Greetings and salutations my macabre minions! I bring you tidings of goodness and joy (if you derive goodness from bad ass black bikers and joy from zombie flesh eaters). I've been scouring Archive.org for all things drive-in nostalgia flavored, tossed it into a mixing bowl with some wacked out trailers and set the machine to frappe. I hope you enjoy the gore soaked hell out of it; please hit me with some feed back so I can better enhance your viewing pleasure.
There are a few quick notices I wanted to bring you up speed on. I'm going to be scaling back to two weekly 'Cheese updates. The reason for that is because I've been so involved in other projects that you wouldn't be getting the best from me and I love ya too much to give you the scraps, dear readers. The good news is that you can catch both writings and rumblings from me in these other projects as well as here at The Midnight Cheese.
My weekly column on Mania.com, Saturday Shock-O-Rama, should tickle your midnight fancy and is updated every Saturday morning. This past week's piece is on the gory Kung-fu slapstick flick, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.
Cinedelphia.com features new movie reviews from me. Here's my piece on The Woman in Black. My musings on Men in Black 3 should be up on Friday.
I'm also a sometimes personality on the excellent podcast, You've Got Geek, which is released weekly and has all your nerd needs covered.
Greetings and salutations dear readers. Like Iron Man's armor, the Trailer Dump has leveled up and taken a massive leap forward. It's now a self contained entity, encapsulating all the good that you've come to expect, including cheesy trailers, intermission bumpers and solicitations to visit the, sometimes frightening, concessions stand. I've assembled all this on one platform: my iPhone (damn I love technology). Still a work in progress, I'd appreciate feedback.
I'm also writing a new weekly series for Mania entitled Saturday Shock-O-Rama. You can find my first go around right here: Count Yorga, Vampire
I'm awake.
I'm have a knock knock Neo, down the rabbit hole kind of morning, where coffee offers little solace and small gains toward awakening. I've survived eX-Fest II but not without first having my brain scooped out to marinate in a jar of the tastiest cast off juices that 70's revenge celluloid has to offer. Being the flavor of the day, vengeance belonged to whomever had the biggest balls and baddest ass, regardless of gender. Let's talk a walk , you and I, down my sequence of yesterday's events while I regale you with what whimsies struck me and wreak vengance upon the lesser members of the accompanying audience.
The No Mercy Man
1973. AKA: Fire in the Wind, Trained to Kill, Vietnam Soldier.
Genre fave Sig Haig looks really good and is absolute slimy bad ass here as Pill Box, the leader of a biker gang.
Society's condemnation of interracial relationships among carney folk leads to breaking and enter, theft, murder and a bad ass biker on soldier gun battle sequence.
Hardened Vietnam veterans of the highest training often high five in 80's action broseph style after RPG'ing a truck rather than taking cover to avoid submachinegun ventilation.
If your son comes back as a highly decorated veteran with PDST, the best way to help him is smug disregard, urging him to fist fight you and making him live in the shed. No harm can come of this.
All it takes to snap a commando out of PDST is the brutal beating into unconsciousness of his father. And the near crucifixion of his mother. And the rape of his sister. Oh, and the rape of his other sister. Make it that far and it's game on for the no mercy man.
Fear is the Key
1973.
Barry Newman, John Vernon and Ben Kingsley - Oh my!
This film is absolutely boss bad ass for the first thirty minutes while Barry Newman is beating up cops, escaping from court, enjoying hard liquor on Sundays and leading Lousiana state police on a really fucking sweet 20 minute car chase.
After that half an hour, it takes a shovel to the noggin and begins to believe that it's a second rate James Bond flick.
I never wanted a 1972 Ford Gran Torino before the first third of this film. If I'm not mistaken, Lousiana state police have an excellent car budget; affording a good number of Pontiac GTO's to wreck at will.
The Man From Hong Kong
1975. AKA- The Dragon Flies (get it? With the hang gliding and- nevermind)
An honest to goodness Ozsploitation Kung-Fu film. Kick arse!
Relations between Austria and China were not comfortable in 1975. Inspector Fang Sing Leng looks to change all that. With his dick. One Aussie babe at a time. He's a dick-lomat.
George Lazenby should have played Ron Burgondy by way of Tom Selleck's mustache.
Hugh Keays-Byrne plays the aptly named police detective Grosse. You might remember him as Toe Cutter, the main antagonist from the first Mad Max film. Lucky for him his role as a police detective didn't require a more conservative haircut, just a slightly smaller dangly earring.
Watching fat guys in spandex shirts run up Australlian mountain sides should be a god damned Olympic sport.
I never want to watch hang gliding again. Ever.
Death Weekend
1976. AKA- The House by the Lake
Under the oily thin vaneer of a rape and revenge romp lies the true heart of this film: it's really Yuppiesploitation. I hated Doctor Black the perverted peeping tom womanizer; the elitist consumerist; the purchasing power braggot; on the same level that I hated the gang of alcoholic murderous thugs (bravo film makers!)
If wanting to add brevity to any diabolical life or death situation, just show quick cuts of the hated dead yuppie's shutgunned face as it ackwardly gets in the way whilst our heroine attempts her mad dash escape.
Helplessly alcoholic gas station attendants are hysterical. This is especially true when their crippling addiction prevents them from coming to the rescue even when they realize something is amiss through their inebriated haze.
There was audience appluse during the revenge killings of three of the four gang members. Incredibly strangly the most elaborate comeuppance, involving a boat house, gasoline, a flare and a well hidden valkyrie of vengance, received little fan fare.
Wipeout!
1973. AKA- The Boss
I fucking love Henry Silva! He only has one facial expression, but it's a classic: Wax museum Chevy Chase. He pimps the hell out of that look, no matter the circumstance. Killing dudes with a grenade launcher? Wax Chevy Chase. Banging a girl he loathes? Wax Chevy Chase. Taking a phone call? Wax Chevy Chase but with raised eyebrows! Genius.
