Rammbock: A Fresh Take on a Rotting Subgenre

Here at the Midnight Cheese, few things tug at our heartstrings quite the way that zombie films do. Actually it's more a vice-gripped, grasping tear at our heartstrings, followed by some breathless moans of delight and a hearty chomp down of dead teeth. So when we were given the chance to take an early look at the new DVD release of Rammbock: Berlin Undead, we pulled our shotguns off the mantle to repel those shambling monstrosities with good old American firepower!

From Midnight Cheese

Hold on a minute there John Wayne, this is not that sort of zombie movie. And you know what? That's exactly why it’s successful. Rammbock centers around the misadventures of broken hearted Michael, who hitches a ride into Berlin to try and win back his exgirlfriend Gabi, under the guise of returning her keys (Smooth). This is where our ride kicks off, as we waste almost no time immersing ourselves in the undead masses. Michael links up with Harper, a youthful handyman's apprentice, and the two manage to secure Gabi's apartment for the time being.

"But what about Gabi?" I know, shouldn't she be there? Turns out she just stepped out minutes before Michael arrived and could be anywhere. To make matters worse, our hero dropped his cell phone in the mad struggle to shore up their barricade in the first place. It's a very compelling hook, one which sinks in thanks largely to the performance of Michael Fuith. As our hero, he's very vulnerable but he's also very likable and determined. He and Harper, played by Theo Trebs, play off of each other very well and clearly have good on screen chemistry; which is absolutely essential in the narrow confines of Gabi's Berlin apartment complex.

The location scouts deserve a cookie here. The narrow apartment complex really pushes the claustrophobia up several notches, very much like the Spanish film [REC] (which I also highly recommend). Interestingly, the survivors can interact with each other via windows overlooking a small courtyard shared by the apartments-turned prison cells. But they can’t help one another, however much they might wish to.

From Midnight Cheese

Where Rammbock really sets itself apart, though, is with its clever spin on the zombie infection concept. Of the hundreds of films to come out during the last decade’s zombie boom, the vast majority of them are completely content to imitate exactly what has come before with very little variation. Perhaps they try to ratchet up the gore quotient or make the zombies run faster (or make them strippers, yikes), but all in all it’s fast become a stale, rotting subgenre. The zombies in Rammbock aren’t trying to tear you limb from limb or eat you. They’re rabid humans. They’re attacking to maim and they’re trying to bite survivors. The bite imparts an infection; pretty standard fare so far, right?

Ok check this out: the infection doesn’t turn you into a zombie unless your body produces adrenaline which moves the infection to your brain and causes an irreversible transformation. This sets up some pretty interesting scenarios. How do you keep yourself from triggering your fight or flight during the height of a zombie apocalypse? The film showcases several fascinating attempts to survive a bite infection, which is all the more important since the body can fight it off given enough time. However once you have to fight for your life or even just get over excited, it’s permanent zombification time. I won’t spoil the most effective technique for combating the undead, but it’s not guns. In fact, there aren’t any fire arms or head smashing in Rammbock. There is a lot of smart thinking going on and a handful on ingenuity.

At sixty-three minutes in length, Rammbock does not disappoint, packing more of a ride than most of its contemporaries do in ninety minutes. The new DVD release includes the standard behind the scenes feature we’ve come to expect and then delights with a very funny zombification public service announcement bonus. The newly minted DVD was released this week. Check out Rammbock: Berlin Undead, the most original take on the zombie concept since 28 Days Later.

From Midnight Cheese

Grabboids: The Val and Earl Show

The rain and thunder pound on outside, but inside, ah inside is a trove of alternate worlds to escape into. Row upon row of brightly colored, highly enticing 7" by 4" by 1" slivers of heaven. The banks of VHS tapes reflect the florescent light suggestively, until one catches the eye and it's completely obvious that this is tonight's entertainment.

This ritual is one I played out hundreds of times before and on this particular stormy evening in 1992, the slip cover for Tremors caught my attention first. It's homage to classic monster movies was evident just from the cover, which was almost completely taken up by a poised to strike "grabboid". It was all so very Jaws-like. I flipped it over to take in the details, which was really just part of the ritual (I'd already decided to rent it anyhow).

