DETENTION is SOOOOO Totally....

DETENTION

Directed by Joseph Kahn
Written by Joseph Kahn and Mark Palermo

Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Shanley Caswell, Dane Cook

I have no idea what I just watched… I also don’t think I hated it.

This review is going to require some soul searching. I’m not even sure I can describe what Detention is without sounding like a lunatic off his meds. There are practically seventeen plots in this film (blink and you might miss one), all contrived, all genre specific, and all done with tongue firmly imbedded in cheek. Does that mean it’s a satire? Umm, I think so…

I’m not entirely sure because even though it’s absolutely a satire, it’s earnestly put together with style and an ADD approach to pace. I don’t even know if that makes sense.

Let me start over...

Detention, written and directed by Joseph Kahn (co-written by Mark Palermo ), is the story of Riley and Clapton, two high school seniors on opposite ends of the social strata. Clapton Davis (Josh Hutcherson) is inexplicably the coolest kid at Grizzly Lake High School, sporting neon yellow aviator sunglasses and skateboarding in the halls. Riley Jones (Shanley Caswell) is a sometimes-suicidal, overalls-wearing, vegetarian feminist who is just looking for another cause to get behind. Already, our heroes are obvious amalgams of every teen movie stereotype. What’s oddly refreshing is that everyone behind and in front of the camera is aware and comments on it directly.

Alright, so there’s this movie within the movie about a deformed prom queen killer called Cinderhella. The sequel is about to come out and there’s this real killer who is knocking off the students of Grizzly Lake by wearing a Cinderhella mask. *coughcoughScreamcough* So that’s happening.

There’s also some students that are way too informed about 1992 pop culture which may or may not have to do with mind-swapping, time traveling bears, aliens, and wishing on shooting stars. Did I mention the kid with a TV for a hand and fly blood in his veins? Or the Patrick Swayze versus Steven Segal debacle? Oh, and Dane Cook is the principal. Ugh, my head hurts- but in a good way, like an ice cream headache.

Just as interesting as the movie is the story of its inception. Joseph Kahn, a prolific music video director in the early 2000s made quite the splash with his feature directorial debut, Torque (2004). Torque is the story of crotch-rocket daredevils doing things on bikes and there are bad guys and lots of quick cut editing. Universally panned, it was a financial failure and the butt of many jokes. Torque represented the end of that MTV era of film-making with whip-fast cameras and excessive CGI stuntmen (or did it, Fast & Furious Part 12!?)

After the epic failure of Torque (personally, it’s the kind of movie that is what it is and I don’t mind it), Kahn wasn’t particularly a hot commodity anymore. He stood by the film because he delivered what he wanted to, an over the top movie. People just didn’t get it (including the studio that promoted it). Facing the possibility of never getting the opportunity to make another movie, he decided to write/fund/produce/direct one himself. Because this new endeavor was a labor of love and may be a one-time thing, he threw reservations out the window and included every genre under the sun. What resulted is a high energy, schizophrenic, action packed, post-modern, science fiction, fever dream of a high school comedy called Detention.

Immediately upon it ending, I was taken aback and didn’t feel any affection for it. I think I liked it. Since that first viewing four days ago, I’ve revisited the movie three times (once just to watch the last half hour). I think I like it. I think I like it a lot. It’s so bad it’s good, but so good you don’t think it’s very good at first. But, it sticks with you. It’s like witnessing something with incredible speed. In the moment, your brain can barely process it. Upon reflection, your mind begins to fill in the gaps and flesh out the chain of events. Yeah… that probably sums it up the best.

I optimistically recommend Detention with the pessimism in mind that not everyone will take away from it what I did. I was able to appreciate the controlled chaos on screen where nothing was sacred. Not everyone’s brain is wired the same, which is fine. Movies are subjective… that’s why you’re reading a review.

My experience with Detention was a positive one, filled with surprise, and benefiting from repeat viewings and a rewind button. I can’t guarantee yours will be the same, but I do request you give this one a chance. I think it’s safe to say that you’ve seen all of this before- but you’ve never seen anything like this before. 

Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Noel Bartocci felt the very strong urge to contribute. As on who is often taken by strong urges, I totally endulged him. Please enjoy his review of the second Human Centipede flick.


If this movie had a face I would want to fucking punch it.


Too much? Let me explain.


This movie is offensively terrible. Not offensive because of the graphic violence. Not offensive because of the deplorable characters and the acts against humanity. Not even offensive because of the baby killing, explosive diarrhea, or sand paper masturbation scenes. No, this movie is offensive because it thinks you, the viewer, is a fucking moron.