The theme in this film is a hard rockin' bit of guitar and vinegar piss. I felt 13% more awesome everytime it kicked in. (if you know where I can acquire a copy of it, please contact me)
Nick Lanzetta hates skin flicks.
Main heavy and over all dick Cocchi heavily resembles Bruce Campbell during the second half of The Man With the Screaming Brain (which was also screened by Exhumed Films).
Vice Squad
1982.
A more fitting title would have been "Inept Police Squad". Seriously: a pimp named Ramrod in a bright blue satin cowboy shirt and on the run from the law manages to be a more effective dectective then all the members of Vice Squad combined.
I might have mistook this for the early 90's. The only excuses I can bring to bear are exhustion and failing memory.
The Johns manage to be a slimy collection of harsh truth ground into the patina of the Hollywood prostitute lifestyle (glamorous as it must certainly be).
If a chauffer hires you on behalf of his master and goes to elaborate pains for the fantasy's illusion, bitch don't you that ruin shit by talking when you see the old man in the pine box waiting to bang you. You're a Hollywood hoe, how much stranger can this possibly be over your normal day to day?
I really wanted the main cop as protrayed by Emilio Estavez, especially after his star rose at the last Exhumed Films marathon event: the annual 24 hour Horrorthon.
Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS
1975.
While seriously jazzed as the preemptive red backed warning made it's how-do-you-do on screen, as the film proceeded my jubilation escaped me. The situation is simply to close to reality to be entertaining overall. The sequels are much more campy and fun. I'm missing the point though, as exploitation is not always supposed to be fun, infact it rarely can be considered as such.
This is a nessisary experience on the exploitation spectrum (which is like a much slezier autism spectrum) and anyone who left early is now substantively less whole then they otherwise could have been.
And so the second eX-Fest drew to a close. Overall I would have to say that I had more fun with last year's selections. This is not to say that I didn't enjoy what I witnessed yesterday as it was much more in line with what I'd expect from an exploitation festival. It was sleazier and the price of admission included a small part of what remains of your soul. I'd prefer a healthy mix of the exaggerated sleaze and the over the top fun, but I would by no means complain about the film selections. They were all excellent and they all fit into a day of vengenace laden fun. Yet another bill of entertainment from the fine fellows over at Exhumed Films.
Before I close the book on twelve plus hours of my life, I would be remiss in avoiding some ugly truths.
To the rectal pieces of human refuse who decided that your need to know the time, the hockey score, what your friends were up to or that anything else on your cell phone out weighed everyone else's right to not be sucked out of their movie going experience need to step into traffic. You're incosiderate to the extreme, likely irredeemably so and I respectfully request that you spend your time doing something other than burdoning the planet's population with your continued existance.
To those sitting in the middle section, most notably near the top, it is your responsibility when moving to and fro not to obstruct the projector's radiant beams. If that means you have to bend further forward while moving, by all means do so. I understand that as a sweaty neckbeard film nerd, this might classify as exertion beyond your normal means but by all means attempt to exert anyway. I can literally see you getting fatter as you obstruct the reason why everyone is tolerating being in your presence in the first place.
To the back row, center section folks (most of whom are guilty of the previous two cinematic war crimes) your taste in alcoholic beverages is fucking abismal. Everyone gets one go on this rotating rock around the sun and you're wasting yours drinking fucking Four Loko? I know that you don't know how to properly select what to pour into your mouth hole because despite numerous requests that you not do so from the fine folks of Exhumed Films, you entitled pricks left a bevy of garbage in your wake.
Which brings me to my last point: Hey you entitled nerdbodies who left your trash behind, go fuck yourselves. These guys put on a great show of rare goods to entertain you yet despite that you can't pick up your soda bottle as you exit? Your massive corinary can't arrive soon enough to remove you from our presences.
Please accept my heartfelt apologies over the lack of updates this past month. Life seems to conspire with other factors to prevent me from entertaining you or from even allowing me the simple extra time to watch many movies at all. I'll be returning to updating two to three times a week so stay tuned faithful readers.
To celebrate coming back with a vengeance, here are three fun "Revenge of the..." flicks:
The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1987)
Of course we're starting with a zombie film! I'm nucking futts about the genre of the living dead. What does this French dead girl production from the 80's offer you to pry your weary eyes from more modern fare? Honestly the setup is not what you're here for: tainted chemical gets into milk, girls drink milk and die, more of the chemical spills onto their graves causing them to rise...yadda yadda yadda. If that was all there was to feast on here, you'd be better off skipping this bottom dollar B-movie. Here's the kicker: The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls includes an undead lesbian love fest. If that isn't enough encouragement for this to end up in your netflix queue, it also includes dick decapitation!
These girls know to wait 20 minutes after eating before going in the pool.
Revenge of the Creature (1955)
This sequel to The Creature from the Black Lagoon sees the Gillman captured and taken for study at a local aquarium. There our titular creature has eyes only for a buxom betty oceanography student. If you've any of the gift of foresight at all then you can probably guess where the story goes from there. Originally shot and released in 3-D, this monster movie is also notable for being the first acting gig of Clint Eastwood (uncredited) as lab technician Jennings.
"You see, my mouse don't like people laughing."
Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)
You might remember our intellectual symposium Five Things Not to do While Watching The Cheerleaders from November. Revenge of the Cheerleaders is the sequel to that delightful 70's teen sex comedy. In many ways, it isn't as good as it's progenitor but does contain all the things that makes this long gone subgenre great: nudity, wacky hijinks, teenage shenanigans, softcore loving, um nudity. What else does it have? Oh, just a little David Hasselhoff in the role of "Boner", a gentleman esquire.
A great classic poster!
Stay tuned for a deeper look at Revenge of the Cheerleaders in the next week or so here at The 'Cheese.
And so here we find ourselves, staring down the barrel of 2012 with both hammers cocked and a twitchy inebriant manning the trigger which brings about a new year. Sincerely it's my hope that you look back at the year that was with delightful fondness but I understand if you need a little reminder about why you should appreciate the machinations of 2011. Before we delve into the second half of the year in horror, cult and scifi at The Colonial Theater, if you missed part one, check it out here and get up to speed.