Kevin Bacon!? Footloose Kevin Bacon? And Fred Ward from Remo Williams? Oh this is gonna be sweet. But it was 1992, so what I likely said was "radical!" or possibly "gnarley!". But let's not sell Tremors short on the rest of its casting; its diverse collection of character actors is a integral part of what makes this flick so great. In short its characters have character. Bacon and Ward play Val and Earl, two handymen who do odd jobs for folks in this community. They decide (one day too late, as Val laments) that they've had it up to here with putting up fences, digging ditches and emptying septic tanks for chump change.

Of course, we wouldn't have much of a ride if our protagonists could simply leave the delightful town of Perfection (population: 14) unmolested. No sir. Folks start to turn up dead and soon enough the grabboids start to rear their ugly, prehistoric, multi-tongued, monstrous worm-heads. Of course, our motley band of townsfolk begins to become monster worm snacks in rapid succession including Walter Chang, played by John Carpenter mainstay Victor Wong.

However, there are two Perfection townsfolk who the grabboids are foolish to mess with: the Gummers, Burt and Heather. The Gummers relocated to this sleepy, near abandoned ex-mining town to avoid the gaze of big government. The gun nut survivalist duo are played by Michael Gross, fresh off of the Family Ties finale and Reba McEntire, who I don't even hate here (full disclosure: country music is atrocious). The gun fight scene in their bunker's basement is awesome. It's also worth noting that Gross has made a veritable career out of the Tremors films (he's in all 4) and it's tv spin off. I still contend that Burt Gummer is a cult horror figure and deserves his own action figure.

So, refocusing the scene on 11 year old me. With the glossy intoxication of the back of the Tremors VHS in full control of my frontal lobe, I march to the check out at my local Blockbuster (now on an endangered species list of some sort), pausing along the way to snag some 'everlastin gobstoppers, popcorn and a Serge soft drink, to begin a night of unapologetic delight. It's still storming like hell out side, so I make sure to hide Kevin Bacon and the gang under my jacket and hustle home in half the time. Far more "radicals!" and "gnarleys!" escaped from my parent's basement as I must have watched this cult classic half a dozen times over the following three rainy days.

These days there's so many easier ways to have movies come to you, but that's a lament for another post. Tremors is available on both Blu-ray and DVD (you guys still watch those, right?). If you're gonna pick up the Digital Video Disc version, you might as well purchase the Tremors Attack Pack, which contains the first film and all three of it's direct-to-video sequels. Grab some friends and plan a night in with this fantastically enjoyable camp classic.

Wes Craven: The Forgotten Years - SHOCKER

Horror master Wes Craven has written and directed dozens of genre films and TV shows throughout his long career. On more than one occasion, he has arguably redefined the genre and reestablished himself as relevant every generation. He understands story and structure in such an instinctual way that he’s able to elevate even the most inane plot devices and you, noble viewer, just accept it.

With a career so vast and consistent (for a good amount of time, Mr. Craven was averaging 1.5 movies every two years), it’s easy for some of his work to slip through the cracks of mainstream and find themselves late night cable favorites. One of these little gems goes by the name of Shocker.

Written and directed by Craven and starring a young Peter Berg (who has become a solid director in his own right) and Mitch Pileggi (Deputy Director Skinner of X-Files lore), Shocker tells the story serial killing cable repairman who wreaks havoc post mortem.

Lt. Don Parker (Michael Murphy) gets so close to catching said serial killer, the deranged Horace Pinker (Pileggi), that his family is targeted. His wife and biological son are brutally murdered in retaliation. Vengeance is sworn. Parker’s older adopted son, Jonathan (Berg) is emotionally distraught over the deaths and starts experiencing vivid dreams about Pinker. Through said dreams, Jonathan tracks Pinker down. Pinker gets wind and kills Jonathan’s girlfriend. Tortured Jonathan continues having dreams, this time leading to Pinker.

Bad guy caught, all ancillary characters killed off for emotional resonance and a quick trial/death sentence given - Horace Pinker is going to die via electric chair. Good guys win (even though all their loved ones have been brutally murdered), whoo hoo! Not so fast… Pinker made a deal with the devil in the form of giant television lips (yeah) and is now pure electricity! What? He’s Jonathan’s biological father, too! Holy plot twist!

