Greetings and salutations my macabre minions! I bring you tidings of goodness and joy (if you derive goodness from bad ass black bikers and joy from zombie flesh eaters). I've been scouring Archive.org for all things drive-in nostalgia flavored, tossed it into a mixing bowl with some wacked out trailers and set the machine to frappe. I hope you enjoy the gore soaked hell out of it; please hit me with some feed back so I can better enhance your viewing pleasure.
There are a few quick notices I wanted to bring you up speed on. I'm going to be scaling back to two weekly 'Cheese updates. The reason for that is because I've been so involved in other projects that you wouldn't be getting the best from me and I love ya too much to give you the scraps, dear readers. The good news is that you can catch both writings and rumblings from me in these other projects as well as here at The Midnight Cheese.
My weekly column on Mania.com, Saturday Shock-O-Rama, should tickle your midnight fancy and is updated every Saturday morning. This past week's piece is on the gory Kung-fu slapstick flick, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.
Cinedelphia.com features new movie reviews from me. Here's my piece on The Woman in Black. My musings on Men in Black 3 should be up on Friday.
I'm also a sometimes personality on the excellent podcast, You've Got Geek, which is released weekly and has all your nerd needs covered.
Please accept my heartfelt apologies over the lack of updates this past month. Life seems to conspire with other factors to prevent me from entertaining you or from even allowing me the simple extra time to watch many movies at all. I'll be returning to updating two to three times a week so stay tuned faithful readers.
To celebrate coming back with a vengeance, here are three fun "Revenge of the..." flicks:
The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1987)
Of course we're starting with a zombie film! I'm nucking futts about the genre of the living dead. What does this French dead girl production from the 80's offer you to pry your weary eyes from more modern fare? Honestly the setup is not what you're here for: tainted chemical gets into milk, girls drink milk and die, more of the chemical spills onto their graves causing them to rise...yadda yadda yadda. If that was all there was to feast on here, you'd be better off skipping this bottom dollar B-movie. Here's the kicker: The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls includes an undead lesbian love fest. If that isn't enough encouragement for this to end up in your netflix queue, it also includes dick decapitation!
These girls know to wait 20 minutes after eating before going in the pool.
Revenge of the Creature (1955)
This sequel to The Creature from the Black Lagoon sees the Gillman captured and taken for study at a local aquarium. There our titular creature has eyes only for a buxom betty oceanography student. If you've any of the gift of foresight at all then you can probably guess where the story goes from there. Originally shot and released in 3-D, this monster movie is also notable for being the first acting gig of Clint Eastwood (uncredited) as lab technician Jennings.
"You see, my mouse don't like people laughing."
Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)
You might remember our intellectual symposium Five Things Not to do While Watching The Cheerleaders from November. Revenge of the Cheerleaders is the sequel to that delightful 70's teen sex comedy. In many ways, it isn't as good as it's progenitor but does contain all the things that makes this long gone subgenre great: nudity, wacky hijinks, teenage shenanigans, softcore loving, um nudity. What else does it have? Oh, just a little David Hasselhoff in the role of "Boner", a gentleman esquire.
A great classic poster!
Stay tuned for a deeper look at Revenge of the Cheerleaders in the next week or so here at The 'Cheese.
Let's chat about zombie defense armor. No, seriously. Let's really delve in to what onionic layers would best keep your tender vittles from the craven jaws of the dead.
I've had this discussion with my friends numerous times. Many of them have not read Max Brooks' seminal work, The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, and that'll probably bite them in the ass (or hand or wrist or neck; anywhere lovingly exposed to wretched death breath). Certainly this book is not the end point of zombie survival discussion, but it is the jumping off point for trendy, informed discussion salons around town. I highly recommend it if for no other reason than that it systematically dismisses many of the mind numbingly stupid ideas which we've been conditioned to think would be effective against the dead who walk. (Shotguns? Seriously, we still think they're the best way to go?)
The word armor conjures up idyllic images of a medieval knight, resplendent in shining armor astride a mighty steed. More like Spam in a can on top of an appetizer to unending hordes of blood mad undead. Consider that all armor designs throughout human history were crafted to protect one man from excruciating pain long enough for them to inflict it on someone else, thus disabling the other from continuing to attack them. As zombies feel no pain, it makes no sense to make that the basis of your conceptual apocalypse armor. Your main concerns should be durability, bite resistance, availability and maneuverability.
So let's suit up. Starting from the inside out, you're going to want anti-microbial underwear. It's a zombie apocalypse, who knows when next you'll be able to change your most personal of garments when you don't even do it daily now! Over that you'll want loose fit, boot cut denim jeans. Skinny jeans are just begging for a crushed nut whilst fleeing (and you're going to need to repeople the earth eventually). Avoid pre-distressed styles - they're going to get fucked up enough over time without giving in to foolish fashions (which are more like feeding holes to happy zombies).
And, of course, you're going to want a sturdy pair of hiking boots. I know you're thinking steel toed work boots would be boss but consider this: have you have had to walk for twelve hours in steel toed work boots? It sucks. Hiking boots are designed for all manner of conditions and for you to be in them all day.
Shirt choice is up to you, really. We recommend something that wicks sweat but vintage tee's are obviously cooler to be found reanimated and walking around in. You'll provide a great comic relief moment as the director pans across zombie you in your XXXL "Make 7/Up Yours" t-shirt.
Next up is the meat to keep your meat safe, actual armor pieces. You're going to want the lightest material you can find that's going to resist bites. For that you want motocross armor. It's incredibly strong composite plastic construction repels lethal infections with great ease and it's available at most sporting goods stores. Not the chest piece though, we'll get to coverage there in a moment. You want the arm to elbow and the knee to ankle coverage afforded by these (now) wonder materials. Since the wrists and hands are highly vulnerable areas, especially when engaged in CQZC (Close quarters zombie combat), It's advisable to wear thin, fitted leather gloves as well, preferable ones that cover to the elbow. You can usually find these in a....
...Leather jacket store: Where you can acquire a motorcycle style leather jacket. Why this style? A fitted, button up neck may just save you from the dreaded corroded dinner bell bite (as in: ring-a-ding-ding, this warm meat sack is going down). This style is also more fitted, giving zombies more trouble in grabbing hold of you and pulling you down to your doom.
So there you have it. High mobility, great durability, near complete bite protection from components which are easily available in most places. The jury is still out on best head wear. A cycle helmet or a riot helmet would seem to grant the most protection but at great cost: vastly diminished hearing. Perhaps it's time to determine the bite resistance of neoprene head socks....
In the middle to late 90's, if you told me that we'd have a massive cultural zombie renaissance and accompanying weary-some glut, I'd have told you to fuck off and to go hide in the basement with the mouthy white guy, his abused wife and their soon to be reanimated, garden tool loving daughter. Nevertheless here we are and you've never had more choice chomps for your undead delights. Unfortunately for every new, interesting take on rotters, there's a dozen others that are just looking to cash in on the craze. Hopefully you didn't skip Pontypool.