Picking up were we left off, July is always an exciting month at The Colonial. In addition to the monthly First Friday Fright Night (FFFN) and Colonial Cult Cinema (CCC) shows, Blobfest is always held during the second weekend of the month this year's was one for the ages. It was also a sad time, a partings of ways. Bob Trate, creator and longtime host of FFFN, relocated to the greener pastures of Los Angeles but not before hosting one last film, the classicist of films: The Planet of the Apes.
With the departure of Mr.Trate, a gap was left to be filled. Joel Rickenback, host of eminent podcast You've Got Geek and local horror cinephile extraordinaire Nick Lombardo joined me (I'd been hosting the MST3K shows to this point) to continue to bring you a steady diet of the weird and wonderful. We also took this opportunity to refocus FFFN into a horror specific endeavor, spinning off cult, scifi, action and peculiar films into a new series dubbed Colonial Cult Cinema, which would kick off in August. We also made the conscious decision to only bring you films in 35mm print, the way they're meant to be seen (accept in the case of MST3K, which as a TV show was never actually committed to film and obviously baring print shipping issues).
With all that having been said, let's bring you fully up to speed on 2011.
July
The Planet of the Apes - If it's possible to point out a film that holds up better than this one, I haven't come across it. This highly influential cultural touchstone is a phenomenal adventure which got even more love at the end of the month from the Exhumed Films crew, who ran the entire original Apes saga on the last day of the month. Happily, I attended both screenings.
MST3K episode #509 - The Girl in Lovers' Lane - This underrated episode marks the one year anniversary of our MST3K shows. Another invention exchange took place, this time more Gizmonic hopefuls strutted their homespun inventions. The winner? Charcoal boxer shorts which you never need change. Eeewww.
August
The Fog - No, not the remake. What's your boggle? John Carpenter's original masterpiece, which instilled in me the lifelong desire to live in a retrofitted lighthouse (I still want to). An all star cast, a perfectly crafted atmosphere, superb special effects and a master of film making at the top of his game, The Fog is a personal favorite of mine.
Jaws - Our most popular screening from 2010 makes a triumphant return to help kick off our Colonial Cult Cinema series and, just as before, it rocked the house. Side note: I love the voice over gentleman on this trailer. Love it.
September
Pieces - Despite the tag line in the trailer, Pieces really isn't exactly what you think that it is as depicted there. It's wacky, it's absurd, hell it's madcap. More than what it is, this film is an appetizer of that which we plan to bring you more of: slightly off the beaten track and more rarely screened in 35mm.
MST3K episode #1011 - The Horrors of Spider Island - Mike and the 'bots shred this former German nudie flick, which had all the naughty bits stripped out and a bad English dub track added before it was released into the American market. While this isn't as well remembered of an episode as some of the more popular ones, it is a personal favorite of mine and the riffing is super tight.
October
An American Werewolf in London - John Landis' monster man classic is a fantastic blend of humor and horror and contains the absolute coolest transformation ever captured, indeed it was revolutionary at the time. It was a sad night for the Phillies, who were knocked out of the playoffs while the film was unspooling. It's a good thing we had Landis to keep our mind off it.
Friday the 13th - originally, this night was supposed to hold a screening of Walter Hill's amazing gang actioner, The Warriors, but the print for it was accidentally shipped to the wrong theater. Luckily, local print collector (and 1/4 of Exhumed Films) Harry Guerrero stepped in and with an rarely screened, pristine 35mm print of the UK cut of Friday the 13th. (we rescheduled The Warriors once the print was again available in November)
November
Nightbreed - One of our more unusual selections was undoubtably Clive Barker's seldom run Nightbreed. Why did we run it? Because you needed to see it. Because David Cronenberg plays an incredibly creepy and intelligent serial killer. Just because. Hopefully you didn't miss it.
The Warriors - Ah! The harrowing tale of a group of hardcore soldiers, trapped miles behind enemy lines, forced to bop their way all the way back home. The Warriors is a venerated cult classic, with a passionate following. Many attended in costume. Awesome!
MST3K episode #424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate - This is the seminal episode, one of the most popular and most peculiar. The Satellite of Love crews' take has granted Manos it's own cult following which has led to a sequel, a hand puppet play (Manos: The Hands of Felt) and, most recently, a film restoration project. Not at all shabby for a film made by a fertilizer salesman on a bet.
December
Silent Night, Deadly Night - The film that taught us not to be naughty, lest Santa punish us. Or maybe the lesson was that wicked nuns breed psycho serial killers. Perhaps the best lesson is to never steal a kid's sled in the middle of the night or you'll loose your head. Santa Nick welcomed the Yule tide revellers to the Colonial in true Christmas fashion and good times were had by all! (and to all a good night!)
Die Hard - If I had to choose a favorite Christmas film, this would undoubtably be it. It clicks on so many levels, I honestly can't think of one thing I'd change. Sadly, there was a print shipping error and we didn't find out until just the day before the show that we wouldn't have one (in fact the only one) in time for the show. And while we always want to show you a 35mm print, that simply wasn't possible. Rather than cancel the show, we projected it via Blu-ray and a packed house enjoyed Christmas Bruce Willis style.
It's been a crazy and exciting year for Horror, cult and Scifi film buffs this year and we're absolutely prepared to kick butt and take names in twenty-twelve. Here's what we've got on tap for you (this is just what I can share with you so far!)
As some of you may know, I help select and host repertory cult and horror film showings at the humblingly atmospheric Colonial Theatre in Phoenixville, PA. If you're unfamiliar with this spectacular venue, the Colonial is famously remembered as the theater featured in the 1958 Steve McQueen horror flick The Blob, which they gloriously celebrate each year with a weekend festival dubbed "Blobfest". As you can imagine, it's the perfect local for a monthly late night horror show, which was started in mid-2008 by then local cinofile, Bob Trate. First Friday Fright Night (FFFN) has been an enormous draw for the theater and has been going strong for the past three years.