Not only can the newly disembodied Pinker travel through currents, but he can possess any person he comes in contact with, except Jonathan, or course, because he has a magic necklace that his dead lady friend gave him in a dream. The similarities to Craven’s earlier Nightmare films are abundant, tweeked ever so slightly for this lighter affair.

The 80s metal infused soundtrack and “practical” digital effects make this a movie that’s obviously dated, but visually holds up surprisingly well. I wish I could say the same for some of the plot developments, but that’s half the charm. Every cop in this movie is either an idiot or a chain smoking rogue. They also have no concept of procedure or securing a crime scene. If I had a dollar for every time our main character just walks into a crime scene to have some sort of emotional response in front of the deceased’s body… then I’d have three dollars. That’s an energy drink’s worth of poor police work. Also providing (un)intentional laughs are Jonathan's football friends and their collective eagerness to believe and help Jonathan. Not one of them questions his sanity. Perhaps that would bog down the plot too much?

The movie ramps up in its final act when Pinker transmits himself via television. If you’ve ever wanted to see two men fight it out on every channel, this is your movie. All kidding aside, it’s hard not to appreciate the ingenuity that surfaces in the last 20 minutes. The film effectively changes genres from horror/thriller to a strange mix of trippy sci-fi while still maintaining mass consumption appeal.

Put 80s horror clichés in a blender with the era’s metal music, a dash of gore and vulgarity, mix in a little science fiction, place tongue firmly in cheek and you have Shocker. Easily, one of my favorite bad Craven movies.

Spoilers... Ted Raimi is in this movie (YAHHHH), but dies off screen (BOOOO).

The Trailer Dump, Issue no. 5

Aright, I've got a few grindhouse specials for you today. You'll THRILL! to blazing action sequences, CHILL! with smooth blacksploitation and FIGHT! for you life in both the post apocalypse and ancient China. Let's get this show on the road.

Chinese Hercules

Meet the super human beast of the east!

Police Women

Keep your eyes peeled for the best karate kick sequence ever.

2020: Texas Gladiators

Does not seem to be set in Texas nor does it seem to contain gladiators.

Intermission!

Let me supplicate myself to your meat eating needs, master.

Coffee

Do they any sexier or more sassy than Pam Grier?

Pieces

I love the honesty of this trailer, it doesn't fuck around.

You Can't Stop a Dead Cop...From Being AWESOME!

Oh, how nostalgic we are for the wonder that was 1980s cinema. It was the perfect combination of experimentation and blatant selling out. The space that existed between Raiders of the Lost Ark and Roger Rabbit is practically eight years of throwing something against the wall, just to see what sticks. A wonderful example of this phenomenon is a little gem, seen more by accident on Cinemax than in theatres around the world, called Dead Heat.

“Remember the good old days, when bullets used to kill people.” – Doug Bigelow

Starring Treat Williams (the poor man’s Tommy Lee Jones) and Joe Piscopo (post SNL, muscled and mulleted) are two LAPD detectives, cleaning up the mean streets with their standard issue side arms and butter knife sharp wit. During a routine bank robbery shoot-out (which is like a typical Tuesday in LA), Detectives Roger Mortis (Williams…note the name… get it) and Doug Bigelow (Piscopo, still with a mullet) realize that these bad guys aren't going down with bullet hits. Oh no, zombies!

As their pursuit of the dim bulb zombie robbers continues, they find themselves at Dante Laboratories, where something foul is afoot. Roger dies tragically and Doug decides, "Hey, why not put my partner and best friend's body in this huge machine, just to see what it does." The machine reanimates Roger and now we've got a movie!

What transpires is 90 minutes of madcap buddy cop comedy and one-liners to spare. Roger only has twelve hours before he completely decomposes. That's more than enough time to kick a little ass and get to the bottom of this zombie business.

There are more than enough things to love about this movie, many of which derive from Piscopo's Doug Bigelow. He's unnaturally buff (coughcoughsteroidscough) and rocking that Jerry curl like a pro. There's no shame in his comedic timing. So much so that you can't help but giggle even at the clunkers. The man commits. Williams is the straight guy, learning to live a little more every time he takes a bullet and doesn't go down. Whether they're fighting hulking monsters, reanimated post-butchered cows (yes) or each other, the brisk pace of this shiny turd keeps you entertained.

