The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 17

Well, holy hell! I've got some delicious fare for you this week. There's something for everyone here, including sexy 70's babes, horrific gore, delightful drive-in fare and nostalgia aplenty. Enjoy!

 

Chuck Francisco is a columnist for Mania writing Saturday Shock-O-Rama, the weekly look into classic cult, horror and sci-fi. He is a horror co-host of two monthly film series at the world famous Colonial Theatre in Phoenixville, PA (home of 1958's 'The Blob'): First Friday Fright Nights and Colonial Cult Cinema.You can delve further into his love of all things weird and campy on his blog, The Midnight Cheese or hear him occasionally guesting on eminent podcast You've Got Geek.

 

Top 3 David Carradine Characters

A lot of ideas spooled up and whipped past the front and center of my mind this past week whilst I was penning my tribute to lost actor David Carradine for my column on Mania.com (handy link). Unfortunately, many of them didn't fit the context of that article and could not be included. Luckily I've got the Midnight Cheese to catch those left over vitals, which I've chosen to sautée and serve to you in list form. On the third anniversary of his early exit, stage right, here are my top three favorite characters played by David Carradine. If you've already read this week's Shock-O-Rama, none of this will come as any great surprise (though the ordering arrangement most).

Frankenstein (Deathrace 2000 - 1975)

While I consider Deathrace 2000 the most influential of Carradine's films on me personally, the character he plays here is not my absolute favorite. What isn't to love through about a man who's supposed to have been rebuilt more than Darth Vader when really he's just the newest in a line of trained and costumed imitators? He's sort of like Elvis, if an impersonator secretly took his place each time he died. I want you to seek this film out and so I won't spoil too much here. Let me just say that Frank has the oddest hand grenade ever captured on film thus far.

The Blind Man (Circle of Iron - 1978)

This is only one of four roles played by Carradine in this cinematic instruction manual on eastern philosophy. The Blind Man is most certainly a huge inspiration for the title character of Tarantino's Kill Bill films. He plays a large bamboo flute, which doubles as an effective weapon; he speaks in the seer sing song of riddles and unknowable truthes; and he is much deadlier that he ever comes off in both appearance and conversation. I gave Circle of Iron it's own write up here. Check it out and then see the film.

Bill (Kill Bill Vol. 2 - 2004)

Being the collected embodiment of all of his cult characters who'd come before, there's no way it could be anyone else but Bill. Every monologue delivered is classic Carradine, here movement measured and ever frame showcases another of the hundred ways which he's just so fucking cool. The scene where he plays the flute while telling the bride a tale is one of my favorite committed to film.

So celebrate the legacy, watch an awesome flick and tell you friends about just how bitchin' rad David Caaradine was.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 16

Greetings and salutations my macabre minions! I bring you tidings of goodness and joy (if you derive goodness from bad ass black bikers and joy from zombie flesh eaters). I've been scouring Archive.org for all things drive-in nostalgia flavored, tossed it into a mixing bowl with some wacked out trailers and set the machine to frappe. I hope you enjoy the gore soaked hell out of it; please hit me with some feed back so I can better enhance your viewing pleasure.

 

There are a few quick notices I wanted to bring you up speed on. I'm going to be scaling back to two weekly 'Cheese updates. The reason for that is because I've been so involved in other projects that you wouldn't be getting the best from me and I love ya too much to give you the scraps, dear readers. The good news is that you can catch both writings and rumblings from me in these other projects as well as here at The Midnight Cheese.

My weekly column on Mania.com, Saturday Shock-O-Rama, should tickle your midnight fancy and is updated every Saturday morning. This past week's piece is on the gory Kung-fu slapstick flick, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.

Cinedelphia.com features new movie reviews from me. Here's my piece on The Woman in Black. My musings on Men in Black 3 should be up on Friday.

I'm also a sometimes personality on the excellent podcast, You've Got Geek, which is released weekly and has all your nerd needs covered.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 15

Greetings and salutations dear readers. Like Iron Man's armor, the Trailer Dump has leveled up and taken a massive leap forward. It's now a self contained entity, encapsulating all the good that you've come to expect, including cheesy trailers, intermission bumpers and solicitations to visit the, sometimes frightening, concessions stand. I've assembled all this on one platform: my iPhone (damn I love technology). Still a work in progress, I'd appreciate feedback.

 

I'm also writing a new weekly series for Mania entitled Saturday Shock-O-Rama. You can find my first go around right here: Count Yorga, Vampire

See you on the flip side.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 14

I love when witty subtitles are playfully and abusively applied to the main event's moniker. Serving as a supplemental dipping sauce, they're poised to enhance your full feature flavor. And so today's unfolding is entitled: The Trailer Dump XIV: 'Sploitating the Shit Outta You Sucka! There, that's more comfortable. Let's get this show on the road jive turkeys.