The title, perhaps it's weakest point, is the reason that I almost passed it over. It's entirely unassuming, just like the film, and so it makes sense in the rear view but does a disservice as an initial hook. The title of the film comes from the name of the Canadian town in which it takes place. It's a small community afflicted by the bitter Ontario winters. We're following recent fired radio shock jock Grant Mazzie, who's on his way to the only gig he could get- morning news man on small town Pontypool's only station. Mazzie is brilliantly played by Stephen McHattie, whom I absolutely loved as Hollis Mason in Watchmen; especially in his last stand scene in the Extended version (arguably on of the best moments of the whole film). Grant is smooth and charismatic, which is absolutely essential in a character driven film with a single set.
That's right, outside of the opening sequence the entire film takes place in the radio studio populated by only three characters- Grant, his producer Sydney and Laural-Ann the tech. Because they are the main source of news for a small town and because they're precisely positioned to intersect the incoming information, we're introduced to the madness of an outbreak in such a unique way: without eyes or even first hand account. It's tension times ten as all accounts of the hysteria are unconfirmable, with discomfort building on top of itself as call ins end in grotesque screams and with confusing mental hooks. The source of the outbreak might be the most unique ever attempted...but I'll stop right there.
I can't delve further into why Pontypool is such a unique entry into my favorite genre without completely spoiling what makes it so effective for you. This is a flick which zombie fans absolutely cannot afford to pass up, even if you've grown fatigued of the en vogue sugenre. It's so refreshing that it might even wipe some of that fatigue away. The atmosphere sucks you in and the story hooks dig themselves in deeper than an Alabama tick. I'd be fascinated to hear what other zombie fans think of this work. Drop me a line after you see it. It's currently available on Netflix Instant watch.
Oh boy do I loves me some cheesy trailers. The menacing voice over, the focus on action, one liners, scares and nudity. It's a whole 80 minute bad movie with the 50 boring minutes having been stripped out, leaving us with a bombastically edited look at the remaining awesome bits, made from concentrate. Enjoy.
Wow, let me just take a moment here before beginning. It's refreshing to not start an article with the "31 Days of Halloween" preface. You should understand that it isn't that I didn't enjoy writing that series, it's simply that it IS an endurance run. I capped off my month long celebration of all things Halloween by attending the annual Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon. This is the fifth incarnation of the 'Thon, of which I've attended all but one (I missed the 3rd year, in 2009). As a long time Exhumed Films goer, I look forward to this event all year long. (the first show I attended was the All Night Italian horrorfest at the now defunct Hoyt's on October 20th, 2000)
The truth is that the Exhumed crew always puts on an elaborate production, from the pre-show announcements and prizes, to wallet emptying horror merchandise enticement and general feel of hanging out with friends. It's a marvelous atmosphere to feel included in. I can't make every show, but I try my hardest- even when it might not features films which I necessarily love or am intimately familiar with- because it's not 100% about what you're seeing but also how you're seeing it and whom you're seeing it with.
Before I showcase the shock and awe blasted into my brain from this weekend's Horrorthon (and with which I am still working to congeal into something more linear), I'd like to discuss that last point in a little more detail. Normally, all Horrothon films are kept an absolute secret right up until the moment that they unspool on screen before hungry eyes. This year there was a break from tradition. Exhumed Films announced that the Philadelphia premier of the new, shot in Africa, zombie film The Dead would take place during their largest event of the year. During the preshow announcements, we were informed that the distributor of the film decided not to even strike ANY 35mm prints, deciding instead to go with digital distribution only. Understandably, this was met with some displeasure amongst the crowd, as to this point, Exhumed Films has only showcased film itself.
This bitter pill put some audience members in such a tizzy that fully half the audience opted to take a longer dinner break rather than sully their film print purism with the possible taint of digital projection. Guys, I get it, you disdain digital and are hardcore print-o-files. There wasn't a print-isn't a print-might never actually be a print of The Dead. You missed a really great zombie flick in the vein of early Romero with some great visuals and even better tension. Name the last zombie film with slow walkers that contained effective, slow building scares.
Now that we're through that, if you're still with me and haven't skipped right to the comments section to explain exactly why you thought dinner at Chili's was more important than a new independent zombie film's Philadelphia premier, let's take a look at exactly what we brave few had seared into our souls. It's important to note that this year's line up consisted only of films that Exhumed has never shown before (with one technical exception). This is a monumental achievement as leading up to this, they've showcased somewhere in the neighborhood of 260 films.
And I know young people today are the visual sort, so accompanying my thoughts on each film is the trailer for it. (mostly because I love trailers so much)
1. Psychomania aka The Death Wheelers - 1973
The psychedelic chic of this odd undead tale was a fantastic way to open the horrorthon's proceedings. With a strange and potent mix of biker road film, satanic pacts, zombies who are no worse for the wear and Bond'esk British styling, Psychomania put us into a hypnotic trance- opening our brain pans, offering space to what we were about to receive.
2. Rodan - 1956
Historically the horrorthon has featured a giant monster movie in the second slot. Nearly any film would face the Sisyphean task of rolling a boulder up the hill that is The Mighty Peking Man (showcased to the delight of all at last year's horrorthon). Rodan radiates 50's giant monster gratification thoughout and is replete with excellent miniature effects - the true star of the film. Slavish devotion was poured into these effects, with stand outs including the ground collapse (in the trailer below) sequence and the volcano sequence. This was an instant time portal to the Saturday afternoons of my youth, which is exactly the time which it played.
3. Frightmare aka The Horror Star - 1983 Frightmare takes the tropes of the Hammer horror subgenre and casts a delightful dance of darkness on it's bones. The resulting floor show is a cornucopia of campy entrapment designed to shake us loose from our comfort food of decades past and casts it in a newer menacing light.
4. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer - 1986
Armed with plenty more snacks still at your disposal, you're cruising through Horrothon five without a care in the world. You're high on life, for truly the greatness of all creation can be extrapolated through the medium of film and many are unspooling before your very eyes. And then...yes and then a random, senseless act of remorseless violence is cast unflinchingly across the silver screen. It locks your attention and brings you back to full focus, crashing repeatedly into your sensibilities like a sledge hammer. Maybe you chuckle during the home invasion scene, but it's an unconscious defense mechanism rather than amusement. That's Henry. Here's his trailer.
5. The Dead - 2010
As an enormous zombie fan, I've done the genre six ways from Sunday by this point. Still, gems such as this one have the ability to surprise and delight. The amazing visuals of the wilds of African mid day juxtaposed with ever present encroaching zombie horde creates a deadly beauty. The gun kills can only be described as kinetic in nature, likely a way to cope with budgetary constraints but perhaps a design choice. The Dead is smartly written enough not to have to rely on characters making stupid mistakes to be over come, which is an amazing consideration given the field of zombie material out there. This independent film is rough around the edges but there is so much to like in the bubbling cauldron that even those with a limited interest in the rotting reanimated subgenre book a vacation to Africa.
6. Trick or Treat - 1986
How does one conceptualize this film, when it contains neither tricking nor treating? It's soul has no real basis in Samahin. Instead this is rock metal voyage helmed by copious amounts of denim and Aqua Net, dragging behind its chains and wielding it's devil horns as a warning to all at map's edge: there be entertainment here. Skewing anti-metal culture and metal culture simultaneously, Trick or Treat spins the plates effortlessly and was perfectly placed to kick the tempo back up after the viciousness of Henry and the stark hopelessness of The Dead.