Directed by Mark Goldblatt, an Oscar nominated editor whose only other feature film directed endeavor was the Dolph Lundgren Punisher a year later. His fine-tuned editing chops come in handy with this mash up of genres. The make up and creature effects are fun, if not accurate and surprisingly effective when they are. With such a ridiculous premise and execution, it's hard not to love Dead Heat for what it is. I love the reckless abandon of 80s genre cinema. It's like there's a dartboard filled with contrived premises and the screenwriters landed their darts on Buddy Cop, Zombie, and Action Comedy.

Having seen the film numerous times in my youth, I was shocked how it held up by my (sometimes) unrealistic expectations today. If I'm going to commit to a movie now a days, it better be worth it. Oh, boy is Dead Heat worth it. So much in fact that I petition to you, Midnight Cheeseheads, let's get this re-made. Perhaps staring Will Smith and Ben Affleck or something, directed by someone that understands movies can be fun, even when they don't make sense. Keep the zombie butcher shop scene and it'll be box office gold!

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.4

I've watched quite a wide assortment of trailers in my day. Happily, there is always something dwelling beyond the realms of most sane human's imaginations waiting to blow my mind. I'm not just talking about this issues' throwback intermission bumper, which probably is awesome and sensical if you're high. Instead I'm referring to the two selections from the land of the rising sun. The trailer for Hausu is excellent, just as the full film is. The trailer for Big Tits Zombies is...unknowable. I included it incase one of you can make sense of it for me, because I sure can't. Enjoy!

Dead and Buried

The needle scene really sticks. with. you.

Creepshow 2

I won't lie, the thing in the lake scared the shit out of me as a kid.

Hausu

Hausu is equal parts Evil Dead 2 and Hello Kitty and must be seen.

Intermission!

I missed out on drive-ins and oddities like this.

Troll 2

Hello early 90's Cinemax flashback!

Big Tits Zombies aka Kyonyu Dragon

What the fuck did I just watch?

A Match Made in a Cabin in the Woods

Allow me to take on the role of your life's screenwriter and set the scene: you've recently met a delightful young lady (or handsome dude) with whom you seem to get along very well. Sure, you've gone on a date or two, but before you really go head over heels, you'd like to be completely certain that they're the one (at least among the two or perhaps top three). But how can you be certain? How can you remove that seed of doubt?

Why, by using the Evil Dead Girlfriend Test. "What the hell?" (you say to no one in particular). It's true that in the before time, the long-long ago, we horror nerds had to resort to developing our own unique methods for weeding out the worthy from the wanting. It wasn't easy. We didn't have eHarmony and Match doing the dirty work for us with their overhyped compatibility tests. In the 90's, horror freaks needed someone to look to in this darkest hour, someone they could trust, someone like Bruce Campbell.

"Ok, sure, that's a bunch of fancy words you wrote, but what the heck is it anyway?"

Quite simply if you have someone you believe is worthy of the next of commitment, dating, it behooves you to sit down with them and watch the 1987 masterpiece, Evil Dead 2. I know you've watched like a gajillion times. I know you wore out a VHS version and that you likely own four different DVD copies. But this isn't about you, nerd face, it's about your potential beau. So fire up that entertainment center, get some popcorn and expose this lucky contestant to what Mr. Raimi has to offer. (by the way, that line begs to enter the lexicon as a dirty euphemism)

This part should come easy, since you've already seen Evil Dead 2 enough times to quote it; you need to watch and observe your potential partner's reactions (and not quote the movie back verbatim. Believe it or not, that makes you really annoying. That was an extra nickel's worth of free advice from Mr. Strickland). There are two things to look for at this point. The first is disgust. If Evil Dead 2 makes your date disgusted or bored, you might be better off as friends with benefits, because you probably won't make it in the long run, but that shouldn't stop two sweaty nerds from having a good time in the sack. Tell tale signs of not enjoying one of the most enjoyable films of all time include but are not limited to "What the hell is this?" "That's not funny!" or "This is fucking stupid". If he/she says the latter, you're allowed to punch them in kidneys (in every state but Utah; Bruce Campbell could give two shits about Utah).