 

Hell Up in Harlem - (1973)

 

 

Sugar Hill - (1974)

 

 

Black Mama White Mama - (1973)

 

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter

When mapping out my treasure hunt into Hammer's chest of riches (see part 1 and part 2 of this series), nothing could have prepared me for the sheer blinding awesome that is 1974's Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter. A quick and dirty glance over appropriate IMDB'age reveals that this is apparently the film that was Hammer Horror's iceberg; it's failure to resonate with audiences began the slow death of this storied production company. Having digested all Kronos has to offer, I can't even contemplate how this is possible.

Captain Kronos the man is a hardcore former soldier who's devoted his life to discovering vampire scourges and combating them at every turn. A master swordsman, he's a fantastic physical specimen; honed to both physical and mental edged perfection. He's a face melting metal bad ass traveling about the 1700's European country side, routing riotous villagers and bedding beautiful buxom Caroline Monroe.

He's accompanied by a faithful hunchbacked companion, who refuses to conform to normal cinematic stereotypes. Professor Hieronymus Grost is an arcane lore master of all things vampiric, musing at one point that "there are as many species of vampire as there are beasts of prey". He's a charming and charismatic personality, a master blacksmith, a stalwart companion and a great character. I absolutely loved every scene he's in, most especially the "chess scene" between him and Dr. Marcus.

It's evident from the outset that Hammer was attempting a reinvention of both vampire folklore and also themselves. Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter was designed to be a the first of a long running series staring rugged pre-Viggo Mortenson Horst Janson. He's contacted by an old war buddy, Dr.Marcus, to investigate the strange cases of young girls who are being found rapidly progressed to chronologically challenged hag status. Along the way Kronos frees a young, buxom Caroline Monroe from roadside stocks and invites her along to sexy ends. There's such a marvelous mystery presented within, that I've already said enough and will leave the baton at your feet to run with.

Sadly the film did very poorly at theaters (perhaps American audiences were worn out on Hammer by this point?) and so nothing ever came beyond this one film. Thinking back on it now in the rear view, Captain Kronos -Vampire Hunter was a decades forward thinking flick. The scientific method meets folk legend approach to reasoning out vampiric haunts and weaknesses heavily feels like best parts Hellboy and the logical explanation and methodical implementation of weapons and gadgets (all period appropriate) shows shades of these same aspects as presented in Batman Begins.

Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter is a swashbuckling, euro-gothic, manly-fisticuffs good time. It was sadly passed over and almost forgotten but now you can check it out on Netflix streaming. Try on something new, something sheer, something that might not be your size but might feel so nice next to your skin.

 

 

eX-Fest II: The Revenge in Retrospect

I'm awake.
I'm have a knock knock Neo, down the rabbit hole kind of morning, where coffee offers little solace and small gains toward awakening. I've survived eX-Fest II but not without first having my brain scooped out to marinate in a jar of the tastiest cast off juices that 70's revenge celluloid has to offer. Being the flavor of the day, vengeance belonged to whomever had the biggest balls and baddest ass, regardless of gender. Let's talk a walk , you and I, down my sequence of yesterday's events while I regale you with what whimsies struck me and wreak vengance upon the lesser members of the accompanying audience.

The No Mercy Man

• 1973. AKA: Fire in the Wind, Trained to Kill, Vietnam Soldier.
• Genre fave Sig Haig looks really good and is absolute slimy bad ass here as Pill Box, the leader of a biker gang.
• Society's condemnation of interracial relationships among carney folk leads to breaking and enter, theft, murder and a bad ass biker on soldier gun battle sequence.
• Hardened Vietnam veterans of the highest training often high five in 80's action broseph style after RPG'ing a truck rather than taking cover to avoid submachinegun ventilation.
• If your son comes back as a highly decorated veteran with PDST, the best way to help him is smug disregard, urging him to fist fight you and making him live in the shed. No harm can come of this.
• All it takes to snap a commando out of PDST is the brutal beating into unconsciousness of his father. And the near crucifixion of his mother. And the rape of his sister. Oh, and the rape of his other sister. Make it that far and it's game on for the no mercy man.

Fear is the Key

• 1973.
• Barry Newman, John Vernon and Ben Kingsley - Oh my!
• This film is absolutely boss bad ass for the first thirty minutes while Barry Newman is beating up cops, escaping from court, enjoying hard liquor on Sundays and leading Lousiana state police on a really fucking sweet 20 minute car chase.
• After that half an hour, it takes a shovel to the noggin and begins to believe that it's a second rate James Bond flick.
• I never wanted a 1972 Ford Gran Torino before the first third of this film. If I'm not mistaken, Lousiana state police have an excellent car budget; affording a good number of Pontiac GTO's to wreck at will.