7. Night Warning aka Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker - 1983
I'm just going to refer to this as Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker since that is by far the superior title. What could you want in a film that this does not have? Crazy lumber beheading car crash? Check. Insane incestuous aunt face licking action? Check. Homophobic cop who invents fictitious gay love triangles on to which he can vent his hatred? Check. Pickled head in a jar? Check. My interest piqued? Check.
8. Frankenhooker - 1990
What would be your course of action if an invention of yours (radio controlled lawn mower) mulched your chubby, pretzel hungry finance into a pile of chipped beef and a head? If the film in which you star is titled Frankenhooker the obvious progression is to feed New York hookers super crack causing them to explode into a rain of diseased limbs from which you constitute a new body for your beloved. Clearly. This fantastic freakshow shares it's sense of humor with the revered Dead Alive and has more tits than you can shake your prick at.
9. Dr.Black and Mr.Hyde aka Decision for Doom - 1976
Stan Winston's transformation effects for the yin-yang flip-flop from black doctor to white murderer are nothing short of astounding. It's astounding that they honestly thought that heavily coating a black man in talcum powder and inserting contacts in his eyes would magically make him appear Caucasian. This trip through blaxploitation land is about par for the course and a welcome part of the horrorthon.
10. Legend of the Wolf Woman aka Naked Werewolf Woman - 1976
Can several erotic flashback sequences bulging with buxom nudity carry a film? They can if the film you're thinking of is Legend of the Wolf Woman, whose lead actress is compelling to look at, which is paramount, since she'll do just about anything to strip down and take fun sized bites out of dudes, almost at random. It's a confusing ride, which never delivers with an actual werewolf, except in the past- where she comes equipped with hairy big toe sized nipples. At this stage in the game, anything to get the blood flowing again is welcome, even if it's bundled with the strings of chest hair attached.
11. Blood Diner - 1987 (released 1990)
This mad cap, silly story of two brothers dedicated to reincarnating the heinous goddess Sheetar with the guidance of their disembodied uncle, who's just a brain and eyes in viscous goop yet retains the power of speech, is oft overlooked for it's silly nature. Truly you would be wasting you time trying to rationalize the finer points of Blood Diner, just trap in and enjoy the blood feast.
12. The Burning - 1981
Did you know Jason Alexander once had a full head of luscious hair? It's true; he wasn't born bald and he played the cool guy. There's lots to love in this fantastic slasher and it was excellently placed to bring back the focus of those attendees who'd gone all sleepy eyed and weak necked. This is arguably Tom Savini's best work and Cropsey is still believably hideous to look upon. I always loved the twist on the well established "last girl" trope becoming "last boy".
13. Maximum Overdrive - 1986
Trust me when I tell you: Once you've been awake for 30 plus hours, you start to see things at the edge of your vision. Things which aren't quite there and on which you can't quite focus. Dodging and leaping from sight the instant you glance at them, you know they're there. Those bastards. If you didn't doze, you're reaching a critical point and pretty much no act of god is going to help you in your quest to remain in the land of the conscious. Nothing that is, but a heaping dose of Emilio Estevez. He's like entertainment crack for your sleep deprived brainstem. Sprinkle him on your spleen. Is Maximum Overdrive a good film? Who cares? It's a shit load of fun.
14. Meet the Feebles - 1989
Power to stay awake fading...Braindrive overload...[Rebooting]...defrag complete. Loading [film recognition software]...reading input "Wingnut films"...processing...
Wait, Wingnut. Isn't that Peter Jackson? Yeah it is. Is this Bad Taste? No, they showed that already. What about Dead/Alive? No, was shown as part of a double feature with Bad Taste. So what could thi...OH MY GOD IT'S MEET THE FEEBLES!
My apologies. I couldn't help but relay exactly what went through my head at roughly 10:30am as the last film of the marathon began to hit my retinas. The way my brain went about working with low cognitive power is a recollection I won't soon forget. What a great, upbeat way to conclude the festivities. If you call muppets on drugs, fucking like bunnies (and in some cases actually fucking bunnies), singing about sodomy and killing each other upbeat. This is a film I never believed I'd see on film. Thank you Exhumed Films.
A few observances:
-This seemed to be the most consistent line up of any Horrorthon- there were no super highs but conversely there were no staggering lows in the film selection either, rather they were all good/great throughout.
-The Cafe in the lobby of the IHouse continues to rule. Biz makes sandwiches that must be some modern day, watered down form of elvish magic, but with meat in them.
-Some of you seriously aren't taking your hygiene concerns seriously. I shouldn't catch a wiff of you strong enough to nearly take me from my feet just from walking by on a trip to the bathroom. Perhaps you're adjusted to the odoriferousness. We aren't, be kind to our noses.
-I'd love to see 7 Exhumed Films 'Greatest hits' and 7 films which have never been shown before. Though I shouldn't say anything since I've loved every line up so far. So I'll just say this: Give me more of whatever you want, EF. You haven't steered me wrong yet.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Left 4 Dead 2
It's not often that a horror video game can keep up with it's players. Very often we gamers interact with these virtual realities in different, unpredictable ways. The development teams can't compensate for this and thus an uneven experience in terror is digested with dissatisfaction (and perhaps a Pepcid AC). That mold is broken (and kicked around for good measure) by Left 4 Dead 2 and it's predecessor, Left 4 Dead. And while the first game is also excellent, we're going to focus on the second one today as it triumphantly builds upon what worked well in the first and adds several critical features (such as a full compliment of melee weapon options).
Each level has it's own stylized B-horror poster like this.
Left 4 Dead 2 is a zombie first person shooter. You select one of four survivors to control, ideally teaming up with three competent friends with which to ward off the teeming masses of flesh hungry monsters. If you have no friends, the game does a commendable job of controlling the other three characters in a "playing with your friends-esk manner". Though you really should play with your friends, it's better than playing with yourself on your own. The cooperative component is built into the foundation of the gameplay. If you get knocked down by some of the special infected, only a teammate can help you back up, though in some situations you can continue shooting your pistol as you bleed to death (very heroic).
Children of the rotting corn.
Here's what sets this game far above and beyond others: The Director. The director is the name given to the procedurally generated zombies. What the hell does that mean? This means that unlike nearly all video games with preplaced enemies, in this game the infected are placed randomly around the world. There are also junctions which you'll come to, where the level has been altered from the last time you played FORCING you down an unfamiliar path. If all of this was not enough, the Director is constantly measuring the progress of you and your companions. If it decides you are having too easy of a time slaughtering it's killer denizens, it increases the instances of them and may send difficult to kill, powerful special infected zombies at you. There are subtle musical clues which accompany these events, including "crescendo events" -where you're about to be overwhelmed by dozens to hundreds of the rotting meatbags.
The game world itself comes alive with little details. These shine through in helping to create a world of despair, where hope is almost irrelevant. You receive just enough sustenance (ammo, medical supplies, etc) to make seem as though you might just make it. The safe room, momentarily protected respites between levels, offer a canvas for the mythology of this outbreak to germinate in your imagination.