This movie isn't just trying too hard, the opposite, in fact. It doesn't try hard enough to be more than what it is, but desperately thinks it is (are you following me). Worse yet, make it black and white, throw some disturbing images in there and call it "art." Fuck that. Substance is required and the only substance this movie deals with is shit. Literally.


Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is the film (I use the term 'film' real loosely) in question. I probably should have lead with that, but I got ahead of myself. I get upset when I think of it, so kudos to you, writer/director Tom Six. You've succeeded in penetrating my common nomenclature. Sure. It isn't very flattering, but any press is good press, right? Thats the only reason why this flick and it's predecessor have any traction. Face it, you've made career out of "grossing people out." Worse than Jackass, though. They have a sense of humor about it and I seriously doubt their exploits stoop to extreme sexual depravity.

Much like this article, my thoughts on the movie are constantly interrupted by how much I was taken aback by it's intention. Yes, intention. Every movie has an intention. Whether it's to inform, inspire, entertain, or explain, there's always a reason. Even the most ignorantly produced flicks merely aspire to coax a smile from the viewer (like every SyFy original picture ever made). This movie's intention is debatable, I suppose. I have no idea, really what they intended to tell us.


The set up is inspiring, creating a situation where the first film doesn't have to be seen (in fact, I still haven't). HC2:FS follows a grotesquely shaped and always sweaty parking attendant with a mother that blames him for his father's sexual abuse. Our "hero" has an unnatural obsession with this movie called Human Centipede. Yes, this sequel is in the "real world" while the first film is in "movieland." Self-important move number one, but not a deal breaker. It seemed to be a very brave and bold storytelling choice, catapulted by the first film's global reception. The idea of this movie being informed by the so called despicable first film. Imagine if someone WAS sadistaically inspired by the first film. It's a great idea. One of two fun ideas that the movie has. The other is a fun inclusion of an actress featured in part one. All the good will derived from these choices is lost by the shitty that follows.


I've already written too much about this movie and getting into the actual details of plot is a losing battle. If you decide to watch this flick, go for it. Just know that you are about to embark on 100 minutes of a film-school-hack's self importance being flickered on the screen. This movie is going to talk down to you and when you point out a hole in plot, motivation, or sense, it'll claim it was intentional and mock you for not "getting it" because it's "art." Quit fucking around, Mr. Six. No one gets it because there's nothing there. Calling this a horror movie or thriller is like calling a porno romantic comedy or erotic drama (no offense to porn). Hell, at least porn knows what it is and embraces it. I can't say the same for this.

 

Posted with Blogsy

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 17

Well, holy hell! I've got some delicious fare for you this week. There's something for everyone here, including sexy 70's babes, horrific gore, delightful drive-in fare and nostalgia aplenty. Enjoy!

 

Chuck Francisco is a columnist for Mania writing Saturday Shock-O-Rama, the weekly look into classic cult, horror and sci-fi. He is a horror co-host of two monthly film series at the world famous Colonial Theatre in Phoenixville, PA (home of 1958's 'The Blob'): First Friday Fright Nights and Colonial Cult Cinema.You can delve further into his love of all things weird and campy on his blog, The Midnight Cheese or hear him occasionally guesting on eminent podcast You've Got Geek.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 16

Greetings and salutations my macabre minions! I bring you tidings of goodness and joy (if you derive goodness from bad ass black bikers and joy from zombie flesh eaters). I've been scouring Archive.org for all things drive-in nostalgia flavored, tossed it into a mixing bowl with some wacked out trailers and set the machine to frappe. I hope you enjoy the gore soaked hell out of it; please hit me with some feed back so I can better enhance your viewing pleasure.

 

There are a few quick notices I wanted to bring you up speed on. I'm going to be scaling back to two weekly 'Cheese updates. The reason for that is because I've been so involved in other projects that you wouldn't be getting the best from me and I love ya too much to give you the scraps, dear readers. The good news is that you can catch both writings and rumblings from me in these other projects as well as here at The Midnight Cheese.

My weekly column on Mania.com, Saturday Shock-O-Rama, should tickle your midnight fancy and is updated every Saturday morning. This past week's piece is on the gory Kung-fu slapstick flick, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.

Cinedelphia.com features new movie reviews from me. Here's my piece on The Woman in Black. My musings on Men in Black 3 should be up on Friday.

I'm also a sometimes personality on the excellent podcast, You've Got Geek, which is released weekly and has all your nerd needs covered.

 

What is the 'Cheese? How do you define the 'Cheese?

What the heck is the Midnight Cheese all about? It's a poignant question for anyone to bring up and it might surprise you to learn that even I am sometimes at a loss to provide a satisfying answer. Simple in scope, the Midnight Cheese is my attempt to spotlight the kinds of films many people haven't heard of or perhaps haven't paid attention to. More than that it's a prismatic sphere, taking into itself all of the different media I've digested over the years (including the manner of ingestion) and projects out a rudimentary recalling of the experience. The point, dear reader, is a catfish hiding in muddy waters. With the 'Cheese's recent reanimation, I thought it might be interesting to brainstorm out exactly what the Midnight Cheese is supposed to be. Ride shotgun with me and let's see where this leads.

