The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter

When mapping out my treasure hunt into Hammer's chest of riches (see part 1 and part 2 of this series), nothing could have prepared me for the sheer blinding awesome that is 1974's Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter. A quick and dirty glance over appropriate IMDB'age reveals that this is apparently the film that was Hammer Horror's iceberg; it's failure to resonate with audiences began the slow death of this storied production company. Having digested all Kronos has to offer, I can't even contemplate how this is possible.

Captain Kronos the man is a hardcore former soldier who's devoted his life to discovering vampire scourges and combating them at every turn. A master swordsman, he's a fantastic physical specimen; honed to both physical and mental edged perfection. He's a face melting metal bad ass traveling about the 1700's European country side, routing riotous villagers and bedding beautiful buxom Caroline Monroe.

He's accompanied by a faithful hunchbacked companion, who refuses to conform to normal cinematic stereotypes. Professor Hieronymus Grost is an arcane lore master of all things vampiric, musing at one point that "there are as many species of vampire as there are beasts of prey". He's a charming and charismatic personality, a master blacksmith, a stalwart companion and a great character. I absolutely loved every scene he's in, most especially the "chess scene" between him and Dr. Marcus.

It's evident from the outset that Hammer was attempting a reinvention of both vampire folklore and also themselves. Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter was designed to be a the first of a long running series staring rugged pre-Viggo Mortenson Horst Janson. He's contacted by an old war buddy, Dr.Marcus, to investigate the strange cases of young girls who are being found rapidly progressed to chronologically challenged hag status. Along the way Kronos frees a young, buxom Caroline Monroe from roadside stocks and invites her along to sexy ends. There's such a marvelous mystery presented within, that I've already said enough and will leave the baton at your feet to run with.

Sadly the film did very poorly at theaters (perhaps American audiences were worn out on Hammer by this point?) and so nothing ever came beyond this one film. Thinking back on it now in the rear view, Captain Kronos -Vampire Hunter was a decades forward thinking flick. The scientific method meets folk legend approach to reasoning out vampiric haunts and weaknesses heavily feels like best parts Hellboy and the logical explanation and methodical implementation of weapons and gadgets (all period appropriate) shows shades of these same aspects as presented in Batman Begins.

Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter is a swashbuckling, euro-gothic, manly-fisticuffs good time. It was sadly passed over and almost forgotten but now you can check it out on Netflix streaming. Try on something new, something sheer, something that might not be your size but might feel so nice next to your skin.

 

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.13

Here we find ourselves once again: me with the trailers, you with the wanting of the trailers. Have them, indulging in all their fresh squeezed delights.

Black Sunday (1960)

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

 

Interlude

 

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

 

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No.11

Today's taste of trailer torture comes courtesy of Hammer Films. As you might recalled, I'm exploring my Hammer Horror Blind Spot.  As with ,any contemporary trailers, the voice over work is powerful and inspires dread, even if the outlandish claims may not hold true for audiences of today.

Enjoy my friendly fiends.

The Horror of Frankenstein

The Scars of Dracula

The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Women

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot

Do you have a horror blind spot? Is there a specific subgenre from which you remain blissfully ignorant? Perhaps there’s an auteur director who’s first film you hated and you’ve subsequently steered clear of her works. Maybe you’re among the younger set, an ever changing demographic, and have never had the chance to experience something special. I think it’s not unreasonable to postulate that most horror nerds have a blind spot of one sort or another (except for Nick Lombardo, perhaps), though most of them are ashamed to admit it.

Should there be shame attached to this omission in horror film experience though? I say no, so long as once a deficiency is recognized, the nerd in question makes efforts to illuminate themselves of this darkest cinema genre. Take this as a blessing in disguise, not a scarlet letter. Who among us wouldn’t give their collection of severed heads to experience a genre classic newly, for the first time? You can’t go home again, but in this case you can visit a place you’ve never even vacationed (or possibly seen postcards of) before.

