building who are running out of supplies begin scheming. It's at this point we meet Horacio.

Do you often sit around, discussing what you would do in the case of a zombie apocalypse, with your friends? Have you written out a list of supplies you would need, where you would loot first and where you would hold up? No? Stop looking at me like that. You know you have. Horacio is you and your weird B-Movie friends come alive. He is Coco's Neighbor who comes equipped with hazmat suit, trip wire stun bombs and enough food and guns to survive well beyond the government and army. He's an Argentinean BURT GUMMER. Seriously, he's a balding, badass, Batman with guns. And you're gonna love him.

So what does Coco do in the face of humans resorting to anything to survive? He puts on a gnarly t-shirt and grows a rockin' facial configuration. Duh.

This SciFi thriller is a cool look at humans being humans in the wake of the end of the world. It's currently making the rounds as a limited release at AMC theaters around the country and will then be available on DVD in the beginning of October. If you're a classic Romero fan, you can't go wrong with Phase 7. With the spate of great horror coming out around the world, I'm surprised Hollywood isn't more paying attention.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 15

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

Michael Jackson's Thriller

Now we're in it. We're half way to Halloween and it's time to kick this count down into overdrive. There's only one right way to do it proper and that's with the most influential and important music video of all time. I don't care if you absolutely hate Michael Jackson (no one did in 1984), you're gonna put that distaste aside for the next twenty minutes and listen to me. This massively influential achievement deserves your love and you deserve it's spectacle.

Thriller is a collaborative effort between director John Landis (of An American Werewolf in London fame) and The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The singer contacted the director after watching American Werewolf and quite frankly it couldn't have worked out any better. Thriller is really a short form horror piece with a dance number. It's a love letter to horror films wrapped in expensive paper and accented with a schlocky bow.

The opening is in a 50's timeframe, with Jackson in his varsity jacket and his date in a poodle skirt. An excellent touch to this whole scene, a movie within a video, is that there are film damage pops to give it a more stressed look. After the two exchange a promise ring, Jackson transforms into a werecat, giving Landis the chance to show off some of the effectiveness of his on screen transformations. Here we pan to the audience watching this film, in the 80's, with Jackson noshing on some popcorn and his date disgusted by the werecat attack. She leaves and we're treated to the outside of the beautiful Palace Theater, with Thriller staring Vincent Price on the marquee. As you're watching this part, check out some of the excellent vintage posters in the background.

The walk home is where the actual singing kicks in and really, everything is going fine until they decide to walk past a cemetery shrouded in fog. Wouldn't you know it, Vincent Price is on hand to recite his now famous "rap", to which the zombies emerge to stalk out happy couple. Before you know it, they're surrounded. What follows is the most repeated part of the video, the amazingly choreographed zombie dance sequence. So famous that it's been performed by daring wedding parties, repentant prison inmates and creative protesters alike. Just check out YouTube, there's so many that I'm surprised there hasn't been a reality contest show centered around it. So You Think You Can Thriller. (I want a cut of the profits)

Why am I spending so much time discussing a fourteen minute music video? Believe it or not, Thriller might have had the most impact on me as a child as perhaps any other single piece of media. It came out when I was very young, it was in rapid rotation on an MTV that was only in the business of showcasing videos (it played once every hour for the whole first year after it's release), it scared my sister and I (we would hide behind the recliner in the living room- it had a brown, yellow and orange afghan) and it was fun. Always the most important factor. The truth is that both my sister and I still have a lingering fear and a tremendous love of zombies- our favorite flavor of horror. This isn't an isolated happenstance, it's a culturally ingrained dynamic. It was important to me, it still is.

