Five things not to do while watching 'The Cheerleaders'

As I settled in to watch my new copy of 1973's 'The Cheerleaders', an excellent double disc release from Arrow, a few things became abundantly clear. Firstly, this silly teenage sex comedy toes the thin line between softcore and hardcore in it's depiction of how we all imagine real cheerleaders actually behave (still got my fingers crossed there) and secondly it's also from quite another place and time entirely. Likely made for the drive-in market ("daddy, what's a drive-in?"), this delightfully campy, low budget, raunchy comedy doesn't quite click like I can tell it should. Perhaps I shouldn't have watched it by myself; it does seem like the kind of flick which is best enjoyed with company. This, of course, led my brain to the following train of thought: What would someone walking in on me watching this by my lonesome think? 

 And there are plenty of activities which you could participate in that would amplify the potential embarrassment you may experience. I've cataloged a few for you; consider this both a warning as well as a dare. 

Five Things you shouldn't be caught doing while watching The Cheerleaders 

• Don't Eat Hot Dogs - This should be pretty obvious. Wrapping your sweaty, mustachioed maw around a cylindrical meat stick whist watching softcore 70's sex comedies just might garner you some funny looks. 
• Don't Fish Around in your Pocket for Loose Change - because that really isn't watch you're doing. Besides, what the hell are you carrying hard currency for? That's so the 00's. 
• Don't Polish your Glass Rod Collection - Look, I know that they've been gathering dust but resist all impulses to stroke your glass shafts with impunity, Gandalf Greyhame.
  
• Don't Pet your Pussy - As enjoyable and warming as it would be to have a puring pussy in your lap whist viewing The Cheerleaders, think about how startled that kitty will be when your littler horror fan is aroused by the on screen antics.
• Don't Rub One Out - My god! Are you even paying attention to the plot?