(Don't) Stay Out of the Faculty Lounge...

THE FACULTY

Directed by Robert RodriguezWritten by Kevin Williamson

Starring Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Famke Janssen, Clea DuVall, Usher, Jon Stewart

Did you ever think that your teachers in high school were aliens? Yeah, me neither. Apparently some did, though and that’s the conceit of this 1998 extraterrestrial extravaganza. What if they really were aliens, body snatchers style, taking over the town one drone at a time? Of course because you’re just a teen, no one believes you. It’s up to this misfit Breakfast Club to save the school and the world.

Since the inception of his career, Robert Rodriguez has proven himself to not only be the epitome of DIY filmmaking, but also being a very open collaborator. He’s the kind of writer/director that would be comfortable scrapping his idea for a better one and making a movie as a team effort. Following his successful partnership with Quentin Tarantino a year earlier on From Dusk Till Dawn, Rodriguez collaborated with Kevin Williamson during the height of his popularity.

For those unaware, Kevin Williamson was responsible for the mid-nineties wave of post modern horror having penned Scream, Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and eventually creating the massively popular television show, Dawson’s Creek (I’m so glad Joey and Pacey ended up together, they were so cute).  Rodriguez, being the team player he is thought, “hell yeah, let’s make this alien invasion high school movie.” I’m paraphrasing, of course.

Collecting an insanely nerd and 90s friendly cast (Elijah Wood, Jon Stewart, Josh Hartnett, Robert Patrick, etc.), The Faculty is a very classically paced homage to Invasion of the Body Snatchers filtered through the self-aware lens of the era’s horror movies. At the time it was still cool to have characters comment on their predicaments with similar pop culture references. There’s even a loving rip off of The Thing’s wire in the blood scene.

By the beginning of the second act, the geeky school photographer, the new girl, the emo punk girl, the jock, and the cool, older drug dealer are on a mission to stop the school’s faculty from infesting the entire town at the homecoming game. How do they plan to do this? Well, with drugs of course.

What The Faulty lacks in originality, it makes up with pure charisma, character, and fun. The hero shifts characters multiple times throughout the story and even though these actors are portraying caricatures in an extraordinary situation, you never question their commitment or validity. The care that they give transcends the final product beyond being a rehash of horror tropes.

Rodriguez deftly handles all the characters and doesn’t make it too obvious whom will eventually save the day. There are enough hero moments to go around and there’s a point where we aren’t sure who will make it to the end. As always, his camera work benefits from him also being an editor. There is no wasted time or space on the screen, making The Faculty as easily digestible as a bucket of popcorn.

The creature effects are a touch lazy in scenes, especially the use of CGI (pretty great for only a $15 million budget, though). But, when the movie commits to a full prosthetic monster baddie, it’s completely beautiful. The fully revealed monster at the end of this is one of my favorites, especially the balletic transformation from monster to human underwater. You’ll know the scene when you see it.

The Faculty is a fun movie that elevates itself from schlock brethren with wit, skill, and a stellar cast. Is it Laurence of Arabia good? No. But, when it comes to Rated R, high school alien invasion movies, it’s by far a favorite.

Currently available on Netflix streaming, The Faculty is a fun treat on a weekend afternoon.

Side note: One of the better (or worst) aspects of most 90s movies were their soundtracks, bloated with “hits” and covers from popular artists of the moment. For optimal marketability, they would cram tracks in every quiet moment in the movie. A-mazing. Enjoy this embarrassing little vid. 

HOWARD THE WHAT?!?

HOWARD THE DUCK

Directed by: Willard Huyck

Written by: Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz

Staring: Lea Thompson, Tim Robbins, Terry Jones, Chip Zien

1986

Before Iron Man changed comic book movies, before Marvel Studios existed, and before the synergistic acquisition of Marvel by Disney, there was a comic-to-film adaptation that changed the world. It defied the odds, logic, and was fostered into existence by George “Star Wars” Lucas himself.

Yes. I’m talking about Howard the Duck. A motion picture that would forever change how we perceive the world. Rosebud, shmose-bud. Howard had arrived to quack-fu kick us into the next millennium of filmmaking.

Okay, so maybe I went a little overboard with the hyperbole on that one. How else can I sell this spectacle past the title, though? Let’s start with a little bit of history.