The Man From Hong Kong

• 1975. AKA- The Dragon Flies (get it? With the hang gliding and- nevermind)
• An honest to goodness Ozsploitation Kung-Fu film. Kick arse!
• Relations between Austria and China were not comfortable in 1975. Inspector Fang Sing Leng looks to change all that. With his dick. One Aussie babe at a time. He's a dick-lomat.
• George Lazenby should have played Ron Burgondy by way of Tom Selleck's mustache.
• Hugh Keays-Byrne plays the aptly named police detective Grosse. You might remember him as Toe Cutter, the main antagonist from the first Mad Max film. Lucky for him his role as a police detective didn't require a more conservative haircut, just a slightly smaller dangly earring.
• Watching fat guys in spandex shirts run up Australlian mountain sides should be a god damned Olympic sport.
• I never want to watch hang gliding again. Ever.

Death Weekend

• 1976. AKA- The House by the Lake
• Under the oily thin vaneer of a rape and revenge romp lies the true heart of this film: it's really Yuppiesploitation. I hated Doctor Black the perverted peeping tom womanizer; the elitist consumerist; the purchasing power braggot; on the same level that I hated the gang of alcoholic murderous thugs (bravo film makers!)
• If wanting to add brevity to any diabolical life or death situation, just show quick cuts of the hated dead yuppie's shutgunned face as it ackwardly gets in the way whilst our heroine attempts her mad dash escape.
• Helplessly alcoholic gas station attendants are hysterical. This is especially true when their crippling addiction prevents them from coming to the rescue even when they realize something is amiss through their inebriated haze.
• There was audience appluse during the revenge killings of three of the four gang members. Incredibly strangly the most elaborate comeuppance, involving a boat house, gasoline, a flare and a well hidden valkyrie of vengance, received little fan fare.

Wipeout!

• 1973. AKA- The Boss
• I fucking love Henry Silva! He only has one facial expression, but it's a classic: Wax museum Chevy Chase. He pimps the hell out of that look, no matter the circumstance. Killing dudes with a grenade launcher? Wax Chevy Chase. Banging a girl he loathes? Wax Chevy Chase. Taking a phone call? Wax Chevy Chase but with raised eyebrows! Genius.
• The theme in this film is a hard rockin' bit of guitar and vinegar piss. I felt 13% more awesome everytime it kicked in. (if you know where I can acquire a copy of it, please contact me)
• Nick Lanzetta hates skin flicks.
• Main heavy and over all dick Cocchi heavily resembles Bruce Campbell during the second half of The Man With the Screaming Brain (which was also screened by Exhumed Films).

Vice Squad

• 1982.
• A more fitting title would have been "Inept Police Squad". Seriously: a pimp named Ramrod in a bright blue satin cowboy shirt and on the run from the law manages to be a more effective dectective then all the members of Vice Squad combined.
• I might have mistook this for the early 90's. The only excuses I can bring to bear are exhustion and failing memory.
• The Johns manage to be a slimy collection of harsh truth ground into the patina of the Hollywood prostitute lifestyle (glamorous as it must certainly be).
• If a chauffer hires you on behalf of his master and goes to elaborate pains for the fantasy's illusion, bitch don't you that ruin shit by talking when you see the old man in the pine box waiting to bang you. You're a Hollywood hoe, how much stranger can this possibly be over your normal day to day?
• I really wanted the main cop as protrayed by Emilio Estavez, especially after his star rose at the last Exhumed Films marathon event: the annual 24 hour Horrorthon.

Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS

• 1975.
• While seriously jazzed as the preemptive red backed warning made it's how-do-you-do on screen, as the film proceeded my jubilation escaped me. The situation is simply to close to reality to be entertaining overall. The sequels are much more campy and fun. I'm missing the point though, as exploitation is not always supposed to be fun, infact it rarely can be considered as such.
• This is a nessisary experience on the exploitation spectrum (which is like a much slezier autism spectrum) and anyone who left early is now substantively less whole then they otherwise could have been.

And so the second eX-Fest drew to a close. Overall I would have to say that I had more fun with last year's selections. This is not to say that I didn't enjoy what I witnessed yesterday as it was much more in line with what I'd expect from an exploitation festival. It was sleazier and the price of admission included a small part of what remains of your soul. I'd prefer a healthy mix of the exaggerated sleaze and the over the top fun, but I would by no means complain about the film selections. They were all excellent and they all fit into a day of vengenace laden fun. Yet another bill of entertainment from the fine fellows over at Exhumed Films.

Before I close the book on twelve plus hours of my life, I would be remiss in avoiding some ugly truths.

To the rectal pieces of human refuse who decided that your need to know the time, the hockey score, what your friends were up to or that anything else on your cell phone out weighed everyone else's right to not be sucked out of their movie going experience need to step into traffic. You're incosiderate to the extreme, likely irredeemably so and I respectfully request that you spend your time doing something other than burdoning the planet's population with your continued existance.