I've been a rabid attendee since I first heard about it prior to their 3rd show, a 35mm print of the immensely popular Evil Dead, in June '08. In July 2010 I began hosting a bimonthly showing of Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes which was not my first hosting duty at the Colonial but has grown to be my favorite (I love coming up with absurd, embarrassing and fun contests for the pre-show prizes!).
I'm bringing this up because it would become the jumping off point for an entirely separate cult film series (Colonial Cult Cinema) in the middle of this past year (which we'll discuss to in part 2 of this retrospective).
And so it's with all this in mind that I'd like to take a look back at all the cult and horror which has been lovingly showcased at the Colonial Theatre in 2011. Consider this my own "end of year list".
January
Dark City - Ah Dark City! Such a fantastic work, summoning qualities both noir and scifi then painting with a brush of gothic mystery- this flick is an amazing ride which didn't get the recognition it deserved upon release in 1998. The director's cut was screened on Blu-Ray, since there isn't a 35mm print of this version.
MST3K episode #813 "Jack Frost" - This Mike episode centers on lambasting a badly translated dub of what appears to be a beautifully shot Russo-Finnish fairy tale piece. As is typical of all the MST3K shows which I host, there was a pre-show contest for prizes. In this case, I held a "Ricochet-off", where those brave souls who joined me on stage had to out "Ricochet!" each other in the manner of Mike's invention from the Starfighters episode.
February
The Fifth Element - I adore this film. It's marvelous scifi never feels forced and all parts humor and action are as tightly woven strands, marking this as a crowd pleaser that holds up very well. And I'll just throw this out there: Chris Tucker at his absolute best.
March
In the Mouth of Madness - Our first true horror film of the year is commonly held, as host Bob Trate noted at the time, to be the last "good" John Carpenter film (I disagree, but we'll table that until another time). Drawing heavily from H.P. Lovecraft's body of work, we're treated to that special sort of madness which lies outside the limits of man's mortal bounds. Sam Neill turns in an amazing performance.
MST3K episode #417 "Crash of the Moons" - This wonderful episode contains exactly what I always think of when conjuring images of what MST3K means for me: Black and White 50's science fiction with cardboard sets and campy premise. Sure there are better episodes out there, but I dearly love the fun Joel and the bots' have with the adventures of space ranger Rocky Jones. Before the show our contest was an honest to goodness invention exchange. As I recall, the winner created the "Nerdvent Calendar" - in homage to both Advent calendars (with little gifts contained in each day) and all things geek leading up to Blobfest itself. Marvelous!
April
The Terminator - Our third scifi film of the year in the Fright Night spot is a true classic, catapulting it's director James Cameron and star Michael Biehn Arnold Schwarzenegger on to super stardom. Even better, the 35mm print was very clear and well preserved!
May
Maniac - This was an experience, more than just a screening. We were able to showcase a brand new 35mm print of this niche classic. If that wasn't cool enough, we had director William Lustig on hand. He both introduced the film and stuck around for an incredibly informative question and answer session at the conclusion (moderated by cohost to be Joel Rickenbach of You've Got Geek podcast fame). Even more fun for us was the chance to have dinner with Bill Lustig before the show. He was pleasant company and quite the affable chap! Hopefully he'll come back this year for Blobfest (he was floored when he found out he was hosting his movie at "The Blob theater"!)
MST3K episode #1008 "Final Justice" - This Joe Don Baker stinker is perfect fodder which we punctuated with a preshow Cowboy and/or JDB costume contest. Thankfully, no one dressed as Joe Don.
June
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzi across the 8th Dimension - Which is more an impossible situation? For me to do this film justice in simple text form or for you to never have seen it? This amazing original film works so many angles, you might think you're being taken in by some nefarious con. You are being taken for a ride, but you aren't being grifted out of anything but your ignorance. Topping off my first chance to see this gem in 35mm was a showcase of props and collectibles on display thanks to Film Buff Online writer (and dear friend), Rich Drees.
There you have it, part one of our year in repertory review for the Colonial Theatre. Look for part two coming shortly, detailing the changing of the guard that took place and how the Colonial Cult Cinema night took shape.
I've got a few ideas tumbling around in my think-matter and these trailers were conspirators to steal my concentration (such as it is). I'm starting you off today with a taste of that which is lost and missed very dearly- late night horror hosts. So enjoy the opening to The Vampira Show followed by a smattering of trailers as variable as my tastes seem to be.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
While we slammed the Night of the Demons remake in illuminating you about the amazing and little known The Convent, it occurs to me that we've yet to speak on the original. And since it takes place on Halloween there is no better time to tackle it.
Our adventure does take place on All Hallows Eve, where a group of horny teens plan to hold a costume party at Hull House. And what a location it is! It's got the perfect trifecta of "you gonna die" signs, which our intrepid teens completely ignore: 1) Abandoned 2) Former funeral parlor 3) build on "evil" land. Yup, it's going to be a special night. Of course, shit hits the fan when one of the young ladies is possessed by a demon and begins spreading the infection by killing her former friends (and doing a long- drawn out- sexy dance).
As this is the late 80's, there's a good mix of comedy in with the scares and there's also plenty of gore. The kills are creative and, in some cases, hysterical. There's also a really weird scene with Linnea Quigly's boobs which you shouldn't miss. The camp factor adds to the fun with 80's fashions, lingo and musical stylings- part of what should scare you since kids are dressing this way again. Perhaps parents should show their kids 80's horror films as a PSA against wearing mommy jeans? It wasn't cool the first time through, kids.
Anyway, Night of the Demons is a great ride which has everyone covered whether you like gore, cheese, scares, laughs or too much eyeliner. And sex, it's got plenty of sex. Check it out, it's much better than the remake.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Michael Jackson's Thriller
Now we're in it. We're half way to Halloween and it's time to kick this count down into overdrive. There's only one right way to do it proper and that's with the most influential and important music video of all time. I don't care if you absolutely hate Michael Jackson (no one did in 1984), you're gonna put that distaste aside for the next twenty minutes and listen to me. This massively influential achievement deserves your love and you deserve it's spectacle.