The Midnight Cheese is USA Up All Night; Gilbert Gottfried and a bowl of popcorn. The lights are out and I'm half hidden under a blanket. Anyone who could run to my aid in the case that the budget horrors depicted on the small screen came alive was fast asleep. I could never quite stay up all night, fading to slumber somewhere along the seven hours which this programming would keep night owls close company. My viewership began before I could even comprehend their edited safe for TV sexploitation films and ran well into my high school years. The films didn't matter. In point of fact this is likely the largest contributing factor to my future love affair with what norms consider "bad movies". I owe USA Up All Night more than one hug could ever convey to an unsuspecting Gilbert Gottfried.

The Midnight Cheese is seeing a 35mm film among a crowd. It's the imperfections inherent in watching a 35 year old 35mm print; The snaps; the crackles; the pops. Knowing that as I behold light blasted across celluloid at 24 frames per second that it's source is forever changed, however minusculely. There's an exchange taking places as it looses some of it's once illustrious luster to effect me and as part of our viewing leaves it's mark in return on the reel. To be shipped across country with nefarious plans it will impact even more malleable minds during it's lifespan. The communal laughter. The quiet agreement during the most terrible moments, that we've all steeled ourselves against, but are still secretly horrified of is all part of the enjoy and the spectacle.

The Midnight Cheese is The Sunday mornings with only the post cartoon-block shenanigans of The Three Stooges to usher us into an afternoon of Godzilla and Rodan. These two and more were our first cultural ambassadors, fascinating us with our own shame reflected back in movie form and enjoyed by those far too young to realize such a thing was amiss. Later, pulp of the silver screen would manifest itself in new clothing as Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. The campy and corny and exactly what I'd expect out of a rainy Sunday morning.

The Midnight Cheese is staying up well past bed time. In youth it was to catch a glimpse of that which was forbidden. At present it's to put off the responsibilities of adultdom just another hour- to take in one more movie. It's seeing the latest horror release at midnight on a Thursday, with work to contend with at the crack of dawn.

The Midnight Cheese is Exhumed Films' Horrorthon, willing the mind to stay awake, refusing to submit to the slowness of 4:30am. It's the communal joy of First Friday Fright Nights at the Colonial theatre, resplendent in it's 108 year old dressings. It's the ridiculousness of tiger man. It's the fun of Cult Cinema shows. It's laughing at The rediculousness of Black Angles, it's groaning in horror at Teenage Mother.

It's enjoyment of the simple. It's giving a pass to the flaws. It's laughter with friends.

It's corny and it's cheesy and it's me laid bare. Certainly, we've got something in common.

Welcome to midnight.

 

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter

When mapping out my treasure hunt into Hammer's chest of riches (see part 1 and part 2 of this series), nothing could have prepared me for the sheer blinding awesome that is 1974's Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter. A quick and dirty glance over appropriate IMDB'age reveals that this is apparently the film that was Hammer Horror's iceberg; it's failure to resonate with audiences began the slow death of this storied production company. Having digested all Kronos has to offer, I can't even contemplate how this is possible.

Captain Kronos the man is a hardcore former soldier who's devoted his life to discovering vampire scourges and combating them at every turn. A master swordsman, he's a fantastic physical specimen; honed to both physical and mental edged perfection. He's a face melting metal bad ass traveling about the 1700's European country side, routing riotous villagers and bedding beautiful buxom Caroline Monroe.

He's accompanied by a faithful hunchbacked companion, who refuses to conform to normal cinematic stereotypes. Professor Hieronymus Grost is an arcane lore master of all things vampiric, musing at one point that "there are as many species of vampire as there are beasts of prey". He's a charming and charismatic personality, a master blacksmith, a stalwart companion and a great character. I absolutely loved every scene he's in, most especially the "chess scene" between him and Dr. Marcus.

It's evident from the outset that Hammer was attempting a reinvention of both vampire folklore and also themselves. Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter was designed to be a the first of a long running series staring rugged pre-Viggo Mortenson Horst Janson. He's contacted by an old war buddy, Dr.Marcus, to investigate the strange cases of young girls who are being found rapidly progressed to chronologically challenged hag status. Along the way Kronos frees a young, buxom Caroline Monroe from roadside stocks and invites her along to sexy ends. There's such a marvelous mystery presented within, that I've already said enough and will leave the baton at your feet to run with.

