Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Bento Box of Schlock, order no. 1

"Welcome to the Midnight Cheese cafe` madam, what will you be having this evening? Ah the bento box, a wise decision. There's a little bit of VHS cover nostalgia for the 80's child in you, some instant gratification to get you going, a nosh-able delight to consume while getting your gratification on and a bit of knowledge dropped on you. Would you prefer that with a look back at your past horror indiscretions or the past indiscretions of others? Both? Excellent, I'll have the chef whip up your very own BENTO BOX OF SCHLOCK!"

Ah dear readers, I realize that sometimes you are in a hurry and just don't have time to read through our finely crafted ministrations. Submitted your your approval, I offer you the Midnight Cheese's newest dish: The Bento Box of Schlock. A little bit of a lot of things, which you can comsume quickly. Let me get out of your way. Tuck in and enjoy.

"Here he comes: Machine Gun Joe! Loved by thousands, hated by millions! " -Junior, Deathrace 2000

Nighttime Nachos
-Plate full of tortilla chips, spread out evenly
-Top with sliced jalapenos, kalamada olives, chili powder and splashed of tobassco sauce
-Cover all of that with shredded chedder and mozzerella cheese and nuke it until the cheese it melted
-Chow down while watching a cheesy movie
-Don't bother weighing yourself in the morning

Instant Gratification
Oh, you needed a flick to watch while enjoying those Nighttime Nachos? Well how about this then, Circle of Iron staring David Carradine?

It's the kick ass kung fu story of Cord the Seeker, who's set off on a quest to recover the book of all knowledge from the Wizard Zetan (most people call it stealing, but he's our hero, so what can you do?). Did I mention it stars david Carradine as "The Blind Man". And as "Monkeyman". Oh he's also "Death". And "Changsha" too. There's these other two guys in the film too, but you've probably never heard of them: Roddy McDowell and Christopher Lee. I know, not worth mentioning.

Circle of Iron available until the end of this week on netflix's instant streaming.

VHS Nostalgia
Check out this cover:

Did you know that this is the front cover box art for a film called The Final Sacrifice which features a husky, mulleted Canadian and a wimpy, rail thin Canadian who own no firearms? It's true. The box art was used to entice folks to pick up what they thought was a rollicking actioner. What they got instead was MST3K fodder (episode 910).

Cinema Obscuro~!
Speaking of The Final Sacrifice, we've got Christian Malcolm, who played pipsqueak Troy in said film (although his credit was incorrectly switched with the other lead, Bruce Mitchell, who played Zap Rowsdower, and there wasn't enough money in the budget to fix it). So what did Mr. Malcolm get up to after shooting this cinematic masterstroke? It seems he spent 6 months in 1999 as part of National British Tour of "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)". He had roles in Intimacy, Band of Brothers and Night Flight in the early part of the century and really hit his stride recently in the award winning short film Sex with the Finklesteins and a the role of "The Head of Ops" in the film Hanna. Not too shabby, Troy, not too shabby at all.

Cheese o'the Day
On this day in the year of our lord (Roger Corman) nineteen hundred and ninty-six, The Frighteners made it's theatrical debut. On the exact same day, the Tales from the Crypt television show premiered it's final episode.

"Well, that about wraps it up here at Rock & Roll High. Remember, if your principal ever gives *you* trouble, if you want *this* (Vince Lombardi High School is burning down) to happen at your school, you just give ol' Screamin' Steve a call. I'm in the book - under SCARRRREAMIN'!" -Screamin' Steve Stevens, Rock 'n' Roll High School

No comments:

Post a Comment