To those sitting in the middle section, most notably near the top, it is your responsibility when moving to and fro not to obstruct the projector's radiant beams. If that means you have to bend further forward while moving, by all means do so. I understand that as a sweaty neckbeard film nerd, this might classify as exertion beyond your normal means but by all means attempt to exert anyway. I can literally see you getting fatter as you obstruct the reason why everyone is tolerating being in your presence in the first place.

To the back row, center section folks (most of whom are guilty of the previous two cinematic war crimes) your taste in alcoholic beverages is fucking abismal. Everyone gets one go on this rotating rock around the sun and you're wasting yours drinking fucking Four Loko? I know that you don't know how to properly select what to pour into your mouth hole because despite numerous requests that you not do so from the fine folks of Exhumed Films, you entitled pricks left a bevy of garbage in your wake.

Which brings me to my last point: Hey you entitled nerdbodies who left your trash behind, go fuck yourselves. These guys put on a great show of rare goods to entertain you yet despite that you can't pick up your soda bottle as you exit? Your massive corinary can't arrive soon enough to remove you from our presences.

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.13

Here we find ourselves once again: me with the trailers, you with the wanting of the trailers. Have them, indulging in all their fresh squeezed delights.

Black Sunday (1960)

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

 

Interlude

 

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

 

 

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Part II

We've all got one: a segment of our nerdly obsessions which isn't quite as thoroughly clued in as might be expected. As I discussed in part one of this series (which I suggest reading before continuing) the truth of this disability is willfully and purposefully hidden from our contemporaries. I will not lower my head in that similar shame. My area of genre emptiness is Hammer Horror and I've set about filling in my knowledge like a veracious hair club for men candidate. Though I am admittedly on a much slower path to recovery, it can't be said that I'm motionless. So I tucked up to the table, draped the cloth to my neckline, and dove in mouth first.

Today's menu begins, centers and ends on 1970's Peter Cushing-less Horrors of Frankenstein. Instead Ralph Bates steps into the familiar digs of Victor Frankenstein. Bates was also in Taste the Blood of Dracula , another Hammer Horror film released that same month staring Christopher Lee, but might be best remembered as Dr.Jekyll in Dr.Jekyll & Sister Hyde (which I'm working on tracking down a copy of). What's fascinating about this specific retelling of the Mary Shelley story is what Bates brings to the table. In one instance he's friendly, amiable and charming. Split seconds tick off the clock and in that small sequence of time, he's now conniving, cold blooded and ruthless. Absent from the proceedings is the misunderstood, driven genius that we're so commonly presented with in the innumerable spinnings of the Frankenstein yarn.

The rest of the films' trappings can be found among those commonly attributed to period Hammer: lavish recycled gothic sets, lovely busted beauties bearing some flesh (though not as much as is customary) and a fantastically epic-esk score. Topping off the tank are a lovely scheming house keeper, a charming best friend to Victor, a fun grave robbing husband-wife pair and David "Darth Vader" Prowse- the latter looking burly and scarred as "The Monster".

Prepare for a bold proclamation. Horrors of Frankenstein has become my favorite film version of the classic Mary Shelley legend. There is just so much going on behind the calculating eyes of a young Victor Frankenstein, who will not be stopped in his goal of bringing about new life. The lies he connives are brilliant, the line between his ruthlessness and his charm so razor thin and his manipulation is so very subtle. The bottom line here is that you need to see this underrated monster movie. This might not be an easy task as it seems to only be available as an out of print DVD released in 2001 but if you've got a region free player, the Hammer collection is always available to you.

Next on my Blindspot list is Vampire Circus, which (as luck and fate have procreated in my favor), is playing in 35mm as part of the Colonial Theatre's First Friday Fright Night series on May 4th. See you at the midnight movies.

 

 

...With a Vengance

We're back!

Please accept my heartfelt apologies over the lack of updates this past month. Life seems to conspire with other factors to prevent me from entertaining you or from even allowing me the simple extra time to watch many movies at all. I'll be returning to updating two to three times a week so stay tuned faithful readers.

To celebrate coming back with a vengeance, here are three fun "Revenge of the..." flicks:

The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1987)
Of course we're starting with a zombie film! I'm nucking futts about the genre of the living dead. What does this French dead girl production from the 80's offer you to pry your weary eyes from more modern fare? Honestly the setup is not what you're here for: tainted chemical gets into milk, girls drink milk and die, more of the chemical spills onto their graves causing them to rise...yadda yadda yadda. If that was all there was to feast on here, you'd be better off skipping this bottom dollar B-movie. Here's the kicker: The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls includes an undead lesbian love fest. If that isn't enough encouragement for this to end up in your netflix queue, it also includes dick decapitation!

These girls know to wait 20 minutes after eating before going in the pool.

Revenge of the Creature (1955)
This sequel to The Creature from the Black Lagoon sees the Gillman captured and taken for study at a local aquarium. There our titular creature has eyes only for a buxom betty oceanography student. If you've any of the gift of foresight at all then you can probably guess where the story goes from there. Originally shot and released in 3-D, this monster movie is also notable for being the first acting gig of Clint Eastwood (uncredited) as lab technician Jennings.