It's the kind of playground that any self respecting horror fan would love to find themselves in. I can't recommend it to you enough. Just writing about it is making we want to go play it again. If it any flaw it's that it cares about killing me too much.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
The Midnight Hour
Oh yes, it has begun! The temperature has finally gone from closer to summer-esk to delightful fall chill. The TV channels have begun their heavy horror film rotations. I should point out that SyFy, despite how much I hate the name and their normally terrible choice in programing, has done what most channels should have been; that is dedicate the whole month to horror flicks. Nevertheless, it's that time of year, so check your TV Guide cable menu and tag those flicks you love to your DVR.
One of those movie experiences you need to check out is The Midnight Hour, which is especially important to record since it isn't currently available to the home video market. I'd heard a rumor that dream fulfilling Shout! Factory is working on a release of it but until then my Anchor Bay VHS is apparently worth over $100 bucks on EBay. It must be the LaVar Burton star power.
This made for TV movie isn't going to make your gore-o-meter twitch from it's start position but that's no reason not to give it a fair shake. It contain zombies, ghosts, vampires and witches though I wouldn't call it a kitchen sink approach since it all makes sense in context. A group of high schoolers break into their small New England town's museum to steal historical clothing to wear as costumes to their Halloween party, which is later that night. As fate would have it, one of the teens is the great-grand daughter of a witch who cursed the town 300 years earlier. They find a strange scroll in among the possession and she then reads it, in a graveyard, unleashing both zombies and ghosts, along with the witch, who is seemingly now a vampire.
As is par for the course in these situations, no one notices there is a problem early on because it's Halloween. Before you know it, we have a vampire dance number on our hands and this shit just gets real. Built into all of this is an innocent love story and as I mentioned LaVar Burton, of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Reading Rainbow fame. The Midnight Hour is a fun, innocent, Halloween themed romp that you can share with the whole family. Make sure you DVR it if it's gracing your programming line up.
I give The Midnight Hour four LaVar Burtons....out of Five.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Michael Jackson's Thriller
Now we're in it. We're half way to Halloween and it's time to kick this count down into overdrive. There's only one right way to do it proper and that's with the most influential and important music video of all time. I don't care if you absolutely hate Michael Jackson (no one did in 1984), you're gonna put that distaste aside for the next twenty minutes and listen to me. This massively influential achievement deserves your love and you deserve it's spectacle.
Thriller is a collaborative effort between director John Landis (of An American Werewolf in London fame) and The King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The singer contacted the director after watching American Werewolf and quite frankly it couldn't have worked out any better. Thriller is really a short form horror piece with a dance number. It's a love letter to horror films wrapped in expensive paper and accented with a schlocky bow.
The opening is in a 50's timeframe, with Jackson in his varsity jacket and his date in a poodle skirt. An excellent touch to this whole scene, a movie within a video, is that there are film damage pops to give it a more stressed look. After the two exchange a promise ring, Jackson transforms into a werecat, giving Landis the chance to show off some of the effectiveness of his on screen transformations. Here we pan to the audience watching this film, in the 80's, with Jackson noshing on some popcorn and his date disgusted by the werecat attack. She leaves and we're treated to the outside of the beautiful Palace Theater, with Thriller staring Vincent Price on the marquee. As you're watching this part, check out some of the excellent vintage posters in the background.
The walk home is where the actual singing kicks in and really, everything is going fine until they decide to walk past a cemetery shrouded in fog. Wouldn't you know it, Vincent Price is on hand to recite his now famous "rap", to which the zombies emerge to stalk out happy couple. Before you know it, they're surrounded. What follows is the most repeated part of the video, the amazingly choreographed zombie dance sequence. So famous that it's been performed by daring wedding parties, repentant prison inmates and creative protesters alike. Just check out YouTube, there's so many that I'm surprised there hasn't been a reality contest show centered around it. So You Think You Can Thriller. (I want a cut of the profits)
Why am I spending so much time discussing a fourteen minute music video? Believe it or not, Thriller might have had the most impact on me as a child as perhaps any other single piece of media. It came out when I was very young, it was in rapid rotation on an MTV that was only in the business of showcasing videos (it played once every hour for the whole first year after it's release), it scared my sister and I (we would hide behind the recliner in the living room- it had a brown, yellow and orange afghan) and it was fun. Always the most important factor. The truth is that both my sister and I still have a lingering fear and a tremendous love of zombies- our favorite flavor of horror. This isn't an isolated happenstance, it's a culturally ingrained dynamic. It was important to me, it still is.
I'm gonna leave you with a link so you can watch it yourself. It's a Halloween treat and like I said, it kicks our countdown into overdrive. From here on out, everything we showcase will have a sharper Halloween focus. Enjoy.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Zombies!!! the Board Game
A board game? Is Chuck for real?
Yes. This is a table top strategy game. But you control a "shotgun guy". The setting is an overrun town. Zombies are everywhere. This is a fun game to play while watching a horror flick with friends.
You can't tell, but there's a whole mess of zombies in this box
If you aren't familiar with the game Zombies!!!, allow me to elaborate. All players start as "shotgun guys" in the town square. Each turn the players make starts with drawing a placing a tile adjacent to one of the others already on the map. Then they place zombies on that tile. Once all that's in place, they then get to move their character AND move some zombies. So yes, you can actively screw your friends over by moving brain munchers right to them.
Combat is handled with simple dice rolls and there are also event cards, used to simulate either luck for the player or terrible happenstances for their opponents. The objective is to be the first to escape at the helicopter (which is in the bottom half of the tile deck - not even available from the start) or the first to kill twenty-five zombies.
There's a lot of subtle strategies available here, especially when you factor in the special location cards- fire stations, police headquarters, garden stores and hospitals all have either extra life or extra weapon bonus' to be had if you're willing to brave clearing them of shufflers. Some players might choose to combine forces in repelling the undead, only to have one partner turn on the other when the helicopter seems attainable. It's fascinating how well a tile and dice board game can cause zombie aficionados to emulate the worst in human behavior over something so small as a game. I wonder how quickly they'd do the same when the real zombie apocalypse comes calling.
There are also 10 expansions, adding new locales to the game for those who like additional flavors of zombie death. Those expansions include a military base, sewers and subways, a cemetery, a school, a prison, and of course everyone's favorite location, the mall. If your attention span is somewhat lacking, there is a video game version of Zombies!!! available for Windows Phone 7. Of course, that's not going to help most people.
Snag a copy of Zombies!!! the board game, with it's hundreds of little plastic zombie men, today and get your brain-munch on.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
How to Survive a Horror Movie by Seth Grahame-Smith
Some of you might wonder why I waited this far into October to present the one book which might increase the survival rate of those who have unfortunately become trapped within a horror film. "Don't you want everyone to survive this Halloween season, Chuck?" No. What sort of horror film would this be if everyone made it? Survival of the fittest, which in this case is the horror nerds.
How to Survive a Horror Movie came at the tail end of the "How to Survive ______" crazy of pocket sized books. You might recall every subjected imaginable had one, from college, to marriage, to action movies and more. They were good for a laugh but none of them were important and meaningful in the way this book is. You see, if you've accidentally stepped into the terrorverse (The universe all horror films reside in) your chance to survive is approaching nil.