Sadly the film did very poorly at theaters (perhaps American audiences were worn out on Hammer by this point?) and so nothing ever came beyond this one film. Thinking back on it now in the rear view, Captain Kronos -Vampire Hunter was a decades forward thinking flick. The scientific method meets folk legend approach to reasoning out vampiric haunts and weaknesses heavily feels like best parts Hellboy and the logical explanation and methodical implementation of weapons and gadgets (all period appropriate) shows shades of these same aspects as presented in Batman Begins.

Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter is a swashbuckling, euro-gothic, manly-fisticuffs good time. It was sadly passed over and almost forgotten but now you can check it out on Netflix streaming. Try on something new, something sheer, something that might not be your size but might feel so nice next to your skin.

 

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.13

Here we find ourselves once again: me with the trailers, you with the wanting of the trailers. Have them, indulging in all their fresh squeezed delights.

Black Sunday (1960)

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

 

Interlude

 

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

 

 

Getting Lost in The Fields

I absolutely love when a film's premise has hooks, enticing the watchers and bringing us deeper into the world as it's unspooling. Everything I'd read on The Fields had me very much looking forward to checking it out. It's a period piece (cool!), set in rural Pennsylvania (hey, that's where I'm from!) during the summer of '73. It purports to be based on true events in the aftermath of the Manson family murders. Eight year old Steven is sent to stay on a farm with his ornery, foul mouthed grandmother and her long suffering husband whilst his parents try to work through marrital issues (adultery and gun brandishing, ya know normal husband-wife stuff). We're told that Grandmom's penchant for watching late night horror movies (sweet!) is influencing Steven's world view and causing him to seek out the darkness hidden among the surrounding corn fields.

And so, armed with what seems like a bomb proof premise, The Fields then proceeds to stumble and fall right out of the gate. It's not just a pacing problem but more that plot threads seem to build to nothing. This goes doubly for suspense; there simply is very little unless you're terrified of corn. There's some promise of horrors to come when Steven stumbles across an abandoned amusement park (apparently the oldest in America - Bushkill Amusement Park) inhabited by squatting hippies. But the horror never arrives, this plot thread is quickly abandoned too. There's some nonsense about inbred cousins who kill chickens, aunts who are so rural that you can't even tell what they're mumbling and some out of place race relations exposition, all of which just seem to add an ackward flair that had me cringing.

Still, films can get a lot of mileage on charismatic characters. Unfortunately, the most likable character, Charlie, is hardly in the film at all. Joshua Ormond, who plays Steven, puts in an admirable performance and could have a bright career in his future but he's playing a young boy and so to shoulder him with carrying the film without a likable supporting cast is folly. Tara Ried, who is given top billing here, book ends the film appearing in the beginning and ending only.

Not all was disappointment and sad panda faces though- the cinematography was excellent, expertly canvassing ominous sky-scapes and rickety farm structures. It really set the table for what could have been a slow burning, tension filled horror flick. Sadly there was no meal forthcoming. The Fields ends up being a lesson in unfulfilled promise. At least the trailer is kind of spine-tingly.

 

 

Horror and the Theatre Going Experience

In what manner would you say you consume the vast majority of your horror diet? Is it alone in your domicile? Strune across a well worn couch, shrouded in an assortment of blankets, do you watch Christopher Lee drain the blood of hapless villagers with one hand in a buttery bowl of popcorn and the other resting on or near your lady or man bits? (Do you sometimes forget which hand goes where, ending your night with a buttery gender batch?)

Hot stuff coming through!

The dynamics of how viewers of all genres watch films have dramatically shifted in the past decade and sadly look to be taking a horrific turn away from 35mm print in the very near future. While this is going to be happening across the whole of the cinema landscape, it's going to impact horror film aficionados most of all. But why is that? To answer myself, let's swing back around to the first paragraph and ask (in seriousness this time) how the majority of horror fans consume their preferred media.

Two answer we must first consider that there's two types of media consumption when it pertains to film: in home and theatre. They're both very important and our rituals around them have become culturally engrained milestones that we pass on to younger generations like the tribal stories of old. Let's look at them separately.

In Home Viewing
This is likely where the majority of folks' watch horror flicks. We've come a very long way in three decades from the macabre humor of aging late night horror hosts to the tape trading and dubbing of the pre-internet days - most horror titles are now directly streaming to the mercilessly commanding fingers of the nerds who covet them. It's not an enormous logical leap to assume that 70-80% of our horror film viewing is done in the home. As to how and when you watch them (your rituals) perhaps it's a sign post along the road to my "getting older" realization, but I typically watch later in the evening (I grew up on a USA Up All Night diet of Gilbert Gottfried and bad horror films). With your options ever exploding, it seems that this method of viewing is safe and sound, continuing to become easier to accomplish as time passes.