"You see, my mouse don't like people laughing."

Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)
You might remember our intellectual symposium Five Things Not to do While Watching The Cheerleaders from November. Revenge of the Cheerleaders is the sequel to that delightful 70's teen sex comedy. In many ways, it isn't as good as it's progenitor but does contain all the things that makes this long gone subgenre great: nudity, wacky hijinks, teenage shenanigans, softcore loving, um nudity. What else does it have? Oh, just a little David Hasselhoff in the role of "Boner", a gentleman esquire.

A great classic poster!

Stay tuned for a deeper look at Revenge of the Cheerleaders in the next week or so here at The 'Cheese.

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.12

I've got a few ideas tumbling around in my think-matter and these trailers were conspirators to steal my concentration (such as it is). I'm starting you off today with a taste of that which is lost and missed very dearly- late night horror hosts. So enjoy the opening to The Vampira Show followed by a smattering of trailers as variable as my tastes seem to be.

Dig in kiddies.

Pumpkinhead


Deep Red


Journey to the Seventh Planet

The Trailer Dump, Issue No.11

Today's taste of trailer torture comes courtesy of Hammer Films. As you might recalled, I'm exploring my Hammer Horror Blind Spot.  As with ,any contemporary trailers, the voice over work is powerful and inspires dread, even if the outlandish claims may not hold true for audiences of today.

Enjoy my friendly fiends.

The Horror of Frankenstein

The Scars of Dracula

The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Women

Five things not to do while watching 'The Cheerleaders'

As I settled in to watch my new copy of 1973's 'The Cheerleaders', an excellent double disc release from Arrow, a few things became abundantly clear. Firstly, this silly teenage sex comedy toes the thin line between softcore and hardcore in it's depiction of how we all imagine real cheerleaders actually behave (still got my fingers crossed there) and secondly it's also from quite another place and time entirely. Likely made for the drive-in market ("daddy, what's a drive-in?"), this delightfully campy, low budget, raunchy comedy doesn't quite click like I can tell it should. Perhaps I shouldn't have watched it by myself; it does seem like the kind of flick which is best enjoyed with company. This, of course, led my brain to the following train of thought: What would someone walking in on me watching this by my lonesome think? 

 And there are plenty of activities which you could participate in that would amplify the potential embarrassment you may experience. I've cataloged a few for you; consider this both a warning as well as a dare. 

Five Things you shouldn't be caught doing while watching The Cheerleaders 

• Don't Eat Hot Dogs - This should be pretty obvious. Wrapping your sweaty, mustachioed maw around a cylindrical meat stick whist watching softcore 70's sex comedies just might garner you some funny looks. 
• Don't Fish Around in your Pocket for Loose Change - because that really isn't watch you're doing. Besides, what the hell are you carrying hard currency for? That's so the 00's. 
• Don't Polish your Glass Rod Collection - Look, I know that they've been gathering dust but resist all impulses to stroke your glass shafts with impunity, Gandalf Greyhame.
  
• Don't Pet your Pussy - As enjoyable and warming as it would be to have a puring pussy in your lap whist viewing The Cheerleaders, think about how startled that kitty will be when your littler horror fan is aroused by the on screen antics.
• Don't Rub One Out - My god! Are you even paying attention to the plot? 

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot

Do you have a horror blind spot? Is there a specific subgenre from which you remain blissfully ignorant? Perhaps there’s an auteur director who’s first film you hated and you’ve subsequently steered clear of her works. Maybe you’re among the younger set, an ever changing demographic, and have never had the chance to experience something special. I think it’s not unreasonable to postulate that most horror nerds have a blind spot of one sort or another (except for Nick Lombardo, perhaps), though most of them are ashamed to admit it.

Should there be shame attached to this omission in horror film experience though? I say no, so long as once a deficiency is recognized, the nerd in question makes efforts to illuminate themselves of this darkest cinema genre. Take this as a blessing in disguise, not a scarlet letter. Who among us wouldn’t give their collection of severed heads to experience a genre classic newly, for the first time? You can’t go home again, but in this case you can visit a place you’ve never even vacationed (or possibly seen postcards of) before.

I have a horror genre blind spot. It isn’t a minor blemish such has having never seen Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead (I have). No, this spot is glaring, obvious and marginally painful to think about. I’m going to pen a series of articles regaling you with my adventures in casting light into this hole. What is my horror blind spot? (Don’t cringe) It’s the Hammer Horror Films catalogue.

I know. I KNOW. It isn’t as though I’ve never seen any Hammer Horror films. I certainly have. However it’s been years, so many that I’ve got a foggy cloud in my head where those recollections should be. I know that I’m missing out. It’s with that in mind that I’ve borrowed a smattering of Hammer titles from Joel of the eminent podcast - You’ve Got Geek. From his guiding hand, I’ll be experiencing the joys of these gothic marvels for the first time.