That's where Seth Grahame-Smith comes in. You might have seen his name attached to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies or Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the latter of which should be required reading for all horror and vampire-o-files. Here he takes you step by step, explaining the rules of the Terrorverse and how to identify if you've become trapped in it. Once you ascertain that, the individual sub-genres are divided into separate chapters. So we get into detail on slasher killers, inanimately evil objects of death, ghosts/zombies/reanimated denizens, out of this world aliens and monstrous beasts(vampires, mummies, wolfmen, Oprah) then we finish up with demons, satanic rituals and the devil.
Each of these topics are handled with such excellent wit, tongue firmly planted in cheek. The situational examples are all from very famous horror films, without calling them out by name. Much of the fun I have is quizzing my wife to see if she can figure out which reference comes from which film. It's blatantly obvious that Mr. Grahame-Smith is an enormous horror nerd himself and he takes great pains to craft a book which we would all love.
Illustrations are peppered throughout, they're fantastic and stylish- contributing to the built in camp factor. If you're looking for an inexpensive Halloween present or a fun book on horror with a lot of mileage, you really need How to Survive a Horror Movie. It's compulsory reading in my household, except for my cats. If they could read it, I'd have to reference chapter 3 and we'd have a problem.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Dead Rising
Dead Rising is the first video game we're taking a look at, as part of our 31 Days of Halloween celebration. Released in 2006, this zombie video game takes place completely in a mall, nestled within a small Midwestern town, which has suffered an undead outbreak. You play as dashing photojournalist Frank West (who's been in wars, y'know). He purposefully charters a helicopter to break the government quarantine and expose the story to the outside world. Frank plans to be picked up on the roof in three days time. Interestingly, the game clock runs continuously as you play; plot events don't advance the time.
So you've got a limited time to save people, acquire supplies, fight the undead and get out alive. It's a great tension builder. On the subject of fighting, Dead Rising allows you do use nearly anything, no matter how ineffective, as a weapon. Want to use that mall trash can to fight? Go ahead. Golf clubs, baseball bats, diamonds, shopping carts, lawn mowers, bowling balls, cash registers and way more are available to smash and bash the walking dead. You can even wield garden sprinklers, to gory blood fountain effect. It's all in the name of camp, of cheese, and it's just so much fun.
While the thrust of the game is gleefully slaughtering the aimless, shambling zombies, your most dangerous foe of all are psychopaths, humans gone all different flavors of violent crazy. In many ways such as this, Dead Rising heavily apes from the Romero formula. The game manual even has a disclaimer that it is in no way endorsed by Mr. Romero. However it's clear inspired by it, paying homage to it and giving us license to live out our Dawn of the Dead emergency plan fantasy. Don't be coy, we've all thought about where we'd go in a zombie apocalypse. Well, here's a game that allows you to live it out. I can't think of a better way (at least today) to get into the Halloween spirit. Happy hunting.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Night of the Living Dead
Romero's 1968 masterpiece ran on all the channels every Halloween when I was little. Yup, all six channels we had in those archaic, pre-cable television days. I think I may have fist seen it in '86 or '87 (around when I was six) and it made an immediate impact on me, as such things were apt to.
To this day, zombies are still my favorite flavor of the horror spectrum. The hopelessness that pervades the entire film, the surrounded feeling, the quiet desperation of those willing to fight back- these themes make Night of the Living Dead a timeless film that's especially fun around Halloween.
It shouldn't be too difficult to find a version to watch- there were issues with it's copyright- so you can usually find it on steaming services, no problem. It also usually gets air play on TMC the week before Halloween and is available on YouTube too. Just make sure to watch it in the original black and white.
If you've never seen it, now's the time ghouls and ghosties.
Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.
Book: The Zombie Survival Guide
By Max Brooks
This book lives right next to my official U.S. Army Survival Manual in my library. It's that important. There's an interesting and quite telling story about the placement of this book at retailers, which I'd heard years ago: Max Brooks (son of Mel) heard the booksellers placed his work in the comedy sections of their stores. He immediately contacted his publisher and demanded it be moved to the self help/non-fiction section, as surviving the zombie apocalypse is no laughing matter. I love this guy.
True to his stance in this story, Brooks considers everything from a realistic point of view. What weapons are best due to ease of use, availability and durability, what mode of transportation should you use (noise attracts the undead and cars require fuel), even where you should flee to depending on what size classification of outbreak you are stuck in. It's all here, all of those nerd-case-scenarios that you and your friends discuss ad nauseam, here and scientifically dissected for reliability and survivability.
Brooks came to the idea of writing this guide after touring colleges as a public speaker, with real weapons as examples. And his book even follows the expected guide formula. There is an outbreak journal in the back, where you can record all the historically important details for posterity, in case you don't make it (you probably won't). There's also a fantastic appendix which details all suspected recorded outbreaks throughout history. As you might have expected, a Roman Legion had the most success in putting down a larger scale outbreak, due to their extreme regimental training and tactics. You'll see this again if you read his followup book World War Z. In it, the most effective tactic for armies is to form into outward facing squares, with replacements behind for breaks.
With Halloween being the most likely time for the dead to walk the earth, I figured you deserved a chance to live. Pick this up, zombie hunters, and live to fight another day.
I sat down on the couch, suppressing a delighted squeal of joy. With hands slightly shaking, my eyes took in over the top zaniness depicted on the large cardboard packaging. I know that the painted poster cover is lying to my face. They all do. It’s a game and we’ve played it hundreds of times. I love the game. Elements of exciting horror depicted on the outer shell will be completely absent from the product about to unspool over silvered tape heads and onto my television. I don’t care, the lie is part of joy.
The enormous cardboard box is just a larger canvas to convince me to rent or purchase what is likely a crappy Z grade movie. As the glossy, colorful paper packaging gives way to my ravenous touch, I spy the prize inside. Measuring just about seven and a half inches long, with a width of just a hair over four, it’s most interesting feature is that it’s bright red where many of it’s kind only come in black. I can barely contain my self as I slot the plastic purveyor of joy into the VCR and listen for the characteristic sound of the heads engaging as the front flap swings closed. It’s show time.
The most interesting thing about my introduction above is that it isn't from my childhood (it isn’t). No, it happened this morning. I swear. Over the weekend, I attended Monster Mania Con 19 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. While perusing the vender tables, my vision was grabbed by the balls and diverted to the table for Alternative Cinema. They had the, as yet, unreleased The Basement. And when I say unreleased, I really mean it. Filmed in 1989 and put on a shelf for over 20 years, The Basement was restored and is about to be released on September 13th. It’s a Super 8 feature film from Tim O’Rawe of Ghoul School fame. With all of the wares on display, it would have been easy to pass this by, but I would have been a damned fool to do so. You see, this is a DVD and VHS release!
Inside the overlarge box is a tray. If you where to pick up and then pitch the DVD over your nerdy shoulder, you would behold a brand new, bright red, plastic wafer of the geek gods. I fired up my VIDEO HOME SYSTEM player, slotted the tape and was whisked back to the video rental days of my youth. I was a rainy day kid, on a mission to drink fully the dregs of the horror section.