Theatre Viewing
A dark room full of strangers emitting ooos and aaaahs in time with the cinematic unravelings, it's likely a time traveller from the past would brand us all witches to be burned at the stake if he came upon this odd scene (which is fine because we've learned through countless 60's and 70's films that witches have the hottest orgies).

This film viewing experience proportionally makes for a smaller percentage among most horror fans but it is a vastly more important part of the monster scene. These films were meant to be viewed in a certain way, on a certain medium and with a certain crowd (one not consisting of your cats and boyfriend). However, the sad fact is that many a horror geek has shunned the theatre going experience and subsides wholly on in-home viewing fare. It's understandable given the state of the multiplex viewing experience- unwashed masses who can't be bothered to shut their gaping talky holes and aren't capable of fathoming a world where they don't check their text messages and Words with Friends notifications for 89 minutes.

You have a choice and it’s important to make before it’s too late. Tap into the internetz, with its tubes and lolcats, and FIND repertoire shows in your area. Where ever there are passionate fans, there you'll likely also find screenings. Don't JUST go to screenings of Evil Dead 2 or The Exorcist. Trust that these passionate show runners have your best horror interests at heart and are likely showing you something rare, unique and awesome.

The Colonial Theatre: a movie palace of cinematic delight!

Listen, I'll level with you: it's entirely possible that your chances to see horror flicks in 35mm are dwindling down to nill. The major studios are quickly forcing digital projection on all theatres and will thereafter not be renting out their archival film prints to classic movie houses. When it’s gone, an era will have passed and the only songs to be sung of it will be lamentations.

So what’s the answer? Why is this shift going to affect horror fans more than those of other genres? It has to do with the nature of the genre itself: Fear. The herd mentality as a survival mechanism is at the very root of our fight or flight mechanism- which is the very reason you should be watching horror films in a dark theatre with your peers. In a way, they cause you to become closer to those around you. The shared experiences build a community- as cheesy as it may sound. One of the things I look forward to in hosting horror shows is seeing the familiar faces. You’re watching a 35mm print- which is being changed just by the act of viewing it. Very fitting that you’re changing it since it’s very likely to effect a change in you too.

Pontypool: Challenging Your Expectations

In the middle to late 90's, if you told me that we'd have a massive cultural zombie renaissance and accompanying weary-some glut, I'd have told you to fuck off and to go hide in the basement with the mouthy white guy, his abused wife and their soon to be reanimated, garden tool loving daughter. Nevertheless here we are and you've never had more choice chomps for your undead delights. Unfortunately for every new, interesting take on rotters, there's a dozen others that are just looking to cash in on the craze. Hopefully you didn't skip Pontypool.

The title, perhaps it's weakest point, is the reason that I almost passed it over. It's entirely unassuming, just like the film, and so it makes sense in the rear view but does a disservice as an initial hook. The title of the film comes from the name of the Canadian town in which it takes place. It's a small community afflicted by the bitter Ontario winters. We're following recent fired radio shock jock Grant Mazzie, who's on his way to the only gig he could get- morning news man on small town Pontypool's only station. Mazzie is brilliantly played by Stephen McHattie, whom I absolutely loved as Hollis Mason in Watchmen; especially in his last stand scene in the Extended version (arguably on of the best moments of the whole film). Grant is smooth and charismatic, which is absolutely essential in a character driven film with a single set.

That's right, outside of the opening sequence the entire film takes place in the radio studio populated by only three characters- Grant, his producer Sydney and Laural-Ann the tech. Because they are the main source of news for a small town and because they're precisely positioned to intersect the incoming information, we're introduced to the madness of an outbreak in such a unique way: without eyes or even first hand account.  It's tension times ten as all accounts of the hysteria are unconfirmable, with discomfort building on top of itself as call ins end in grotesque screams and with confusing mental hooks. The source of the outbreak might be the most unique ever attempted...but I'll stop right there.

I can't delve further into why Pontypool is such a unique entry into my favorite genre without completely spoiling what makes it so effective for you. This is a flick which zombie fans absolutely cannot afford to pass up, even if you've grown fatigued of the en vogue sugenre. It's so refreshing that it might even wipe some of that fatigue away. The atmosphere sucks you in and the story hooks dig themselves in deeper than an Alabama tick. I'd be fascinated to hear what other zombie fans think of this work. Drop me a line after you see it. It's currently available on Netflix Instant watch.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 6

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

An American Werewolf in London

Aooooooooooooo! Werewolves of London. Aooooooooooo!

Where to begin; Oh where should I start?