Last evening, I began my journey with the 1970 favorite Scars of Dracula. Marking the fourth time that YEAR which Christopher Lee would portray the prince of darkness, Scars of Dracula features enormous atmosphere and styling, as it seems all Hammer period films seem to overflow with. Our tale it's fairly straightforward: Angry villagers, having grown weary of their pretty virginal girls being sucked dry by the Count, attack his castle with pitchforks and torches. They burn the inner workings of castle Dracula through and through, though this means nothing as in a brilliant stroke of forethought the Count's chamber is stone on all sides, built into a cliff face and only accessible via a window above a titanic drop to rocks and sea below.

So, aside from blowing their torch and gunpowder load, the villagers accomplish nothing aside from sparking the anger of one very powerful prince of darkness. Lee exacts his furious vengeance on the womenfolk of sleepy village, driving the men to drink (more than normal) and causing them to be completely standoffish to all travelers. Of course we're then introduced to a young womanizing playboy, who pisses off the daughter of the local town judge and is falsely accused of rape. On the run from the law, our fun loving pal is kicked out of the village inn and having no recourse, he spends the night at Castle Dracula. It's all excellently creepy and done in elaborate style.



Lee is wonderful in the role which he had already become famous for and over which he had already grown quite weary. The gore was ratcheted up above what were normal Hammer standards, in order to compete with American films that brought more bloody messes to the table in the wake of Romero's Night of the Living Dead. The vivid colors pay off and contribute to a sort of faux gore style that's simultaneous gruesome and fancifully stylish. The lovely ladies showcased in the buff are delightful to look upon and contribute, in their own special way, to enlarging the plot's thickness. (*drumroll*).

The Scars of Dracula is a fantastic take on the Dracula mythos, a marvelous period piece and very well made. The Pal region DVD I watched looked great (for DVD with upscaling) though I would very much love to see a high fidelity Blu-Ray version, since the colors would render even more vividly. This was a great first choice to slip into something more comfortable of yesterday. Stay tuned as I continue to illuminate my own personal horror blind spot. Use the comments to tell me what your particular short coming might be.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 30

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

Halloween

Maybe you thought this would be the film I spotlit for post 31, but while this isn't the best film about the holiday, it is one of most influential horror films of all time. This modestly budgeted film is the father of the modern slasher film and, in a rush to capitalize on a burgeoning craze, ushered in a brand new shift in the horror genre. This is thanks largely to an excellent and tight script, great camera work, a career defining performance from the well established Donald Pleasence and a fortune telling explosion by scream queen to be by Jamie Lee Curtis.

This top grossing independent film of all time is accompanied by director John Carpenter's hypnotic keyboard-synth soundtrack (which just kicked in as I'm writing this) and is the best use of a William Shatner mask ever. You guys know all this, I'm not telling you anything new here.

Halloween has become sacred yearly viewing during the season by horror nerds and has come to be a staple of AMC's Fear Fest. In fact, why are you still reading this? AMC is showing films from the series, starting with the first, all day beginning with the first at 9:30 am.

Start a new tradition or celebrate it again for the 30th time.

The First 92

What scares you more than your own mind?  Nothing.  Fear itself is a product of your thoughts, and your reactions have the power to control subsequent thoughts.  Full circle?  Not without detours.  Instinct, experience, knowledge, ignorance - what's scarier?  Bliss is found in the most obscure corners, for some.  Perhaps escape is the only real way to regain your courage.  The way out can be the gold at the end of the most morbidly figured and uncomfortably colored rainbow.  To throw some more fear into the pot, there are times we don't want to find a safe haven.

"Suspiria".  It's regarded in film circles as one of the best of horror classics.  A gorefest shaped by blood, screams, and unsteady pacing.  Dario Argento's master work.  It's creepy and crawly.  It confines, irritates, shocks, and seeps into conscious with similar images from stories that are not typically associated with terror.  Snow White is not following previous conventions.  Wonderland remains colorful, yes, but with more sinister hues, and less friendly animals.  With a haunting, disturbing score by Goblin, "Suspiria" creates a supersensory tale of unfamiliarity, helplessness, and discomfort.

Fear transcends borders, irrationalizes the rational, perverts the simple.  It weakens, empowers, and burns.  School is scary.  As is the dark, unfamiliar territory, enclosure, and rejection.  Perhaps the greatest fear of all, however, is that of having to face it alone.

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 8

During the Rainpocalypse of Hurricane Irene, I over indulged in the deliciously over the top trailers of yesteryear. Here are a few choice cuts for your consumption and, of course, a bit sized vintage drive-in intermission bumper. Enjoy.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - 1973

Schizoid -1980

Beyond the Door - 1974

Intermission!