I'm gonna leave you with a link so you can watch it yourself. It's a Halloween treat and like I said, it kicks our countdown into overdrive. From here on out, everything we showcase will have a sharper Halloween focus. Enjoy.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 10

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

The Monster Squad

I've ridden this Halloween count down celebration as though it were my trusted stallion, Nostalgia. Through the woods of aging and past the fortified walls of adulthood, I've spurred Nostalgia to ride swift and true. Continuing on this joyride through my yearly Halloween indulgences, we have The Monster Squad (1987). Fantastically, Fred Dekker weaves together the back stories of Universal's stable of horror icons; Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, which all come together in this delightful horror/comedy treat.



The story is an inspired take on the Van Helsing/Dracula struggle. One day every century the amulet of good, a supremely powerful artifact which can be used to banish evil beings from the world, is vulnerable to destruction. In the prologue, Van Helsing fails to complete the banishing ritual against Dracula, but his apprentice manages to sneak the amulet to America. Now we're again approaching the special day of vulnerability and it's up to the Monster Squad to prevent Dracula from retrieving the amulet, destroying it and enveloping the world in darkness!

The titular organization is composed of a group of kids who love the classic monsters and monster movies. They come across Van Helsing's diary, discover the truth and must set about stopping the worst from happening. These kids are us. More than many other films, The Monster Squad epitomizes what films are supposed to do: allow the audience to put themselves into the place of the protagonists and "ride along". In this case, these kids are us when we were kids. Think about it: they're unhealthily obsessed with horror films, idolize monsters, know all about their portrayed "weaknesses", constantly discuss all these things and they formed a tree house based club to do so. If this doesn't ring any bells for you, it's entirely likely that you're hopeless.

How does this fit the season? I'm delighted you asked.
For one, it's a perfect flick with which to introduce your wee little ones to monster movies. It's geared as adventure and comedy, rather than gory horror. For anther thing, lets look back at the list of famous monsters contained in the film: Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I've masqueraded as four of those five for various Halloweens in my youth. I suspect you have to some degree as well. Lastly, and for more than any other reason: it's FUN.



Horror can be sinister, it can be frightening, it can be cruel and remorseless but on Halloween it's also mischievous, wicked and delightfully fun. Shine a light on those darkness seeking horrors and enjoy.

Misbehaving in The Basement

I sat down on the couch, suppressing a delighted squeal of joy. With hands slightly shaking, my eyes took in over the top zaniness depicted on the large cardboard packaging. I know that the painted poster cover is lying to my face. They all do. It’s a game and we’ve played it hundreds of times. I love the game. Elements of exciting horror depicted on the outer shell will be completely absent from the product about to unspool over silvered tape heads and onto my television. I don’t care, the lie is part of joy.

The enormous cardboard box is just a larger canvas to convince me to rent or purchase what is likely a crappy Z grade movie. As the glossy, colorful paper packaging gives way to my ravenous touch, I spy the prize inside. Measuring just about seven and a half inches long, with a width of just a hair over four, it’s most interesting feature is that it’s bright red where many of it’s kind only come in black. I can barely contain my self as I slot the plastic purveyor of joy into the VCR and listen for the characteristic sound of the heads engaging as the front flap swings closed. It’s show time.

The most interesting thing about my introduction above is that it isn't from my childhood (it isn’t). No, it happened this morning. I swear. Over the weekend, I attended Monster Mania Con 19 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. While perusing the vender tables, my vision was grabbed by the balls and diverted to the table for Alternative Cinema. They had the, as yet, unreleased The Basement. And when I say unreleased, I really mean it. Filmed in 1989 and put on a shelf for over 20 years, The Basement was restored and is about to be released on September 13th. It’s a Super 8 feature film from Tim O’Rawe of Ghoul School fame. With all of the wares on display, it would have been easy to pass this by, but I would have been a damned fool to do so. You see, this is a DVD and VHS release!

Inside the overlarge box is a tray. If you where to pick up and then pitch the DVD over your nerdy shoulder, you would behold a brand new, bright red, plastic wafer of the geek gods. I fired up my VIDEO HOME SYSTEM player, slotted the tape and was whisked back to the video rental days of my youth. I was a rainy day kid, on a mission to drink fully the dregs of the horror section.