Howard the Duck is a Marvel Comics character, created in 1973 by Steve Gerber and artist Val Mayerik. He is large anthropomorphic duck prone to cigars, tiny fedoras, and fits of rage (what’s the deal with duck characters having anger management issues). He’s trapped on our world doing nothing extraordinary other than living and surviving. In the early days, Howard’s adventures tended to fall into the vein of horror parodies (which is a concept that informed the subsequent, hardly family-friendly, movie). Later, Gerber brought forward the tone of Howard the Duck being a more existential book, noting wonderfully that, “life's most serious moments and most incredibly dumb moments are often distinguishable only by a momentary point of view.” Gerber brought a meta-textual and inquisitive nature to the book. This tone, however, was violently dismissed from the movie adaptation.

So, here you have an antihero who fights monsters and lines at the DMV with equal vigor and indignation. How do you inform that into a single movie narrative? Well, it’s arguable if writers Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz did with any kind of success. However, what transpired is a hidden gem of Hollywood cheesiness.

The movie was a favorite in my childhood and has maintained said status in adulthood, but for different reasons. When I was a five-year-old sitting in the cinema on opening weekend, I was just enamored with the high level plot. It’s a duck-man who fights giant monsters and plays the guitar. As I got older, the utter perverse nature of much of the plot was almost a revelation. This movie is not for kids featuring heavy innuendos, duck boobies, proportional condoms, and the implication of anthropomorphic bestiality (wait, is it bestiality if the animal-party can consent… anyway). Let’s dive in.

Howard is plucked from his living room, through the cosmos, and into our world due to the meddling of pesky scientists on earth. He’s dropped in the middle of Whatever-city America where he quickly befriends a down on her luck musician by the name of Beverly (Lea Thompson). Beverly is pretty open to Howard being an alien and is immediately flirtatious. Different strokes, right? She brings Howard to Phil (Academy Award winner, Tim Robbins in a tour de force performance) who is a junior scientist working at the local museum. He is the only person Bev can think to take Howard for answers. Hilarity, hijinks, and human-duck relations ensue until the plot kicks into high gear in act two.

You see, those pesky scientists from before think they might have opened a portal for other, much more threatening, beings from other dimensions to break through to our world. With Howard’s help (I’m not sure how), they can hopefully close this gap and send him back to his home. Things don’t go swimmingly and before we know it, Howard and the gang are forced to battle the Dark Overlord of Planet X (no shit).

Originally conceived as an animated movie, Lucas’ involvement precipitated the use of Industrial Light and Magic’s skills to create a live-action Howard. Like the Godzilla days of old, Howard is a man in a suit with an animatronic mouth, eyes and, expressions. Sometimes it’s a wonderful effect and sometimes it’s just not. Howard’s proportions often fluctuate. Depending on the suit’s limitations per scene, it can take you out of the film at times. But where ILM had inconsistent success with Howard, they delivered tenfold with the reveal of the movie’s big bad at the end. To this day, this is some of the most fluid and immersive stop-motion animation in a live-action film I have ever seen. The articulation is nearly flawless and genuinely frightening.

Tonally, Howard the Duck is all over the map, which almost strengthens the overall experience. Both broad and very specific, sometimes in the same scene, it can be difficult to follow. I’m not entirely sure who the intended audience for this movie was because they commit to neither fully. However, having seen the movie at two different times in my life, I’m of two minds about it. There were many things that flew over my head when I was younger. There are also cringe worthy moments that used to illicit cheering. Make of it what you will, but Howard the Duck’s greatest weakness may in fact be its saving grace.

A few years ago, Lucasfilm and Universal finally released Howard the Duck on DVD with a new transfer, documentaries, and interviews (which are sadly without Tim Robbins involvement). Of course, the creative blame marketing and studio confusion on the film’s eventual financial failure. Is it me, or has this been the go to complaint of cult films’ success (or lack their of)? “The studio just didn’t know what to do with us.” I’m sure it’s true in some instances, but not every time. Sometimes a movie just doesn’t hit the mark. Own it, man.

It’s not currently on Netflix streaming, but it’s not hard to find. I highly recommend checking this cheesy gem out. This movie really is something special. It’s a grand critical and financial failure as well as a stunning achievement in tone and special effects. Love it or hate it, you have to try it to find out.

If it were a safe bet, these types of pleasures wouldn’t make you feel very guilty. Where’s the fun in that? 

DETENTION is SOOOOO Totally....

DETENTION

Directed by Joseph Kahn
Written by Joseph Kahn and Mark Palermo

Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Shanley Caswell, Dane Cook

I have no idea what I just watched… I also don’t think I hated it.