Thriller is a collaborative effort between director John Landis (of An American Werewolf in London fame) and The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The singer contacted the director after watching American Werewolf and quite frankly it couldn't have worked out any better. Thriller is really a short form horror piece with a dance number. It's a love letter to horror films wrapped in expensive paper and accented with a schlocky bow.
The opening is in a 50's timeframe, with Jackson in his varsity jacket and his date in a poodle skirt. An excellent touch to this whole scene, a movie within a video, is that there are film damage pops to give it a more stressed look. After the two exchange a promise ring, Jackson transforms into a werecat, giving Landis the chance to show off some of the effectiveness of his on screen transformations. Here we pan to the audience watching this film, in the 80's, with Jackson noshing on some popcorn and his date disgusted by the werecat attack. She leaves and we're treated to the outside of the beautiful Palace Theater, with Thriller staring Vincent Price on the marquee. As you're watching this part, check out some of the excellent vintage posters in the background.
The walk home is where the actual singing kicks in and really, everything is going fine until they decide to walk past a cemetery shrouded in fog. Wouldn't you know it, Vincent Price is on hand to recite his now famous "rap", to which the zombies emerge to stalk out happy couple. Before you know it, they're surrounded. What follows is the most repeated part of the video, the amazingly choreographed zombie dance sequence. So famous that it's been performed by daring wedding parties, repentant prison inmates and creative protesters alike. Just check out YouTube, there's so many that I'm surprised there hasn't been a reality contest show centered around it. So You Think You Can Thriller. (I want a cut of the profits)
Why am I spending so much time discussing a fourteen minute music video? Believe it or not, Thriller might have had the most impact on me as a child as perhaps any other single piece of media. It came out when I was very young, it was in rapid rotation on an MTV that was only in the business of showcasing videos (it played once every hour for the whole first year after it's release), it scared my sister and I (we would hide behind the recliner in the living room- it had a brown, yellow and orange afghan) and it was fun. Always the most important factor. The truth is that both my sister and I still have a lingering fear and a tremendous love of zombies- our favorite flavor of horror. This isn't an isolated happenstance, it's a culturally ingrained dynamic. It was important to me, it still is.
I'm gonna leave you with a link so you can watch it yourself. It's a Halloween treat and like I said, it kicks our countdown into overdrive. From here on out, everything we showcase will have a sharper Halloween focus. Enjoy.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Poltergeist
Ghosts. Vengeful spirits left behind to wreak havoc. How do they always know that clown dolls are way more terrifying than floating sheets with eye holes? Is there perhaps some guide book they all receive upon graduation from spooky spirit school? "Here's your diploma from Spooky U. Oh! Don't forget to enter through the children's bedroom closet and possess a clown doll if at all possible. They fucking HATE that." This wouldn't surprise me in the least. What else do the dead have to do with their time anyway?
If they're squarely located in the same realm as the film Poltergeist then it seems they have quite a few cool tricks up their inanimate ghostly sleeves. One of them isn't as useful as it was when the film first came out though; with the advent of 24 hour a day television, I can't remember the last time a ghost tried to screw with me via the static left behind when a channel would sign off for the night. I'll admit, as a child, waking up to the static of a TV left on was terrifying. Thanks Poltergeist.
Children's closets are still ridiculously dangerous. Beyond the Sponge Bob stuff and all the other stupid crap that kids get now, the barrier to Hell is thin and easily traipsed in these locations. Kids know this but we never believe them. Go lock one in their closet and see. I'll wait, go on....They screamed their head off to be let out, didn't they? It's because they know that a gateway to the darkside is in there. Kids aren't stupid (yes they are, just not in this example).
Perhaps the biggest impact Poltergeist has had is on the real estate market. Before the film, you had a scientifically proven one in thirteen chance of purchasing a new development home which was actually located on top of a former graveyard. Now that ratio reads one in three hundred thousand. Do you know why that is? Three words: Craig T. Nelson. That's right, no developer would dare invoke the wrath of the former Coach star and thus find plots of land to build on which weren't previously the haunts of the dead.
What I'm getting at is this: watch Poltergeist. It could very well save your life. (And Craig T. Nelson was the bomb in Phantoms yo)
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
The Monster Squad
I've ridden this Halloween count down celebration as though it were my trusted stallion, Nostalgia. Through the woods of aging and past the fortified walls of adulthood, I've spurred Nostalgia to ride swift and true. Continuing on this joyride through my yearly Halloween indulgences, we have The Monster Squad (1987). Fantastically, Fred Dekker weaves together the back stories of Universal's stable of horror icons; Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, which all come together in this delightful horror/comedy treat.
The story is an inspired take on the Van Helsing/Dracula struggle. One day every century the amulet of good, a supremely powerful artifact which can be used to banish evil beings from the world, is vulnerable to destruction. In the prologue, Van Helsing fails to complete the banishing ritual against Dracula, but his apprentice manages to sneak the amulet to America. Now we're again approaching the special day of vulnerability and it's up to the Monster Squad to prevent Dracula from retrieving the amulet, destroying it and enveloping the world in darkness!
The titular organization is composed of a group of kids who love the classic monsters and monster movies. They come across Van Helsing's diary, discover the truth and must set about stopping the worst from happening. These kids are us. More than many other films, The Monster Squad epitomizes what films are supposed to do: allow the audience to put themselves into the place of the protagonists and "ride along". In this case, these kids are us when we were kids. Think about it: they're unhealthily obsessed with horror films, idolize monsters, know all about their portrayed "weaknesses", constantly discuss all these things and they formed a tree house based club to do so. If this doesn't ring any bells for you, it's entirely likely that you're hopeless.
How does this fit the season? I'm delighted you asked.