There is something you must understand. There are levels of “bad” films; circular rings that descend downward to unimaginable horrors that many would feign to plumb. Your misunderstanding is that downward always equals worse; less worthy of viewership. It does not. As anyone who enjoys Boardinghouse or Troll 2 must understand, there are morsels of enjoyment to be had in most bad cinema, so long as heart is there, so long as desire is there.The Basement has that. It’s a Super 8 anthology collection, a poor man’s Tales from the Crypt or Creepshow, replete with a ghastly creature whose job it is to warn sinners that their monstrous actions to come will lead to their damnation. The tales are ghoulishly macabre and they revel in black humor, just as the 50’s EC comics, which they’re surely based on, did. At the end of 70 minutes, many questions where answered for me:

What happens to zombie film directors who say “Fuck you and Fuck George Romero”?
Bad things.
What happens to cheating wives who kill their husbands?
Bad things.
What happens to demon possessed murdereds?
Bad things.
Most interestingly: What happens to mean old bastards who refused to celebrate the spirit of Halloween?
Vacation to Disney? No! bad things, with delightful shades of Trick 'R' Treat.

You want the honest truth? I haven’t even taken the cellophane off of the DVD. I don’t know that I ever will. Then again, maybe I should. There's four more schlocky films to be spitted, cooked over flame and devoured.

The (Vincent) Price of Admission

Vincent Price spent many decades in the business of terrifying audiences in low budget horror on the silver screen. With his unmistakable one of a kind voice and that devilishly wicked smirk, which could mean you were seconds from death or just that he found something gruesomely funny, he was a staple of my childhood horror diet.

My top three Vincent Price horror flicks in order? Easy

-The House on Haunted Hill

-The Last Man on Earth

-The Tingler

Oh sure, one of the Dr.Phibes films would be a more popular choice. And there’s room for Phibes love in my heart still, along with all the roles that Price has played. He was a rare actor who could captivate the audience and win them to his side despite the foul deeds he may committing frame by frame in the dark of the matinee.

Have grown up in the 80’s, I’ve seen a good number of Vincent Price schlock films. They were the purview of my Saturday afternoons and my USA Up All Nights. However, I won’t sit here and tell you I’ve seen even half of his films, there’s just so many. This is an excellent gift though as a fantastic number of them are available to stream from Netflix (I call out anyone who says there is nothing good to watch on Netflix instant streaming, you’re either a liar or a fool and Vincent Price does not suffer fools!).

It was thus that I stumbled upon a new Price gem to check out last night: Theater of Blood. From the description, I was expecting a little bit of Dr.Phibes meets equal parts Frederick Loren from House on Haunted Hill with a dash of Professor Jarrod from House of Wax. Oh man was I wrong and it couldn’t have been better.

Theater of Blood focuses on Edward Lionheart (Price), a renowned London Shakespearean actor, who has been unceremonious snubbed for an award by a circle of critics. A year after he supposedly takes his life, members of the critics’ circle begin to die gruesomely and in line with famous deaths from within Shakespeare’s works, spectacularly staged. If this sounds like a lot of Price’s other work, it should come as no surprise. He crafted a career in the Macabre. This is not at all what you would expect though.

There is a sense of black humor infused in Theater of Blood. Many of the murders are played for laughs and Price really gets a chance to stretch his acting chops and get outside of his normal tropes as he moves seamlessly from world renowned Shakespearean actor to sleazy masseuse, shock television show host and even an effeminate hair dresser equipped with an enormous red perm. His character does this all in the name of enacting very elaborate plans for vengeance but even so it’s too much for one man to hope to do alone.

Enter Lionheart’s loyal band of drunk homeless misfits (Every believed dead, vengeance seeking, wounded pride, Shakespearean actor needs one). In what has to be one of the oddest quirks in an already quirky story, there is a group of a dozen or so drunks who follow Lionheart’s orders and don costumes to assist in murdering these critics. They even participate in some of them. He does keep them heavily supplied with booze but it’s still quite strange that they would be complicit in these killings.