How do you know you're in the gold? Laughter is a good sign. So are smiles and smirks. They might even tell you it was awesome or thank you for exposing them to it. In any of these cases, you can now be certain that it's safe to move on to the next level of dating with complete certainty. It is recommended that you conduct further testing if the relationship is likely to go further.

I subjected tested my wife with a successive series of films prior to even dating her. If I recall correctly, the sequence was Evil Dead 2-The Beyond-shots of vodka-Riki Oh.

"I can find "shots of vodka" on IMDB" you say. Thanks jerk. The point to be had here is that my wife and I have been together 10 years and it's clearly thanks to Bruce Campbell. 'Cheese contributor Noel suggested I add testimonials to strengthen my writing. So I approached my wife about it. She rolled her eyes and went back to what she was doing. Oh yeah nerds, it totally works.

School may be out, but Horror High is in!

You think you had it bad in high school? What you experienced is a cake walk compared to what hapless Vernon Potts (Pat Cardi) experiences on a daily basis. Played with authentic nerd brilliance, Cardi's Vernon is the heart, and soon-to-be twisted soul, of Horror High (AKA Twisted Brain). Left alone by his widower/travelling salesman father to practically raise himself, Vernon spends most of his time in the school's biology lab working on a not-so-clearly defined experiment with a guinea pig named Mr. Mumps. When he's not in the lab, Vernon is viciously bullied by a jock d-bag named Roger (Mike McHenry), mocked by his Phys. Ed. instructor Coach McCall (genuine Dallas Cowboy John Niland) and given some Mommie Dearest-type discipline by the hard-ass English teacher Miss Grindstaff (Joy Hash). Just when things can't get any worse, the school's drunk janitor makes poor Vernon drink a beaker of fluid that looks like it was used to dye Easter eggs. The fluid is the key to Vernon's experiment. Needless to say, things go horribly wrong as Vernon's monstrous alter-ego scratches names off of his enemies list.

Filmed on-the-cheap in Texas, this seedy 70s variation on the Jekyll and Hyde story is one earth-toned slice of midnight cheese. You know you're in for a good time when the movie opens with cinematic history's most maudlin theme song. It makes the lyrics from You Light Up My Life sound like they were swiped from Leonard Cohen's notebook. The audience is then treated to a parade of teens riding Schwinn bikes while dressed in the standard issue Earth shoes, Huck-a-Poo shirts and bell bottoms fresh off the rack from Two Guys department store. The mood is so groovy that you can almost smell the Hai Karate. What follows after the credits is an 80 minute smorgasbord of sophomoric bullying, authentic acne, stilted dialogue, bad lighting, bizarre moustache twitching, severed fingers, a severed mannequin head, mutant rodents, human and animal skeletons, smokey acid vats, huge sideburns, pestle beatings, macrame, football cleat stomping and a transformed monster man who looks like a mash-up of Randall "Tex" Cobb and Andy Robinson's Scorpio killer from Dirty Harry (post beat down).

If all that wasn't enough, b-movie badass Austin (Assault on Precinct 13) Stoker shows up as badass police detective determined to get to the bottom of the bizarre business going down. How badass is Stoker's cop? He's so badass that he's introduced with a music cue that's so funky it sounds like Billy Preston's Slaughter score if it had be written by Boo Radley. But that's not all! "Mean" Joe Greene, fresh from his iconic Coke commercial, turns up during the film's climax as a shotgun-wielding police patrolman.

If you're a cheesy movie aficionado, you owe it to yourself to pick up the uncut, restored 35th Anniversary Special Edition DVD of Horror High from Code Red. It's a fun, laugh riot horror flick and the disc has a heaping helping of cool extras. Pick it up today and your mood ring will be all aglow.

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.3

It's that time of the week again; the time to tuck in and focus on the movie appetizer sampler that is The Trailer Dump. This week's focus is a little more early 90's cheese as recommended by Noel, with one or two surprises thrown in by me. Bon appetite!

Dead Heat

Good cop Dead cop.

Night of the Creeps

If you scream, you're dead!

Arena

See how many Deep Space Nine alumni you can spot.

Intermission!

Aged cheddar? Ew

Slumber Party Massacre 2

(mildly NSFW)

A real Rock 'n Roll nightmare

Captain America

At least it's not Nick Fury: Agent of Shield!

Which one was your favorite this week?