For one, it's a perfect flick with which to introduce your wee little ones to monster movies. It's geared as adventure and comedy, rather than gory horror. For anther thing, lets look back at the list of famous monsters contained in the film: Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I've masqueraded as four of those five for various Halloweens in my youth. I suspect you have to some degree as well. Lastly, and for more than any other reason: it's FUN.
Horror can be sinister, it can be frightening, it can be cruel and remorseless but on Halloween it's also mischievous, wicked and delightfully fun. Shine a light on those darkness seeking horrors and enjoy.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
An American Werewolf in London
Aooooooooooooo! Werewolves of London. Aooooooooooo!
Where to begin; Oh where should I start?
Have you seen this film? An American Werewolf in London is the quintessential wolf man film of my childhood. Certainly I'd seen the classic Universal wolf man films and other films like The Howling, but none of them made such a mammoth impact, on both the industry and me, as John Landis' 1981 werewolf movie. Rather than recap the plot of the film (which you can just look up at your leisure anyway), let's take a look at some of most influential and interesting things that An American Werewolf in London did.
The Soundtrack
This flick is a black comedy, in addition to being a horror film. It's one of the best blending of the two genres that I've ever seen. Part of what makes it work so well is the subtle use of upbeat songs, not to break the tension in the moment, but to give it a nudge and wink. Landis was limited by what he could license the rights to. Sadly, he couldn't use Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London". Limitations can unlock creative alternatives though and what is used here is absolutely perfect. Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Badmoon Rising", Van Morrison's "Moondance" and no less than three versions of "Blue Moon" are leveraged to great effect. My particular favorite is the doo-wop version of "Blue Moon" by The Marcels. Bom bom-bom-bom Ba-bom-ba-bom-bom...Blue Moon...
The Transformation
This one sequence changed the face of werewolf films. Before An American Werewolf in London in wolf man films, the transformation from man to beast and back again would be accomplished in one of a few ways:
-Pan away from actor as human, pan back with the werewolf make-up in place.
-Fade in/out. So a close up of the actor as human is filmed. Then, a close up in the same position of the actor as wolfman is filmed on top, to give the illusion of a gradual fade into or out of being a man beast.
-The animated shadow of a man is shown to transform into a beast. When we see them next, they're fulled wolfed out.
An American Werewolf in London never flinches away from a second of the painful, gory, horrendous transformation from man to beast. Special effects master Rick Baker pulled out all the stops and crafted a sequence that is still amazing to the modern viewer. It was hugely influential in a number of ways. The power of this scene convinced Michael Jackson to hire Landis to direct the best music video of all time, Thriller (Disagreement about Thriller is fightin' words where I come from). Werewolf films now, by and large, all show the transformation on camera after the trail had been blazed. It can be argued that this bled through to other horror genre films as well.
Perhaps most amazingly, An American Werewolf in London won an Oscar for Outstanding Achievement in Makeup. What's so amazing about that? There was no Outstanding Achievement in Makeup Oscar the year before...it was created to honor this film specifically. It's been a normal Oscar category ever since.
You really need to see this film on a crisp October night. If you're in the Philadelphia area, it's actually being screened tomorrow (10/7) on 35mm as part of the Colonial Theatre's First Friday Fright Night series. (Information here) I can't urge you to check out this film with an audience forcefully enough. You're missing out on the real experience if you don't. Still, anyway you can, check out An American Werewolf in London.
Mention the name John Carpenter around horror nerds and you're libel to be subjected to their top ten list of his films in short order. This shouldn't come as a shock, the man's been a visionary staple of the horror genre for almost forty years. While the 70's play host to his largest hit (Halloween), the 80's where his busiest decade. With The Fog, Escape from New York and The Thing behind him and Big Trouble in Little China, Starman, Prince of Darkness and The Live all yet to come, Carpenter brought a little 50's muscle car to silver screen in 1983 that would kill you for neglecting her.
Christine is an adaptation of the CONCEPT of a Stephen King novel (which was not yet completed at the time of filming) brought to film by by John Carpenter but sharing only characters, locations and general concepts with the source material. The long and short details Christine, a custom 1958 Plymouth Fury, with a cherry "Ford Red" paint job, who isn't even off the assembly line before managing to murder while playing 50's rock and roll. Cute concept.
And now we're pulled forward to the "modern times" of rich suburban California of the 1980's and introduced to Arnie and Dennis. The former being an awkward nerd without a ride, the later being a popular football star who drives a 70's Charger. Despite the differences Arnie and Dennis are best friends, which is pretty refreshing given how infrequently that seems to happen in movies.
During one uneventful drive home, after being beaten by shop class bullies, our duo notice a rusted out, weather worn and junk yard destined Christine, for sale on an overgrown lawn. The car has a nasty history of death, but Dennis flat out cannot talk Arnie out of purchasing her. From this point forward, Arnie becomes a progressively different person as he spends almost a month repairing her to cherry condition.
It's fascinating to watch the parasitic relationship develop, as Christine reacts to any slights to herself or Arnie with acts of violence. She reacts to Arnie's girlfriend as though she was a jilted lover. And she enacts merciless vengeance on the shop class bullies who trashed her. At the same time, Arnie transforms into a cocky, arrogant punk with a wardrobe shift to a 50's greaser aesthetic and an obsessive compulsion that would make Gollum say "damn that dude's got some issues".
The most fascinating cinematography takes place during the famous Christine self repair scene. It's a bad ass moment, kicked off by Arnie's complete admittance that Christine is sentient, phrased as such succinct punctuation to the moment. "Show me." With that Christine, who was trashed to totaled, repairs herself completely in a miraculous display that should amaze and frighten. Though, of course, Arnie isn't sane enough at this point to be afraid. I first saw this film when I was six or seven; this scene left me in awe. It's still striking, even this morning when I watched it again. No CGI folks. Without the aid of the 'net, I challenge you to figure out how they did this.
I'm not trying to tell you that this is a better film than The Thing or any other Carpenter film you have a filthy obsession with (Ghosts of Mars? Really dude?). All I'm suggesting is that, when next you whip out your Carpenter top 10 list, you give Christine some attention. If you don't, she'll find you.