The (Vincent) Price of Admission

Vincent Price spent many decades in the business of terrifying audiences in low budget horror on the silver screen. With his unmistakable one of a kind voice and that devilishly wicked smirk, which could mean you were seconds from death or just that he found something gruesomely funny, he was a staple of my childhood horror diet.

My top three Vincent Price horror flicks in order? Easy

-The House on Haunted Hill

-The Last Man on Earth

-The Tingler

Oh sure, one of the Dr.Phibes films would be a more popular choice. And there’s room for Phibes love in my heart still, along with all the roles that Price has played. He was a rare actor who could captivate the audience and win them to his side despite the foul deeds he may committing frame by frame in the dark of the matinee.

Have grown up in the 80’s, I’ve seen a good number of Vincent Price schlock films. They were the purview of my Saturday afternoons and my USA Up All Nights. However, I won’t sit here and tell you I’ve seen even half of his films, there’s just so many. This is an excellent gift though as a fantastic number of them are available to stream from Netflix (I call out anyone who says there is nothing good to watch on Netflix instant streaming, you’re either a liar or a fool and Vincent Price does not suffer fools!).

It was thus that I stumbled upon a new Price gem to check out last night: Theater of Blood. From the description, I was expecting a little bit of Dr.Phibes meets equal parts Frederick Loren from House on Haunted Hill with a dash of Professor Jarrod from House of Wax. Oh man was I wrong and it couldn’t have been better.

Theater of Blood focuses on Edward Lionheart (Price), a renowned London Shakespearean actor, who has been unceremonious snubbed for an award by a circle of critics. A year after he supposedly takes his life, members of the critics’ circle begin to die gruesomely and in line with famous deaths from within Shakespeare’s works, spectacularly staged. If this sounds like a lot of Price’s other work, it should come as no surprise. He crafted a career in the Macabre. This is not at all what you would expect though.

There is a sense of black humor infused in Theater of Blood. Many of the murders are played for laughs and Price really gets a chance to stretch his acting chops and get outside of his normal tropes as he moves seamlessly from world renowned Shakespearean actor to sleazy masseuse, shock television show host and even an effeminate hair dresser equipped with an enormous red perm. His character does this all in the name of enacting very elaborate plans for vengeance but even so it’s too much for one man to hope to do alone.

Enter Lionheart’s loyal band of drunk homeless misfits (Every believed dead, vengeance seeking, wounded pride, Shakespearean actor needs one). In what has to be one of the oddest quirks in an already quirky story, there is a group of a dozen or so drunks who follow Lionheart’s orders and don costumes to assist in murdering these critics. They even participate in some of them. He does keep them heavily supplied with booze but it’s still quite strange that they would be complicit in these killings.

If you’re looking for more Phibes or some of Price’s earlier gothic experiences, Theater of Blood will confuse you. But look, if you can relax a bit, withstand the onslaught of outrageous puns, enjoy watching snooty critics get their comeuppance or just really like combat scenes which include fencing whist on trampolines, then you will really enjoy the madcap and irreverent Theater of Blood.

How I Spent My Sunday Going Ape

Can you guess the two best things about living in and around Philadelphia (aside from Cheesesteaks, Rocky, Water Ice, M.Night Shyamalan, a Rich Baseball tradition, Ben Franklin and a little thing like founding our country) ?

Firstly, Philadelphia and it's surrounding areas are a modern day cradle of craft beer, with artisan brewers such as Victory, Sly Fox, Yards, Nodding Head, Triumph, Dogfish Head and more within striking distance and all available in most local watering holes worth dropping your dime in.

The second gets to the heart of my Sunday. Philadelphia has it going on if your goings on happen to include horror and cult film screenings. Exhumed Films has been putting on awesome horror screenings at local theaters for the past fourteen years. Their shows have run the gamut from cannibals, to zombies, to slashers and ghouls. They've shown over 250 different films to date. Additionally, the Colonial Theatre, a 100+ year old gem famous for it's role in the 1958 Steve McQueen monster flick The Blob, has a monthly late night horror series dubbed First Friday Fright Night and has recent begun an additional series dedicated to cult, sci-fi and kung-Fu called Colonial Cult Cinema. As you can see, horror nerds are really never wanting for screenings to attend in and around the town.

It was a special program from the dudes at Exhumed Films that brought me to the International House on UPenn's campus this last day of July, to see all five original Planet of the Apes films in one go. Exhumed Films wanted us to Go Ape! Now, I remember being a kid and catching these five films on television all the time in the 80's, but I was too young to have attended any of the Fox Go Ape! shows in a theater. This was clearly a very personal show for Dan Fraga of Exhumed, who spoke very passionately about his Ape experiences as a child, so it was cool to see that he brought his young son, to pass on the Ape Law.