This review is going to require some soul searching. I’m not even sure I can describe what Detention is without sounding like a lunatic off his meds. There are practically seventeen plots in this film (blink and you might miss one), all contrived, all genre specific, and all done with tongue firmly imbedded in cheek. Does that mean it’s a satire? Umm, I think so…

I’m not entirely sure because even though it’s absolutely a satire, it’s earnestly put together with style and an ADD approach to pace. I don’t even know if that makes sense.

Let me start over...

Detention, written and directed by Joseph Kahn (co-written by Mark Palermo ), is the story of Riley and Clapton, two high school seniors on opposite ends of the social strata. Clapton Davis (Josh Hutcherson) is inexplicably the coolest kid at Grizzly Lake High School, sporting neon yellow aviator sunglasses and skateboarding in the halls. Riley Jones (Shanley Caswell) is a sometimes-suicidal, overalls-wearing, vegetarian feminist who is just looking for another cause to get behind. Already, our heroes are obvious amalgams of every teen movie stereotype. What’s oddly refreshing is that everyone behind and in front of the camera is aware and comments on it directly.

Alright, so there’s this movie within the movie about a deformed prom queen killer called Cinderhella. The sequel is about to come out and there’s this real killer who is knocking off the students of Grizzly Lake by wearing a Cinderhella mask. *coughcoughScreamcough* So that’s happening.

There’s also some students that are way too informed about 1992 pop culture which may or may not have to do with mind-swapping, time traveling bears, aliens, and wishing on shooting stars. Did I mention the kid with a TV for a hand and fly blood in his veins? Or the Patrick Swayze versus Steven Segal debacle? Oh, and Dane Cook is the principal. Ugh, my head hurts- but in a good way, like an ice cream headache.

Just as interesting as the movie is the story of its inception. Joseph Kahn, a prolific music video director in the early 2000s made quite the splash with his feature directorial debut, Torque (2004). Torque is the story of crotch-rocket daredevils doing things on bikes and there are bad guys and lots of quick cut editing. Universally panned, it was a financial failure and the butt of many jokes. Torque represented the end of that MTV era of film-making with whip-fast cameras and excessive CGI stuntmen (or did it, Fast & Furious Part 12!?)

After the epic failure of Torque (personally, it’s the kind of movie that is what it is and I don’t mind it), Kahn wasn’t particularly a hot commodity anymore. He stood by the film because he delivered what he wanted to, an over the top movie. People just didn’t get it (including the studio that promoted it). Facing the possibility of never getting the opportunity to make another movie, he decided to write/fund/produce/direct one himself. Because this new endeavor was a labor of love and may be a one-time thing, he threw reservations out the window and included every genre under the sun. What resulted is a high energy, schizophrenic, action packed, post-modern, science fiction, fever dream of a high school comedy called Detention.

Immediately upon it ending, I was taken aback and didn’t feel any affection for it. I think I liked it. Since that first viewing four days ago, I’ve revisited the movie three times (once just to watch the last half hour). I think I like it. I think I like it a lot. It’s so bad it’s good, but so good you don’t think it’s very good at first. But, it sticks with you. It’s like witnessing something with incredible speed. In the moment, your brain can barely process it. Upon reflection, your mind begins to fill in the gaps and flesh out the chain of events. Yeah… that probably sums it up the best.

I optimistically recommend Detention with the pessimism in mind that not everyone will take away from it what I did. I was able to appreciate the controlled chaos on screen where nothing was sacred. Not everyone’s brain is wired the same, which is fine. Movies are subjective… that’s why you’re reading a review.

My experience with Detention was a positive one, filled with surprise, and benefiting from repeat viewings and a rewind button. I can’t guarantee yours will be the same, but I do request you give this one a chance. I think it’s safe to say that you’ve seen all of this before- but you’ve never seen anything like this before. 

THE RAID: REDEMPTION - An Exercise in Non-Biased Film Review

The Raid: Redemption

Directed by Gareth Evans

Starring Iko Uwais, Ray Sahetapy, Joe Taslim

A great deal has been written about this movie on the inter-webs over the past year or so. It's a flick that wowed audiences at a number of film festivals and all over Indonesia (where it was made). Eventually making it's way to American screens (legitimately), The Raid was given a subtitle and limited release earlier this year. I got a chance to see it then and now on the eve of it's DVD/BluRay release (9/12/12), I feel like my brain has finally recovered enough to talk about it. Recover from what exactly? Well, let me explain…

The Raid punched the inside of my eyes. It was so feverishly visceral that my pulse was fluctuating during the course of actions scenes. This is something that had never happened to me before… or that I can recall. I assume this kind of excitement occurred when I was very, very young and less jaded as a movie goer. Hyperbole aside… this is the greatest hand-to-hand action movie I've ever seen. End quote.