Have you seen this film? An American Werewolf in London is the quintessential wolf man film of my childhood. Certainly I'd seen the classic Universal wolf man films and other films like The Howling, but none of them made such a mammoth impact, on both the industry and me, as John Landis' 1981 werewolf movie. Rather than recap the plot of the film (which you can just look up at your leisure anyway), let's take a look at some of most influential and interesting things that An American Werewolf in London did.


The Soundtrack
This flick is a black comedy, in addition to being a horror film. It's one of the best blending of the two genres that I've ever seen. Part of what makes it work so well is the subtle use of upbeat songs, not to break the tension in the moment, but to give it a nudge and wink. Landis was limited by what he could license the rights to. Sadly, he couldn't use Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London". Limitations can unlock creative alternatives though and what is used here is absolutely perfect. Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Badmoon Rising", Van Morrison's "Moondance" and no less than three versions of "Blue Moon" are leveraged to great effect. My particular favorite is the doo-wop version of "Blue Moon" by The Marcels. Bom bom-bom-bom Ba-bom-ba-bom-bom...Blue Moon...


The Transformation
This one sequence changed the face of werewolf films. Before An American Werewolf in London in wolf man films, the transformation from man to beast and back again would be accomplished in one of a few ways:

-Pan away from actor as human, pan back with the werewolf make-up in place.
-Fade in/out. So a close up of the actor as human is filmed. Then, a close up in the same position of the actor as wolfman is filmed on top, to give the illusion of a gradual fade into or out of being a man beast.
-The animated shadow of a man is shown to transform into a beast. When we see them next, they're fulled wolfed out.

An American Werewolf in London never flinches away from a second of the painful, gory, horrendous transformation from man to beast. Special effects master Rick Baker pulled out all the stops and crafted a sequence that is still amazing to the modern viewer. It was hugely influential in a number of ways. The power of this scene convinced Michael Jackson to hire Landis to direct the best music video of all time, Thriller (Disagreement about Thriller is fightin' words where I come from). Werewolf films now, by and large, all show the transformation on camera after the trail had been blazed. It can be argued that this bled through to other horror genre films as well.

Perhaps most amazingly, An American Werewolf in London won an Oscar for Outstanding Achievement in Makeup. What's so amazing about that? There was no Outstanding Achievement in Makeup Oscar the year before...it was created to honor this film specifically. It's been a normal Oscar category ever since.

You really need to see this film on a crisp October night. If you're in the Philadelphia area, it's actually being screened tomorrow (10/7) on 35mm as part of the Colonial Theatre's First Friday Fright Night series. (Information here) I can't urge you to check out this film with an audience forcefully enough. You're missing out on the real experience if you don't. Still, anyway you can, check out An American Werewolf in London.

See you next Wednesday... ;)

Don't Neglect Christine

Mention the name John Carpenter around horror nerds and you're libel to be subjected to their top ten list of his films in short order. This shouldn't come as a shock, the man's been a visionary staple of the horror genre for almost forty years. While the 70's play host to his largest hit (Halloween), the 80's where his busiest decade. With The Fog, Escape from New York and The Thing behind him and Big Trouble in Little China, Starman, Prince of Darkness and The Live all yet to come, Carpenter brought a little 50's muscle car to silver screen in 1983 that would kill you for neglecting her.

Christine is an adaptation of the CONCEPT of a Stephen King novel (which was not yet completed at the time of filming) brought to film by by John Carpenter but sharing only characters, locations and general concepts with the source material. The long and short details Christine, a custom 1958 Plymouth Fury, with a cherry "Ford Red" paint job, who isn't even off the assembly line before managing to murder while playing 50's rock and roll. Cute concept.

And now we're pulled forward to the "modern times" of rich suburban California of the 1980's and introduced to Arnie and Dennis. The former being an awkward nerd without a ride, the later being a popular football star who drives a 70's Charger. Despite the differences Arnie and Dennis are best friends, which is pretty refreshing given how infrequently that seems to happen in movies.

During one uneventful drive home, after being beaten by shop class bullies, our duo notice a rusted out, weather worn and junk yard destined Christine, for sale on an overgrown lawn. The car has a nasty history of death, but Dennis flat out cannot talk Arnie out of purchasing her. From this point forward, Arnie becomes a progressively different person as he spends almost a month repairing her to cherry condition.

It's fascinating to watch the parasitic relationship develop, as Christine reacts to any slights to herself or Arnie with acts of violence. She reacts to Arnie's girlfriend as though she was a jilted lover. And she enacts merciless vengeance on the shop class bullies who trashed her. At the same time, Arnie transforms into a cocky, arrogant punk with a wardrobe shift to a 50's greaser aesthetic and an obsessive compulsion that would make Gollum say "damn that dude's got some issues".