There is something you must understand. There are levels of “bad” films; circular rings that descend downward to unimaginable horrors that many would feign to plumb. Your misunderstanding is that downward always equals worse; less worthy of viewership. It does not. As anyone who enjoys Boardinghouse or Troll 2 must understand, there are morsels of enjoyment to be had in most bad cinema, so long as heart is there, so long as desire is there.The Basement has that. It’s a Super 8 anthology collection, a poor man’s Tales from the Crypt or Creepshow, replete with a ghastly creature whose job it is to warn sinners that their monstrous actions to come will lead to their damnation. The tales are ghoulishly macabre and they revel in black humor, just as the 50’s EC comics, which they’re surely based on, did. At the end of 70 minutes, many questions where answered for me:
What happens to zombie film directors who say “Fuck you and Fuck George Romero”? Bad things. What happens to cheating wives who kill their husbands? Bad things. What happens to demon possessed murdereds? Bad things. Most interestingly: What happens to mean old bastards who refused to celebrate the spirit of Halloween? Vacation to Disney? No! bad things, with delightful shades of Trick 'R' Treat.
You want the honest truth? I haven’t even taken the cellophane off of the DVD. I don’t know that I ever will. Then again, maybe I should. There's four more schlocky films to be spitted, cooked over flame and devoured.
Marvin the Macabre from The Montana Mancave Massacre put out a Bat Signal, requesting top 10 lists from the internet's horror-sphere. Below is my personal list, not that of the Entire Midnight Cheese crew. Some of them may also post theirs, I know Noel is working on his.
Before we get started, I just want to admit that this was not easy. I picked movies on two different factors: did they scare me and/or did I have fun watching them. I'm sure you'll disagree, but I've got the floor so just sip your latte and sit there captain mocha pants.
#10 - Freddy vs Jason - 2003
Directed by Ronny Yu
I don't want to hear it, ok? I waited my entire adolescence for this film to happen and you know what? It was fucking awesome. Sure the teenage characters where generic and forgettable, but you know they aren't at all why you went to see this movie. Robert Englund is at the top of his Freddy game. The only lamentable point is the lack of Kane Hodder as Jason.
#9 - Dawn of the Dead - 2004
Directed by Zach Snyder
Yeah the remake. Does it stand up to Romero's instrumental classic? Absolutely not, it's not even in the same league. However, when you judge it on it's own merits, it's a fun zombie ride. The cast is great, the action starts nearly right away and the credits sequence is satisfying, to say the least.
#8 - Rammbock: Berlin Undead - 2010
Directed by Marvin Kren
I wrote about it here. It's very Romero inspired and it does it right. While it has a short running time, ever minute is engaged to full effect. The best zombie film of 2010.
#7 - 28 Days Later - 2002
Directed by Danny Boyle
It would have been hard to have this list without this masterpiece, as so many of my favorites are zombie flicks and this is the movie that brought the sub genre back from the dead. That's funny to consider when you realize that there aren't any zombies in 28 Days Later! (the dead do not rise in the movie, do they smart ass?)
#6 - Land of the Dead - 2005
Directed by George Romero
His first entry in the Dead series since 'Day in '85 has a social message more meaningful today, six years later, than it did on release. Here we have the absolutely filthy wealthy, living in secluded luxury, while the rest of the surviving human population all live in slums. They're all surrounded by zombies, but the rich aren't any worse off for it and could care less even though the world outside has ended. And, oh yeah, it's a great zombie movie too.
#5 - [REC] - 2007
Directed by - Jaume Balaguero
[REC] is a first person perspective demon/zombie movie from Spain. Set inside a small, old apartment building that has been sealed off by the government, we see through the eyes of a TV reporter's camera man. It's awesome, it's creepy and it scared the crap out of me. It was remade a year later as Quarantine for American audiences, who where judged too stupid to see a subtitled movie. See the real movie.
#4 - Grindhouse - 2007
Directed by - Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez
So I'm cheating a bit, but I saw this as it was meant to be: as on long experience, replete with cheesy trailers and snipes and clocking in at over 3 hours long. I refused to purchase it on home video, even though I loved every minute of it, until it was available in it's original form, last year. This is fun, this is entertainment, more than anything, this "gets it".
#3 -Paranormal Activity - 2007, released 2009
Directed by - Oren Peli
The Internet is rife with stupid man-babies in an echo chamber who think they are movie critics and all believe that they hate this film, most sight-unseen. I'll admit that it's the least technically proficient film in this list, no question. However, it scared me like no other movie this decade. It's effective, it's frightening and it does exactly what a horror film is supposed to.
#2 - Trick 'r' Treat - 2007
Directed by Michael Dougherty
Shelved for two years, then released direct to DVD, this anthology film channels the delightful macabre of the Tales from the Crypt and Creepshow series'. It revels in dishing out comeuppance and is wicked fun. Its been added to my yearly Halloween watch list as it embodies the spirit of that day more than any other film I can think of. It's a travesty what Warner Brothers did to it's release and it's robbed it from it becoming a yearly sequel release, as the director intended.
#1 - Shaun of the Dead - 2004
Directed by Edgar Wright
Where do I start on the subject of this Rom-Com-Zom? (romantic comedy with zombies). For starters, it lovingly lifts from and homages to all things Romero. It's witty, it's charming, it's hysterically funny. And its full of bloody zombies. I've watched this movie dozens of times and love it every time. It clicks on all wavelength and is, in my opinion, the best horror flick this past decade.
So there you have it, you may disagree but I want to know your list. Reply in the comments so I can check it out.
Here at the Midnight Cheese, few things tug at our heartstrings quite the way that zombie films do. Actually it's more a vice-gripped, grasping tear at our heartstrings, followed by some breathless moans of delight and a hearty chomp down of dead teeth. So when we were given the chance to take an early look at the new DVD release of Rammbock: Berlin Undead, we pulled our shotguns off the mantle to repel those shambling monstrosities with good old American firepower!
Hold on a minute there John Wayne, this is not that sort of zombie movie. And you know what? That's exactly why it’s successful. Rammbock centers around the misadventures of broken hearted Michael, who hitches a ride into Berlin to try and win back his exgirlfriend Gabi, under the guise of returning her keys (Smooth). This is where our ride kicks off, as we waste almost no time immersing ourselves in the undead masses. Michael links up with Harper, a youthful handyman's apprentice, and the two manage to secure Gabi's apartment for the time being.
"But what about Gabi?" I know, shouldn't she be there? Turns out she just stepped out minutes before Michael arrived and could be anywhere. To make matters worse, our hero dropped his cell phone in the mad struggle to shore up their barricade in the first place. It's a very compelling hook, one which sinks in thanks largely to the performance of Michael Fuith. As our hero, he's very vulnerable but he's also very likable and determined. He and Harper, played by Theo Trebs, play off of each other very well and clearly have good on screen chemistry; which is absolutely essential in the narrow confines of Gabi's Berlin apartment complex.
The location scouts deserve a cookie here. The narrow apartment complex really pushes the claustrophobia up several notches, very much like the Spanish film [REC] (which I also highly recommend). Interestingly, the survivors can interact with each other via windows overlooking a small courtyard shared by the apartments-turned prison cells. But they can’t help one another, however much they might wish to.