I have a horror genre blind spot. It isn’t a minor blemish such has having never seen Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead (I have). No, this spot is glaring, obvious and marginally painful to think about. I’m going to pen a series of articles regaling you with my adventures in casting light into this hole. What is my horror blind spot? (Don’t cringe) It’s the Hammer Horror Films catalogue.

I know. I KNOW. It isn’t as though I’ve never seen any Hammer Horror films. I certainly have. However it’s been years, so many that I’ve got a foggy cloud in my head where those recollections should be. I know that I’m missing out. It’s with that in mind that I’ve borrowed a smattering of Hammer titles from Joel of the eminent podcast - You’ve Got Geek. From his guiding hand, I’ll be experiencing the joys of these gothic marvels for the first time.



Last evening, I began my journey with the 1970 favorite Scars of Dracula. Marking the fourth time that YEAR which Christopher Lee would portray the prince of darkness, Scars of Dracula features enormous atmosphere and styling, as it seems all Hammer period films seem to overflow with. Our tale it's fairly straightforward: Angry villagers, having grown weary of their pretty virginal girls being sucked dry by the Count, attack his castle with pitchforks and torches. They burn the inner workings of castle Dracula through and through, though this means nothing as in a brilliant stroke of forethought the Count's chamber is stone on all sides, built into a cliff face and only accessible via a window above a titanic drop to rocks and sea below.

So, aside from blowing their torch and gunpowder load, the villagers accomplish nothing aside from sparking the anger of one very powerful prince of darkness. Lee exacts his furious vengeance on the womenfolk of sleepy village, driving the men to drink (more than normal) and causing them to be completely standoffish to all travelers. Of course we're then introduced to a young womanizing playboy, who pisses off the daughter of the local town judge and is falsely accused of rape. On the run from the law, our fun loving pal is kicked out of the village inn and having no recourse, he spends the night at Castle Dracula. It's all excellently creepy and done in elaborate style.



Lee is wonderful in the role which he had already become famous for and over which he had already grown quite weary. The gore was ratcheted up above what were normal Hammer standards, in order to compete with American films that brought more bloody messes to the table in the wake of Romero's Night of the Living Dead. The vivid colors pay off and contribute to a sort of faux gore style that's simultaneous gruesome and fancifully stylish. The lovely ladies showcased in the buff are delightful to look upon and contribute, in their own special way, to enlarging the plot's thickness. (*drumroll*).

The Scars of Dracula is a fantastic take on the Dracula mythos, a marvelous period piece and very well made. The Pal region DVD I watched looked great (for DVD with upscaling) though I would very much love to see a high fidelity Blu-Ray version, since the colors would render even more vividly. This was a great first choice to slip into something more comfortable of yesterday. Stay tuned as I continue to illuminate my own personal horror blind spot. Use the comments to tell me what your particular short coming might be.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 31

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

Trick 'r' Treat

Trick 'r' Treat, more than any other film, embodies the spirit of Halloween traditions. It's become a modern day cult classic and required Halloween viewing since it's home video release in 2009. Sadly, it was supposed to be a theatrical release in October 2007 and was intended to be the beginnings of a yearly Halloween release but for reasons still unknown Warner Brothers shelved this flick, never giving it a theatrical release. And so, because of this bonehead move, we've only been graced with one entry in this series. But it's cult status has been cemented by these actions and Sam, the spirit of Halloween from the film, has become a cult icon, appearing in commercials for the cable channel FEARnet all year long, counting down the days till their 24 hour Trick 'r' Treat-a-thon today.

For the uninitiated, Trick 'r' Treat is an anthology piece, which tells four macabre tales that are interwoven through various threads. Aside from featuring characters crossing over between stories, there is also the character of Sam, who is the protector of the traditions of Halloween. Sam appears in every tale somewhere and steps in to punish gross tradition violations when needed. The stories are fun and entertaining. This is a horror movie, with plenty of gore and monsters, but it's intention is never to scare you, rather it takes great pains to revel in the spirit and enjoyment of Halloween itself.