I know we focus a lot on horror here at Midnight Cheese, but this movie is so steeped in many genre tropes that it's hard not to compare it to a great kung-fu or western film. Elements of both are subtly weaved in throughout the narrative.

Speaking of the narrative, The Raid: Redemption is a simple story but with elegant execution. A SWAT team raids a 30 story tenement building run by Tama (Ray Sahetapy), the biggest of bad guys. Tama not only lives there, but it's his base of operations, filled with the cities largest concentration of scum and villainy. They're protected by Tama as long as they are willing to defend him on occasion. When the SWAT team is discovered on the fifth floor, Tama activates the building with some weighty incentives. Very heavy opposition stands between our good guys and escaping alive. The real heart of the story lies in our hero police officer Rama (Iko Uwais), who has a motivation beyond justice that's keeping him alive. 

The fight choreography is some of the best I've ever seen in any flick. The hits are hard, fast, and gritty. There is a guttural style of fighting on display, using every element of their surroundings and any advantage. People are ruthlessly beaten and brutally killed, but it's never exploitative. You feel the desperation of these men and can't help but wince when a fist connects. One fight in particular between Mad Dog (Tama's most ruthless and unassuming bodyguard) and the SWAT captain, Jaka, is especially brutal and emotional. These men have only a few scenes of character building before the fight, but so much of their beings is expressed through the fight that it becomes one of the more emotional moments of the entire film. This is not just practiced choreography, these men are effectively fighting for everything they hold dear and you can feel it.

Its not just the action, but the extreme sense of tension that flows over you while the film escalates. It's so palpable that each little victory gets a biggest emotional release than any action set piece in all of Michael Bay's robot movies combined. 

I have gladly stepped over the line of talking a movie up too much, but I will take that risk. I feel confident enough about The Raid that any amount of praise will not diminish it's impact. This movie is immune to high compliments, because it simply delivers. 

Please, pick this up when you have the chance… and if you do so illegally, do something for me- When it blows you away (and it will), you have the obligation to spread the word and/or give these filmmakers your money. You will have that change on September 12th.

Now go forth, and spread the word. The word of The Raid.

For your eye-hole pleasure, I've included both the Red Band (ultra-violent) and the Domestic (more story-based) trailers for this little gem, in that order. Enjoy! Enjoy!

Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Noel Bartocci felt the very strong urge to contribute. As on who is often taken by strong urges, I totally endulged him. Please enjoy his review of the second Human Centipede flick.


If this movie had a face I would want to fucking punch it.


Too much? Let me explain.


This movie is offensively terrible. Not offensive because of the graphic violence. Not offensive because of the deplorable characters and the acts against humanity. Not even offensive because of the baby killing, explosive diarrhea, or sand paper masturbation scenes. No, this movie is offensive because it thinks you, the viewer, is a fucking moron.


This movie isn't just trying too hard, the opposite, in fact. It doesn't try hard enough to be more than what it is, but desperately thinks it is (are you following me). Worse yet, make it black and white, throw some disturbing images in there and call it "art." Fuck that. Substance is required and the only substance this movie deals with is shit. Literally.


Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is the film (I use the term 'film' real loosely) in question. I probably should have lead with that, but I got ahead of myself. I get upset when I think of it, so kudos to you, writer/director Tom Six. You've succeeded in penetrating my common nomenclature. Sure. It isn't very flattering, but any press is good press, right? Thats the only reason why this flick and it's predecessor have any traction. Face it, you've made career out of "grossing people out." Worse than Jackass, though. They have a sense of humor about it and I seriously doubt their exploits stoop to extreme sexual depravity.

Much like this article, my thoughts on the movie are constantly interrupted by how much I was taken aback by it's intention. Yes, intention. Every movie has an intention. Whether it's to inform, inspire, entertain, or explain, there's always a reason. Even the most ignorantly produced flicks merely aspire to coax a smile from the viewer (like every SyFy original picture ever made). This movie's intention is debatable, I suppose. I have no idea, really what they intended to tell us.