The most fascinating cinematography takes place during the famous Christine self repair scene. It's a bad ass moment, kicked off by Arnie's complete admittance that Christine is sentient, phrased as such succinct punctuation to the moment. "Show me." With that Christine, who was trashed to totaled, repairs herself completely in a miraculous display that should amaze and frighten. Though, of course, Arnie isn't sane enough at this point to be afraid. I first saw this film when I was six or seven; this scene left me in awe. It's still striking, even this morning when I watched it again. No CGI folks. Without the aid of the 'net, I challenge you to figure out how they did this.

I'm not trying to tell you that this is a better film than The Thing or any other Carpenter film you have a filthy obsession with (Ghosts of Mars? Really dude?). All I'm suggesting is that, when next you whip out your Carpenter top 10 list, you give Christine some attention. If you don't, she'll find you.

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 8

During the Rainpocalypse of Hurricane Irene, I over indulged in the deliciously over the top trailers of yesteryear. Here are a few choice cuts for your consumption and, of course, a bit sized vintage drive-in intermission bumper. Enjoy.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - 1973

Schizoid -1980

Beyond the Door - 1974

Intermission!

(Noel's) Top 10 Horror Films of the Last Decade

In absolutely no particular order (because it was hard enough to narrow the twenty I had in mind to just ten), here’s my list. It’s different in parts and I use the word horror a little looser than some. Hope you enjoy and at the very least, look up a flick you may have never seen/heard of before. I guarantee you, all of these are winners in their own, special way.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) – Technically it’s a comedy, but so adept with its treatment of the horror genre that it earns a spot on this list. Hell, every/any list for “Best of…” compiled concerning 2001 to present. Best Musical- It’s on the list (DUB A DUBBA DUB A DA DA…AUUUGHHHHH). Best Animated- On the list (Have you seen Nick Frost)! Best Foreign Film - Done and done. Smart-ass comments aside, Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost pull off one the most balanced films to hit screens in decades. Endlessly watchable, undeniably clever and strikingly honest. This one belongs on every list and in every collection.

Slither (2006) – A slimy return to drive-in horror movies, plopped right in the middle of a decade more concerned with masked slashers, creepy children ghosts and Rube Goldberg instruments of torture. Humor, horror, alien creatures, flesh eating zombies and a well rounded cast of character actors makes this a (not so guilty) pleasure of the genre.

Dog Soldiers (2002) – A military training exercise goes horribly wrong in the wilderness of Scotland in this modern, practical effects take on werewolves. Director Neil Marshall (who later directed The Decent and Doomsday) makes one the most crowd pleasing and action packed low budget horror flicks of the 2000s. It's a shame so few have seen it for it's a shining example of creature effects still being...well, effective.

28 Days Later (2002) – Arguably, this generation’s zombie movie… or is it an outbreak movie… discuss amongst yourselves, because I don’t really care what you classify it under. Regardless of your silly titles, this movie is haunting, fast paced, creepy as hell and perfectly constructed to achieve maximum ass clenching in your seat.

The Host (2006) – The best monster movie in years just happens to come out of Korea. A mutated creature stumbles onto the crowded shores of Seoul and goes on a rampage. Before departing, it captures a young girl. What makes this flick so effective is the focus on a dysfunctional family attempting to rescuing their little princess. How things play out isn't your typical Hollywood fare and this gem is all the more better for it.

Drag Me to Hell (2009) – Sam Raimi's return to bat-shit crazy horror, this film could easily take place in the Evil Dead Universe (calm down, I'm not comparing, just setting the tone). In it, a meager loan specialist takes a hard line on a gypsy woman's claim. Before you know it, she's cursed to be dragged to hell (literally) for her cruelty. Raimi's wacky antics balanced with genuine creepiness and a disturbing ending cut this film above the recent rest.

Primer (2004) – Not exactly horror, but down right creepy and effective. This 77 minute, tiny budget mind bender about the intricacies of time travel is downright horrific. Two friends inadvertently discover a way to travel back in time. It isn't long before they start to one up each other using their newly learned trick. The damage to themselves and their psyches is the kind of locked door tension you can't fabricate easily in film.

Cloverfield (2008) – Enough with your “shakey-cam” bitching, this movie is beautifully shot. Director Matt Reeves and writer Drew Goddard set out to make a monster movie with scale as big as the sun, but told in the most intimate of ways. They literally placed themselves in a box and then invented new ways to think outside of it. The tension is high, the plot progression is exciting and the monster (what you get to see of it) is original and frightening. Haters want to hate, but this movie is nostalgic, original and effective all at the same time.