If you’re looking for more Phibes or some of Price’s earlier gothic experiences, Theater of Blood will confuse you. But look, if you can relax a bit, withstand the onslaught of outrageous puns, enjoy watching snooty critics get their comeuppance or just really like combat scenes which include fencing whist on trampolines, then you will really enjoy the madcap and irreverent Theater of Blood.

Bento Box of Schlock, order no. 1

"Welcome to the Midnight Cheese cafe` madam, what will you be having this evening? Ah the bento box, a wise decision. There's a little bit of VHS cover nostalgia for the 80's child in you, some instant gratification to get you going, a nosh-able delight to consume while getting your gratification on and a bit of knowledge dropped on you. Would you prefer that with a look back at your past horror indiscretions or the past indiscretions of others? Both? Excellent, I'll have the chef whip up your very own BENTO BOX OF SCHLOCK!"

Ah dear readers, I realize that sometimes you are in a hurry and just don't have time to read through our finely crafted ministrations. Submitted your your approval, I offer you the Midnight Cheese's newest dish: The Bento Box of Schlock. A little bit of a lot of things, which you can comsume quickly. Let me get out of your way. Tuck in and enjoy.

"Here he comes: Machine Gun Joe! Loved by thousands, hated by millions! " -Junior, Deathrace 2000

Chow
Nighttime Nachos
-Plate full of tortilla chips, spread out evenly
-Top with sliced jalapenos, kalamada olives, chili powder and splashed of tobassco sauce
-Cover all of that with shredded chedder and mozzerella cheese and nuke it until the cheese it melted
-Chow down while watching a cheesy movie
-Don't bother weighing yourself in the morning

Instant Gratification
Oh, you needed a flick to watch while enjoying those Nighttime Nachos? Well how about this then, Circle of Iron staring David Carradine?

It's the kick ass kung fu story of Cord the Seeker, who's set off on a quest to recover the book of all knowledge from the Wizard Zetan (most people call it stealing, but he's our hero, so what can you do?). Did I mention it stars david Carradine as "The Blind Man". And as "Monkeyman". Oh he's also "Death". And "Changsha" too. There's these other two guys in the film too, but you've probably never heard of them: Roddy McDowell and Christopher Lee. I know, not worth mentioning.

Circle of Iron available until the end of this week on netflix's instant streaming.

VHS Nostalgia
Check out this cover:

Did you know that this is the front cover box art for a film called The Final Sacrifice which features a husky, mulleted Canadian and a wimpy, rail thin Canadian who own no firearms? It's true. The box art was used to entice folks to pick up what they thought was a rollicking actioner. What they got instead was MST3K fodder (episode 910).

Cinema Obscuro~!
Speaking of The Final Sacrifice, we've got Christian Malcolm, who played pipsqueak Troy in said film (although his credit was incorrectly switched with the other lead, Bruce Mitchell, who played Zap Rowsdower, and there wasn't enough money in the budget to fix it). So what did Mr. Malcolm get up to after shooting this cinematic masterstroke? It seems he spent 6 months in 1999 as part of National British Tour of "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)". He had roles in Intimacy, Band of Brothers and Night Flight in the early part of the century and really hit his stride recently in the award winning short film Sex with the Finklesteins and a the role of "The Head of Ops" in the film Hanna. Not too shabby, Troy, not too shabby at all.

Cheese o'the Day
On this day in the year of our lord (Roger Corman) nineteen hundred and ninty-six, The Frighteners made it's theatrical debut. On the exact same day, the Tales from the Crypt television show premiered it's final episode.

"Well, that about wraps it up here at Rock & Roll High. Remember, if your principal ever gives *you* trouble, if you want *this* (Vince Lombardi High School is burning down) to happen at your school, you just give ol' Screamin' Steve a call. I'm in the book - under SCARRRREAMIN'!" -Screamin' Steve Stevens, Rock 'n' Roll High School