The films themselves I hadn't seen in quite a long time, with the exception of the first, Planet of the Apes, since the Colonial Theatre also ran a showing this month for First Friday Fright Night. Why all the showings? Well, a Fox imposed moratorium goes into effect today and lasts well into the foreseeable future with the impending theatrical (and then home video) release of Rise of the Planet of the Apes. So let's discuss the films themselves.

Planet of the Apes was a seminal film on release and became the beginning of an enormous marketing behemoth. It has been selected for preservation by the library of congress as historically or culturally significant. more than that, it's an excellent film, bringing to life a topsy-turvy world where ape is the dominant species and man is a dumb animal who can't talk. Charlton Heston stars as astronaut commander Taylor. He leads a crew of four on a long range deep space mission, which is accidentally thrown two thousand years into the future and crash lands on an alien planet, all while the crew is in cryogenic slumber. After the rest of the crew perishes in the ensuing adventures, Taylor is captured and brought to the ape city. It isn't long before it's discovered he can speak and a ideological struggle emerges between the intelligent chimpanzees who want to expand knowledge and the stubborn leader orangoutangs who won't allow any discovery which disagrees with the teachings passed down by the law giver, centuries before. The iconic ending, impactful, even forty years later, still gives me goosebumps and segues directly into the next film.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes begins right where it's predecessor leaves off, where Nova loses Taylor in an illusionary wall and we are introduced to a new astronaut, Brent, who is the last of a crashed rescue party sent to find the first crew but sadly caught in the same time distortion. Interestingly, the reason for adding a new lead character is because Heston did not was to do another Apes film but the studio wouldn't green light another without him. So he agreed to a small part at the beginning and end of the film only. Beneath deals with a war between the aggressive gorilla faction of the Ape society and the hidden remnant of intelligent humans who have taken refuge among the underground ruins of New York City. Ah but these humans are hideous mutants who possess mind control powers and worship a prewar doomsday bomb. As the film ends, Taylor detonates it, destroying the whole Earth. Brent's death seemed like a side note, which didn't seem fair since we spend the majority of the film with him, only to have him brushed aside and unceremoniously killed to make way for more Heston.

Escape from the Planet of the Apes takes up the story from there. But how can that be? I said the Earth was destroyed. Ah, it was, in the year 3955. Doctors Zira and Cornelius recovered Taylor's spaceship along with the help of another scientist ape and where able to escape just as Earth's life was ended. They were thrown backward through the same time vortex that brought the humans forward in time and arrive in our 1971. For most of this film, it's very much the Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home of the series, with very light hearted humor abound as the apes become the popular talk of the world. Well enough just can't be left alone(and this IS an Apes film) however, and a scummy government agent does everything he can to have the friendly chimpanzees and Zira's pregnancy eliminated. Some friendly help from circus owner Ricardo Montelban Armando allows their baby to secret survive the dreadfully out of place tragedy ending, thus setting up our next flick.

Ah Conquest of the Planet of the Apes! Where humans really show just how despicable we are as a species. It's now the distant utopian future of far off 1991, twenty years after the death of his parents, young Caesar, played by Roddy MacDowell who played his father Cornelius in all the other films save Beneath, is still being sheltered by Armando while all other apes have been made into abused slaves by human kind. After Armando sacrifices himself to cover up a public outburst by Caesar, the only ape who can speak sets about organizing his fellows toward bloody revolt. This climactic struggle continues in our last legitimate apes outing. It is interesting to see the roots of humans and apes coexisting with the relationship between Caesar and MacDonald, which continues in the next film.

Finally we finish this tale with Battle for the Planet of the Apes. Taking place decades after the revolt of the last film, the world has ended in a nuclear apocalypse. Caesar is still the leader of the apes, in their own city, but the leader of the war mongering gorillas is planning a coup. Meanwhile, irradiated humans find out about the ape city and launch an attack. There is quite a bit of post-apocalyptic killing, but in the end, Caesar uses his knowledge of the future not to make apes dominant, but to allow man and ape to coexist. We're left with a scene 600 years in the future, where they still do so.

I can't forget that in-between Escape and Conquest, we got a chance to watch two episodes of the Hannah-Barbara produced cash-in cartoon. To say it was hilariously bad is to not do justice to other legitimately laugh out loud bad toons from the 70's. It was absurd, badly animated and made no sense...which is why I'll be seeking it out on DVD this week.

In addition to the films, a noted Apes memorabilia collector put on an impressive, and I'd have to speculate expensive, display of Apes mania, props and costumes. If that was not enough, one of the door prizes was one of the highly coveted Mondo Planet of the Apes posters from the Alamo Draft House. This was a long, primate filled day, but I really do have to reiterate that all of these films still hold up and indeed each one of them was still really fun to watch, albeit each for different reasons. And so, I can say with complete certainty, that I have "Gone Ape!"

Special thanks to Midnight Cheese contributor Nick Lombardo for sharing these the photos for today's article. Nick's photographed the title screen for nearly every single Exhumed Films show since 1998.