It's on FEARNet night now, give it a watch to night while you're giving out candy. You are giving out candy, right? I hope Sam doesn't have to come punish you...

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 16

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

The Midnight Hour

Oh yes, it has begun! The temperature has finally gone from closer to summer-esk to delightful fall chill. The TV channels have begun their heavy horror film rotations. I should point out that SyFy, despite how much I hate the name and their normally terrible choice in programing, has done what most channels should have been; that is dedicate the whole month to horror flicks. Nevertheless, it's that time of year, so check your TV Guide cable menu and tag those flicks you love to your DVR.

One of those movie experiences you need to check out is The Midnight Hour, which is especially important to record since it isn't currently available to the home video market. I'd heard a rumor that dream fulfilling Shout! Factory is working on a release of it but until then my Anchor Bay VHS is apparently worth over $100 bucks on EBay. It must be the LaVar Burton star power.

This made for TV movie isn't going to make your gore-o-meter twitch from it's start position but that's no reason not to give it a fair shake. It contain zombies, ghosts, vampires and witches though I wouldn't call it a kitchen sink approach since it all makes sense in context. A group of high schoolers break into their small New England town's museum to steal historical clothing to wear as costumes to their Halloween party, which is later that night. As fate would have it, one of the teens is the great-grand daughter of a witch who cursed the town 300 years earlier. They find a strange scroll in among the possession and she then reads it, in a graveyard, unleashing both zombies and ghosts, along with the witch, who is seemingly now a vampire.

As is par for the course in these situations, no one notices there is a problem early on because it's Halloween. Before you know it, we have a vampire dance number on our hands and this shit just gets real. Built into all of this is an innocent love story and as I mentioned LaVar Burton, of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Reading Rainbow fame. The Midnight Hour is a fun, innocent, Halloween themed romp that you can share with the whole family. Make sure you DVR it if it's gracing your programming line up.

I give The Midnight Hour four LaVar Burtons....out of Five.

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 13

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

The Last Man on Earth

Ah Vincent Price! I could write about the man all day. Previously we gave him some love here. The man was more than a horror icon, he was a force of nature. Today, we're focusing on The Last Man on Earth as part of our Halloween Advent celebration. I hadn't seen this film in years until it came hidden among some dregs and some gems in one of those cheap multipacks containing 50 public domain films.

Man I miss the pure style of these old posters!

This is the first of three films based on the novel I Am Legend by the amazing Richard Matheson. The other two, The Omega Man (1971) and I Am Legend (2007) may both be better remembered and carry more of a cult following, but neither stay as true to source material as Price's original vehicle. He plays the last remaining uninfected human, after the world's population succumbs to a plague which turns them into a form of weakened vampire. His days repeat over and over as he ventures out to find food and fuel during the day and bunkers into his reinforced home at night- when the infected dead surround his house attempting to pound their way inside. This life is clearly wearing on him and he can't seem to kill the sleeping vampires, during his day trips, quickly enough to grant himself some safety (and sanity).

Would you like your steak medium or through the sternum?

No, The Last Man on Earth isn't a big budget actioner. It's just the story of a lonely man trying to persevere and carry on the legacy of mankind. It's a solitary existence and the only moments of joy he might encounter are quickly taken back from him again. Luckily for you, this little thought of gem is available on Netflix for instant streaming. If you don't feel like picking up one of those cheapie 50 horror film packs, chill on the couch and watch a film which had an enormous impact on the genre redefining Night of the Living Dead. (Romero himself claims that he partially ripped of this film and Matheson's source novel). If you're one of the whiny complainers who hass shaken their angry fist at that company's price increase, take comfort- you can also watch The Last Man on Earth (for free and in nice quality) on YouTube Here.

If you're unconvinced, check out the trailer first. I know you won't be able to resist!