Friday night I attended a rare 16mm double feature of StarCrash and Yor: The Hunter from the Future. It was a fantastic night of cheese, thanks to Exhumed Films. And so, along with Yor this week's Trailer Dump includes some choice fantasy cuts. Enjoy.
Yor: The Hunter from the Future
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom
Dungeonmaster
Youtube is full of wonderfully cheesy, low budget fantasy. See what you can come up with and I'll see you next time.
During the Rainpocalypse of Hurricane Irene, I over indulged in the deliciously over the top trailers of yesteryear. Here are a few choice cuts for your consumption and, of course, a bit sized vintage drive-in intermission bumper. Enjoy.
I sat down on the couch, suppressing a delighted squeal of joy. With hands slightly shaking, my eyes took in over the top zaniness depicted on the large cardboard packaging. I know that the painted poster cover is lying to my face. They all do. It’s a game and we’ve played it hundreds of times. I love the game. Elements of exciting horror depicted on the outer shell will be completely absent from the product about to unspool over silvered tape heads and onto my television. I don’t care, the lie is part of joy.
The enormous cardboard box is just a larger canvas to convince me to rent or purchase what is likely a crappy Z grade movie. As the glossy, colorful paper packaging gives way to my ravenous touch, I spy the prize inside. Measuring just about seven and a half inches long, with a width of just a hair over four, it’s most interesting feature is that it’s bright red where many of it’s kind only come in black. I can barely contain my self as I slot the plastic purveyor of joy into the VCR and listen for the characteristic sound of the heads engaging as the front flap swings closed. It’s show time.
The most interesting thing about my introduction above is that it isn't from my childhood (it isn’t). No, it happened this morning. I swear. Over the weekend, I attended Monster Mania Con 19 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. While perusing the vender tables, my vision was grabbed by the balls and diverted to the table for Alternative Cinema. They had the, as yet, unreleased The Basement. And when I say unreleased, I really mean it. Filmed in 1989 and put on a shelf for over 20 years, The Basement was restored and is about to be released on September 13th. It’s a Super 8 feature film from Tim O’Rawe of Ghoul School fame. With all of the wares on display, it would have been easy to pass this by, but I would have been a damned fool to do so. You see, this is a DVD and VHS release!
Inside the overlarge box is a tray. If you where to pick up and then pitch the DVD over your nerdy shoulder, you would behold a brand new, bright red, plastic wafer of the geek gods. I fired up my VIDEO HOME SYSTEM player, slotted the tape and was whisked back to the video rental days of my youth. I was a rainy day kid, on a mission to drink fully the dregs of the horror section.
There is something you must understand. There are levels of “bad” films; circular rings that descend downward to unimaginable horrors that many would feign to plumb. Your misunderstanding is that downward always equals worse; less worthy of viewership. It does not. As anyone who enjoys Boardinghouse or Troll 2 must understand, there are morsels of enjoyment to be had in most bad cinema, so long as heart is there, so long as desire is there.The Basement has that. It’s a Super 8 anthology collection, a poor man’s Tales from the Crypt or Creepshow, replete with a ghastly creature whose job it is to warn sinners that their monstrous actions to come will lead to their damnation. The tales are ghoulishly macabre and they revel in black humor, just as the 50’s EC comics, which they’re surely based on, did. At the end of 70 minutes, many questions where answered for me:
What happens to zombie film directors who say “Fuck you and Fuck George Romero”? Bad things. What happens to cheating wives who kill their husbands? Bad things. What happens to demon possessed murdereds? Bad things. Most interestingly: What happens to mean old bastards who refused to celebrate the spirit of Halloween? Vacation to Disney? No! bad things, with delightful shades of Trick 'R' Treat.
You want the honest truth? I haven’t even taken the cellophane off of the DVD. I don’t know that I ever will. Then again, maybe I should. There's four more schlocky films to be spitted, cooked over flame and devoured.
What a cast! John Carradine, Ron Pearlman, Angelica Huston and Robert Ulrich!
The wide shots of the domed city is actually footage from Logan's Run.
The sport the pirates watch over their lunch is footage from Rollerball.
This is only Ron Pearlman's second film after A Quest for Fire.
When I first subscribed to Netflix streaming, this is the first film I watched.
Galaxina
Actress Dorothy Stratton, who played the titular (har har) Galaxina, was Playboy's Playmate of the year, 1980. Sadly, she was killed by her jealous husband in a murder/suicide. She was only 20.
Laser sound effects were lifted right out of the original Battlestar Galactica tv show and shipboard door effects taken right from Star Trek.
Received a Blu Ray release this past March as a double feature with Crater Lake Monster.
Ator, The Fighting Eagle
This film contains a lot of O'Keeffe. How much O'Keeffe? Miles O'Keeffe. (sorry, couldn't help it)
This is the first in a series of 4 films featuring Ator by occult director Joe D'Amato.
The second film in the series was spoofed on Mystery Science Theater 3000 under it's American title, Cave Dwellers.
Until next time, here's hoping you spend Saturday night at the movies, who cares what you go and see.