Where Rammbock really sets itself apart, though, is with its clever spin on the zombie infection concept. Of the hundreds of films to come out during the last decade’s zombie boom, the vast majority of them are completely content to imitate exactly what has come before with very little variation. Perhaps they try to ratchet up the gore quotient or make the zombies run faster (or make them strippers, yikes), but all in all it’s fast become a stale, rotting subgenre. The zombies in Rammbock aren’t trying to tear you limb from limb or eat you. They’re rabid humans. They’re attacking to maim and they’re trying to bite survivors. The bite imparts an infection; pretty standard fare so far, right?
Ok check this out: the infection doesn’t turn you into a zombie unless your body produces adrenaline which moves the infection to your brain and causes an irreversible transformation. This sets up some pretty interesting scenarios. How do you keep yourself from triggering your fight or flight during the height of a zombie apocalypse? The film showcases several fascinating attempts to survive a bite infection, which is all the more important since the body can fight it off given enough time. However once you have to fight for your life or even just get over excited, it’s permanent zombification time. I won’t spoil the most effective technique for combating the undead, but it’s not guns. In fact, there aren’t any fire arms or head smashing in Rammbock. There is a lot of smart thinking going on and a handful on ingenuity.
At sixty-three minutes in length, Rammbock does not disappoint, packing more of a ride than most of its contemporaries do in ninety minutes. The new DVD release includes the standard behind the scenes feature we’ve come to expect and then delights with a very funny zombification public service announcement bonus. The newly minted DVD was released this week. Check out Rammbock: Berlin Undead, the most original take on the zombie concept since 28 Days Later.
Oh, how nostalgic we are for the wonder that was 1980s cinema. It was the perfect combination of experimentation and blatant selling out. The space that existed between Raiders of the Lost Ark and Roger Rabbit is practically eight years of throwing something against the wall, just to see what sticks. A wonderful example of this phenomenon is a little gem, seen more by accident on Cinemax than in theatres around the world, called Dead Heat.
“Remember the good old days, when bullets used to kill people.” – Doug Bigelow
Starring Treat Williams (the poor man’s Tommy Lee Jones) and Joe Piscopo (post SNL, muscled and mulleted) are two LAPD detectives, cleaning up the mean streets with their standard issue side arms and butter knife sharp wit. During a routine bank robbery shoot-out (which is like a typical Tuesday in LA), Detectives Roger Mortis (Williams…note the name… get it) and Doug Bigelow (Piscopo, still with a mullet) realize that these bad guys aren't going down with bullet hits. Oh no, zombies!
As their pursuit of the dim bulb zombie robbers continues, they find themselves at Dante Laboratories, where something foul is afoot. Roger dies tragically and Doug decides, "Hey, why not put my partner and best friend's body in this huge machine, just to see what it does." The machine reanimates Roger and now we've got a movie!
What transpires is 90 minutes of madcap buddy cop comedy and one-liners to spare. Roger only has twelve hours before he completely decomposes. That's more than enough time to kick a little ass and get to the bottom of this zombie business.
There are more than enough things to love about this movie, many of which derive from Piscopo's Doug Bigelow. He's unnaturally buff (coughcoughsteroidscough) and rocking that Jerry curl like a pro. There's no shame in his comedic timing. So much so that you can't help but giggle even at the clunkers. The man commits. Williams is the straight guy, learning to live a little more every time he takes a bullet and doesn't go down. Whether they're fighting hulking monsters, reanimated post-butchered cows (yes) or each other, the brisk pace of this shiny turd keeps you entertained.
Directed by Mark Goldblatt, an Oscar nominated editor whose only other feature film directed endeavor was the Dolph Lundgren Punisher a year later. His fine-tuned editing chops come in handy with this mash up of genres. The make up and creature effects are fun, if not accurate and surprisingly effective when they are. With such a ridiculous premise and execution, it's hard not to love Dead Heat for what it is. I love the reckless abandon of 80s genre cinema. It's like there's a dartboard filled with contrived premises and the screenwriters landed their darts on Buddy Cop, Zombie, and Action Comedy.
Having seen the film numerous times in my youth, I was shocked how it held up by my (sometimes) unrealistic expectations today. If I'm going to commit to a movie now a days, it better be worth it. Oh, boy is Dead Heat worth it. So much in fact that I petition to you, Midnight Cheeseheads, let's get this re-made. Perhaps staring Will Smith and Ben Affleck or something, directed by someone that understands movies can be fun, even when they don't make sense. Keep the zombie butcher shop scene and it'll be box office gold!
It's that time of the week again; the time to tuck in and focus on the movie appetizer sampler that is The Trailer Dump. This week's focus is a little more early 90's cheese as recommended by Noel, with one or two surprises thrown in by me. Bon appetite!
Zombies, ya know I hate 'em; always coming around trying to eat my flesh and tear my friends limb from limb. Do you know what I hate more though? Nazis, the only other indefensible group that it's always ok to kill. They make a natural pairing, two parts despicable and always threatening. And who doesn't enjoy watching nazi zombies get slaughtered, bashed in and blown to bits? So if the equation makes so much sense, why are there so few films that fit this bill? You've probably seen a few, most likely Shock Waves and Dead Snow. But I'd bet that you'd be hard pressed to name 4 more. The fact is that there are, sadly less than a dozen and many of them take the awesome potential offered by the nazi zombie concept then let it fizzle with a wet whimper; like a fire cracker under water. So let's take a look back to see what went wrong and what's worth watching.
The Pre-Show: A Different Sort of Zombie
These two flicks are pre-Romero and are only loosely zombie films as we define them today, but are worth mentioning as having planted the seeds of what was to come.
Revenge of the Zombies - 1943
John Carradine, father of genre fave David Carradine, plays an evil Nazi scientist named Max, who is resurrecting zombies to serve as warriors for the Third Reich. Everything is honky-dory until his wife dies and he uses his voodoo science magic on her. Unlike the rest of the zombies, she exhibits signs of free will and battles Max for control of the thralls. Glenn Kay interestingly remarks in his book Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide that the studios didn't feel, at this point, that the walking dead were interesting enough to carry a movie on their own and so zany subplots about nazis and mad scientists were added. This one is interesting as the prototype nazi zombie flick and for the climactic scene, but outside that it's slow and hasn't aged well. And of course, it doesn't have any of the gore genre fans so demand.
The Frozen Dead - 1967
20 years after the fall of the Third Reich, nazi scientists keep the heads of prominent war leaders frozen until such time as they can reattach them to bodies and take over the world (I hate it when that happens). Of interest here are the science experiments, hapless victims with glass domed heads and wires hooked directly to nerve endings. The zombie makeup is comprised of the standard grey pallor with mussed hair, which is cool as it's clear we've mostly moved on from voodoo zombies. Still the zombies are not what we've become accustomed to, but the torture is ratcheted up from earlier 60s horror films so you might want to check it out. I found the disconnected body parts attempting to be controlled by a severed, electroded head, to be an interesting concept, at least.
First Wave: 80's Zombie Dance Party
Zombies were all the rage by the late 70's and early 80's, so it should come as little surprise that it's this time period that produced the first wave of undead fascists. Sadly, a lot of that wasted potential I mentioned comes from this group. Yup, wasted potential, sounds like the 80's to me.