The Mist (2007) – God bless Frank Darabont and his ongoing battle to push the limits of mainstream horror. Based on a Stephen King novella, The Mist is about a fog that engulfs a northeastern town, bringing with it giant, tentacle-ridden, inter-dimensional creatures concerned only with destruction. That’s just the set up, the real horror resides in a grocery store in which our heroes are stuck. Darabont shows us the decline of civilization in the face of fear, depicted through the microcosm of this small town store. Whether the real horror is inside or outside is up to the viewer to decide, but even with stakes this bleak, it's hard to imagine how the story can close peacefully (hint: It doesn't. It really doesn't). If you’ve never seen this, I highly recommend seeking out the black and white version (how it was originally intended to be released), available on the 2 disc DVD and Bluray. It’s just creepier that way.

Hostel (2005) – Of all the torture flicks of the last decade, I possess a soft spot for Eli Roth's addition to the sub-genre. Not because of the violence or premise, per say, but because of Roth's handle on the material. In it, we're introduced to two disrespectful and decadent American dipshits as they back pack through Europe (with an equally idiotic German man in tow). For an hour, we're treated to their hedonistic ways, just waiting for them to receive their comeuppance in grisly fashion. The magic of Hostel is that when they’re finally in danger, Roth makes it so terrifying and surreal that all that happened before doesn't matter. He makes us worry, care and fear for these delinquents so effectively that the horrific things happening are truly scary. That alone elevates what could’ve been an easily disposable movie.

Do You Like Scary Movies? A SCREAM Retrospective

What constitutes a rip off? Same themes or genres? Maybe a similar plot device? We all know there’s no such thing as an original story. Now, don’t get sad. There hasn’t been anything original for some time. All media, literature and the like fall under just a few categories of story; Man vs. man, man vs. himself or man vs. nature. There’s no new permutation of plot and character that cannot be boiled down to one of these three categories. It’s sad when you first realize its true… but then it becomes freeing. Knowing that the story you are about to see has already been told enables the viewer to enjoy the ride and judge a piece on its merit, be it acting, writing or direction.

"Never say "who's there?" Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish. You might as well come out to investigate a strange noise or something." - Ghostface

Noting one of the better examples of using this reality to its advantage takes us back to 1996 and the now unjustly maligned Scream, written by Kevin Williamson and directed by Wes Craven. By taking the very clichés and tropes of the slasher genre and cleverly using them against the audience, the film is at once an homage, inside joke and genuine celebration of everything stab-y.

The first scene is still chilling in its raw effectiveness. What starts as a flirtatious conversation becomes harrowing for an above the title actress. The tightly scripted dialogue makes this scene so revelatory. Like a horror-geek infused Aaron Sorkin, Williamson displays his knowledge (or research of) the genre's history. His words inform the audience of where they’re about to be taken, while simultaneously relating the current events of the scene to our heroine's increasingly tense plight. Craven ratchets up that tension with his collected knowledge of what an audience expects. In less capable hands the constant popping of popcorn and startling ringing of a phone could be gimmicky.

Before a drop of blood (or in this case, entrails) is spilled, we're already on the edge of our seats, taken in by the moment. What makes this special? They told us what they were doing, while it was happening, and it still worked!

"It's the millennium, motives are incidental." - Randy

The movie doesn't stop it's frenetic pace, layering in its structure with familiar caricatures and settings. A virginal heroine, a bad boy boyfriend, the slutty best friend and so on. They're even noted as such by our inside man, the at times annoying character of Randy. Randy explains to the uninitiated what you should be looking for while also making sure the rest of us know he's in on the joke. It's novel now, but at the time, a structure that all but breaks the fourth wall was a breath of fresh air. What's even more impressive is in establishing these characters' knowledge of events, there's a false sense of security throughout much of the proceedings. That is, until the proverbial shit hits the fan. Scream is a self aware satire that succeeds at being as tense and scary as its predecessors.

"Life is like a movie. Only you can't pick your genre." - Billy

Over the last decade, the Scream franchise has become something of ridicule in many circles. Partly due to the sub-par sequels and largely due to the fact that it ushered in a sub-genre of teen slasher movies, boasting young casts and hit pop songs. Ironically, an endeavor that highlighted the genre's clichés with humor and tact ushered in so many offensive copy cats. Like a snake eating its own tale, a popular effort to elevate the genre became a feeding frenzy of shoddy, cheaply produced and poorly scripted clones. As soon as the marketing machine got a hold of it all, we were seeing entities like MTV co-finance genre films for young audiences. At that point, all hope seemed to be lost. Disturbing Behavior, anyone?

"...don't you blame the movies, movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!" - Billy

With the arrival of a third sequel, we're forced to question if this franchise has any juice left. What was once a welcome breeze has become a point of contention for what was wrong with horror in the millennium's first decade. From the influx of Japanese remakes to the plethora of Saw wannabes, for better or worse, it started in 1996. A modicum of respect is due and was hopefully restored this past weekend.

Did you see it? What did you think?