Sometimes you fall in love with a movie right away. Half way through it you just think to yourself “Sold! This DVD is already bought”. Other times it isn’t until later that night in bed or the next day, after the movie has settled that you realize you can’t shake it. Sometimes, however, it takes multiple viewings, over the course of many years, and then one time, in the right mindset, everything falls into place and a movie will just “click”. Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse was one of those movies for me. I had first picked up The Funhouse in 1992 from my favorite mom ‘n pop store, Reel Video. They were closing shop and selling off their inventory sans video boxes for $5 a pop. For my friends and me it was like finding One Eye Willie’s treasure as we made several trips a week and dug through the piles of dusty, old tapes. One sticky summer afternoon I picked up Summer Camp Nightmare and The Funhouse. After making the two mile bike ride back to my buddy’s house we popped it in the VCR. I enjoyed the film but it didn’t grab me the same way other favorite horror films of the era such as The Burning or Maniac had. I re-visited the film several times over the years via that well-worn VHS copy, then the Goodtimes DVD, and even two 35mm screenings. While I liked the film a lot I didn’t “love” it. It wasn’t until summer of 2006 while scanning my DVD rack for something to watch that I put it on again and it just clicked. Suddenly the movie just came alive for me—the rich carnival atmosphere, the odd characters, the unique monster and the mismatched group of early 80’s teens. It was like seeing the movie for the first time again, and along with Jaws it has become an annual summer must watch. Needless to say I was very excited when I heard Arrow Video would be releasing this in high definition blu ray in July. If you have been following the UK’s Arrow Video than you know they have brought back the excitement of genre releases. I haven’t savored this type of anticipation since 1999-2001 era Anchor Bay. When I see Arrow has acquired a title I love, I know I am are going to get a release put together with care and brimming with extras. This release of The Funhouse is no different. The transfer is a definite upgrade from the previous Universal disc and in my opinion it even gives a lot of Arrow’s previous blu ray releases a run for their money. Presented in its original 2.35:1 aspect ratio the picture is gorgeous, colors pop, the image is sharp and the grain is properly textured and film-like. Blacks are solid with no crushing. Beautiful. It is in the bonus content where this release really shines. The previous Universal DVD’s sole extra was a theatrical trailer. Here we are treated to a bevy of extras including three audio commentaries (one with make-up artist Craig Reardon and Jeffery Reddick, one with the film’s producer Derek Power and one with Arrow’s own Calum Waddell and Justin Kerswell whose commentary is a very informative one on both The Funhouse and the 80’s horror genre in general), a 2004 era Q & A session with Hooper, interviews with Hooper, Mick Garris, Miles Chapin, an expansive behind the scenes still gallery, and the original trailer, even though it is not listed on the packaging. Yet again Arrow also includes the option of four different cover choices, a fold-out poster and collector booklet, all nicely housed in a window box slip cover. It should be noted that despite this release being listed as “region free” a number of the extras will not play on Sony Blu Ray players. But don’t let this discourage you, it is still worth the purchase or upgrade for the fantastic high-definition transfer and commentaries alone. All in all Arrow has done a bang up job with this highly enjoyable and underappreciated gem of a film from one of horrors arguably greatest eras.
We're going to try a slightly different format for you on the trailer dump. There will be fewer trailers but I'm going to share some interesting tidbits on each one. Let me know what you think of the format. Without further ado and with no more guilding the lilly.
Scalps - 1983
Written AND Directed by Fred Olen Ray, who also directed the absurd Evil Toons, so you know this will be awesome (and likely full of nudity).
Was released as a double feature on VHS with The Slayer and also on DVD in the early 2000's but it is currently out of print.
This was shot on a ranch that is now owned by Alice Cooper. Perhaps he's a massive Scalps fan?
The director claims that the reason this film makes no sense is because the distributor took his finished product and reedited it, disrupting the continuity and adding overlaid shots of a Native American chanting. Yeah right Fred, the distributor did it.
Savage Streets - 1984
This is a who's who of 80's cult films: John Vernon, Linnea Quigley and Linda Blair!
That killer 80's jam, which is queued by Linda Blair's cleavage, is called "Justice for One". I believe all cleavage should come equipped with an awesome 80's soundtrack. Sadly the soundtrack for this film and that awesome song, where never released.
The special edition DVD, released in 2008, is out of print and currently selling for $100 on Amazon. Arrow releasing just put out a UK only release with a boat load of special features.
The tagline on the poster reads: "They killer her sister and raper her best friend. An eye for an eye." What? Does that mean Linda Blair is supposed to go on a vigilante rape spree?
The Forrest - 1983
Man oh man. Prism home video. Anyone else remember Prism? Anyway, this trailer has my absolutely my absolute favorite thing: a manly, brooding narrator advising on what to bring and what to watch out for. Love it.
The poster has two tag lines. "If you go into the woods today...you might not get out alive" and "Daddy's gone hunting". I suggest you wait until tomorrow to go into the woods.
This was directed by Donald Jones, who went on to direct Project Nightmare in '87 and not much else.
This DID get a recent (2009) DVD release as a double feature with Don't go in the Woods.
Happy hunting. Don't forget your backpack, sleeping bag and knife.
Jon Mikl Thor pioneered Muscle-Rock in 70's Canada. As a body builder and metal musician, it was clearly the career of choice and with a name like Thor, band names are super easy to come by. Check this out: Thor and the Imps, Thor, Tritonz, Thor and the Ass-boys. Yeah, those are all band names. I know what you're thinking: "Tritonz? What the blue blazes?". I can't really explain it either.
I've had what some would call an unhealthy obsession with Mr.Thor ever since MST3K lampooned one of his flicks, Zombie Nightmare, in season 6 of the show (Thanks a lot, Mike Nelson!). I'm not sure when I learned that JMT stared substantially in another horror film, Rock 'n Roll Nightmare, but my life would never be the same again.
Haven't seen the movie? It follows the adventures of Thor and his band, The Tritonz, as they stay at a secluded farm house in order to record tracks for their new record. The trouble is that the farm house has a tragic history, the former family having been mysteriously killed (by demons). The killings, wacky as they are, begin anew with the band members and their groupies as delightful fodder. The film's conclusion, which I absolutely will not spoil, is phenomenal in a way only 80's films can be.
Rock 'n Roll Nightmare is not a award winning film, it's not overly technically proficient or mainstream popular. Most people would say it isn't a good film. Perhaps it isn't. It is, however, a shit-load of fun to watch. In a world where the internets are serious business and everyone is down on "bad" films because it's the cool thing to do, be a trendsetter by introducing Rock 'n Roll Nightmare to your friends. I also highly recommend the soundtrack, including such Tritonz ballads like "We Live to Rock" and "We Accept the Challenge".
Check out "We Live to Rock" from the film and the spread the good word of Jon Mikl Thor!