Shock Waves - 1977
The progenitor of the Nazi Zombie sub genre is also the only good entry in it for over 30 years! A groups of 20-somethings take up pleasure cruising on the yacht of John Carradine. Off the coast of a beautiful tropical island, the ship runs into a strange submerged wreck and the passengers have to take refuge on the seemingly abandoned piece of paradise. In a brilliant piece of location scouting, the mysterious ship that serves as the nazi transport is the real life S.S. Sapona; a concrete transport ship from WWII that had run aground. The group runs into a wickedly scarred Peter Cushing, the nazi commander in charge of an aqua division of zombie shock troopers. Interestingly, once they're unleashed, the zombies act with a purpose and somewhat intelligently. Folks connected with this film (mainly the makeup artist, writer and director) took the lessons they learned in this low budget guilty pleasure and went on to help create Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Deathdream and Return of the Living Dead part II. Clearly they had a soft, rotting spot for zombies. I won't spoil their secret weakness, but it's not your standard headshot. Shock Waves does everything right and of the films listed here, this is one of the two you should rush right out and see.
Oasis of the Zombies - 1981
The first of the pale imitators hoping to cash in on the relative success of Shock Waves. A group of SS troopers are tasked with moving a large amount of gold across northern Africa. The allies ambush them and between the sides, only one man survives to escape. After he's killed, his son sets out to find the lost treasure. The action here is tepid and the pacing couldn't be any slower. Perhaps director Jess Franco actually discovered time travel after a fashion, because he clearly found a way to make an eighty-two minute film feel as though it was three hours overlong. What passes for action sequences here do nothing to break up the tedium. We watch as teenagers just mill around and talk. We watch as badly made up zombies finally get about their business. We watch this one with friends...over drinks, if at all.
Zombie Lake - 1981
Nubile flesh fans take note: if you've searched high and low for your fill of early 80's tits and ass coupled with undead fascist assholes, this is your film. Here's the plot, such as it is: The French resistance kill a nazi patrol and hide their bodies in a nearby lake. Years later, nubile young girls from the nearby town skinny dip in the lake. This, of course, causes the ghastly Germans to rise from the dead and seek vengeance(and booty). I'm convinced that the setting and title were chosen just as an excuse to shoot the swimming ladies from directly below as they tread water, which is the only pulse pounding action in Zombie Lake. I suppose that might be a little disingenuous of me, there are a few explosions, of the combustion variety. Enjoy it, won't you?
Revenge of the Zombies - 1981
I watched this for you people. Damn you. Ok, here goes. Investigators stumble upon records for the USA's WWII chemical corps. Along the way, they hear rumors regarding left over nazi zombies, in this case, actors with a bad case of blue make-up syndrome. This one isn't even worth watching, not even in the "so bad it's good" vien. The titular zombies only appear in the film for a total of five minutes. This has been a public service announcement, you have been warned.
Revival: Back from the Dead...Again
Zombies fans have had much to rejoice about over the past decade, for never have we had such an unprecedented amount of zombie content released over all forms of media. We've had some great(and bad) comics, video games, movies, tv shows, wall calendars, dolls and way more. So it was only a matter of time before zombies of the WWII variety got the come back treatment. Perhaps after the bad taste left by Oasis of the Zombies, Zombie Lake and Revenge of the Zombies, the world needed a vacation from the Nazi Zombie sub genre. Let's hope that this new round gives a few more choice, meaty selections.
Outpost - 2008
I heard about Outpost from a friend, who assured me it wasn't your standard zombie fare. He wasn't wrong. Outpost is an interesting film which combines uneven parts mercenary action, nazi zombie, occult sci-fi and alternate reality shifting. I owe you an explanation for all that. This British production see a corporate scientist hiring a team of paramilitary mercenaries tasked with escorting him to and from an abandoned WWII Nazi bunker; itself the site of German experiments on their own soldiers. However, things are rarely never as easy as they seem in these films, and the mercs are beset by mysterious enemys, who appear as shadows in the forest. As it turns out, the nazis were working on a generator which would allow their soldiers to shift into alternate dimensions (interestingly, this is something that they really where alleged to have been trying to do). The experiment went wrong, creating dimension shifting, unkillable, vengeful nazi zombies. Perhaps taking a queue from Shock Waves, the rotting meat sacks here aren't slow, mindless gibbering idiots. They're coordinated, fast, stealthy and very lethal. Here's where I'm not so thrilled: while the practical gore effects are really awesome and excellent done, this film falls into the modern trap of using too much CGI gore effects, which I've yet to see really done well in this sort of film. It doesn't ruin the film, but it certainly doesn't make it any better. I recommend giving this one a look, just understand it isn't your standard zombie flick.
Dead Snow - 2009
I'll come right out and say it, this movie is god damned fun. Coming right out of left field (Norway), Dead Snow was clearly made with care by folks who absolutely love the genre. Director Tommy Wirkola and writer Stig Frode Henriksen (who costars in the film as Roy) have crafted a loving homage to the gory, sleazy 80's zombie movie in much the same way Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg did for the Romero zombie style film with Shawn of the Dead. In a nutshell the film involved the cabin vacation hijinx of a cohort of medical students in the frosty mountains of Norway. Little do they know that an evil brigade of nazis had abused and tortured the locals here during World War II for three years, until the villagers rose up and drove them off to die in said freezing mountains. And die they did, but they didn't stay dead, much to our delight. These nazi zombies stay hidden in the snow until a zombie fodder character happens by to stir them. Make no mistake though, this is a zombie gore comedy, with many scenes being played for laughs. There's so much to enjoy here, including a head ripped in half causing a brain to shoot out, an Army of Darkness tool shed arming montage, a Rambo homage, a character so bad ass that he applies duct tape around his neck to stop the bleeding from a chewed up artery and a Norwegian film nerd who does a really spot on Harrison Ford impression. The practical gore effects are artful to behold, truly, nearly everyone ends up with Dead Alive levels of caked on gore. The digital effects, including a man being torn into quarters looks pretty bad though and I really wish they would stick to practical gore effects for these films. So far, Dead Snow is the class of the modern Nazi Zombie film. You need to see this. You need to show this to your friends. This film could become the new Evil Dead Girlfriend Test.
The 4th Reich - in post production
As of this publication, The 4th Reich is slated to come out later this year. It's interesting in two ways. First, it's a period piece, actually set during WWII. It follows a group of G.I.'s during Operation Overlord. Secondly, its got a fairly decently sized budget. That could either be excellent, if the right creative juices are behind it or it could be terrible, as with the Star Wars prequels: where lack of financial constraint allowed George Lucas cartblanche, to disastrous effect. Speaking of dictators, Hitler has charged his scientists and doctors with creating a new race of soldiers who can't be stopped by the Allies and will usher in the titular successive Reich. It sounds like our G.I. chums will have to combat the undead, stop the project and save the world. Keep an eye out for this one later this year.
So there you have it, over fourty years of zombie films since Romero revolutionized them and only nine Nazi Zombie flicks (seven since then, two before). Somehow, I can't help feeling we've been loosing out. Hopefully, before this wave of zombie love tapers off, we'll get a little more love for these fascist brain munchers.