The set up is inspiring, creating a situation where the first film doesn't have to be seen (in fact, I still haven't). HC2:FS follows a grotesquely shaped and always sweaty parking attendant with a mother that blames him for his father's sexual abuse. Our "hero" has an unnatural obsession with this movie called Human Centipede. Yes, this sequel is in the "real world" while the first film is in "movieland." Self-important move number one, but not a deal breaker. It seemed to be a very brave and bold storytelling choice, catapulted by the first film's global reception. The idea of this movie being informed by the so called despicable first film. Imagine if someone WAS sadistaically inspired by the first film. It's a great idea. One of two fun ideas that the movie has. The other is a fun inclusion of an actress featured in part one. All the good will derived from these choices is lost by the shitty that follows.


I've already written too much about this movie and getting into the actual details of plot is a losing battle. If you decide to watch this flick, go for it. Just know that you are about to embark on 100 minutes of a film-school-hack's self importance being flickered on the screen. This movie is going to talk down to you and when you point out a hole in plot, motivation, or sense, it'll claim it was intentional and mock you for not "getting it" because it's "art." Quit fucking around, Mr. Six. No one gets it because there's nothing there. Calling this a horror movie or thriller is like calling a porno romantic comedy or erotic drama (no offense to porn). Hell, at least porn knows what it is and embraces it. I can't say the same for this.

 

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The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 17

Well, holy hell! I've got some delicious fare for you this week. There's something for everyone here, including sexy 70's babes, horrific gore, delightful drive-in fare and nostalgia aplenty. Enjoy!

 

Chuck Francisco is a columnist for Mania writing Saturday Shock-O-Rama, the weekly look into classic cult, horror and sci-fi. He is a horror co-host of two monthly film series at the world famous Colonial Theatre in Phoenixville, PA (home of 1958's 'The Blob'): First Friday Fright Nights and Colonial Cult Cinema.You can delve further into his love of all things weird and campy on his blog, The Midnight Cheese or hear him occasionally guesting on eminent podcast You've Got Geek.

 

Top 3 David Carradine Characters

A lot of ideas spooled up and whipped past the front and center of my mind this past week whilst I was penning my tribute to lost actor David Carradine for my column on Mania.com (handy link). Unfortunately, many of them didn't fit the context of that article and could not be included. Luckily I've got the Midnight Cheese to catch those left over vitals, which I've chosen to sautée and serve to you in list form. On the third anniversary of his early exit, stage right, here are my top three favorite characters played by David Carradine. If you've already read this week's Shock-O-Rama, none of this will come as any great surprise (though the ordering arrangement most).

Frankenstein (Deathrace 2000 - 1975)

While I consider Deathrace 2000 the most influential of Carradine's films on me personally, the character he plays here is not my absolute favorite. What isn't to love through about a man who's supposed to have been rebuilt more than Darth Vader when really he's just the newest in a line of trained and costumed imitators? He's sort of like Elvis, if an impersonator secretly took his place each time he died. I want you to seek this film out and so I won't spoil too much here. Let me just say that Frank has the oddest hand grenade ever captured on film thus far.

The Blind Man (Circle of Iron - 1978)

This is only one of four roles played by Carradine in this cinematic instruction manual on eastern philosophy. The Blind Man is most certainly a huge inspiration for the title character of Tarantino's Kill Bill films. He plays a large bamboo flute, which doubles as an effective weapon; he speaks in the seer sing song of riddles and unknowable truthes; and he is much deadlier that he ever comes off in both appearance and conversation. I gave Circle of Iron it's own write up here. Check it out and then see the film.

Bill (Kill Bill Vol. 2 - 2004)

Being the collected embodiment of all of his cult characters who'd come before, there's no way it could be anyone else but Bill. Every monologue delivered is classic Carradine, here movement measured and ever frame showcases another of the hundred ways which he's just so fucking cool. The scene where he plays the flute while telling the bride a tale is one of my favorite committed to film.

So celebrate the legacy, watch an awesome flick and tell you friends about just how bitchin' rad David Caaradine was.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 16

Greetings and salutations my macabre minions! I bring you tidings of goodness and joy (if you derive goodness from bad ass black bikers and joy from zombie flesh eaters). I've been scouring Archive.org for all things drive-in nostalgia flavored, tossed it into a mixing bowl with some wacked out trailers and set the machine to frappe. I hope you enjoy the gore soaked hell out of it; please hit me with some feed back so I can better enhance your viewing pleasure.

 

There are a few quick notices I wanted to bring you up speed on. I'm going to be scaling back to two weekly 'Cheese updates. The reason for that is because I've been so involved in other projects that you wouldn't be getting the best from me and I love ya too much to give you the scraps, dear readers. The good news is that you can catch both writings and rumblings from me in these other projects as well as here at The Midnight Cheese.

My weekly column on Mania.com, Saturday Shock-O-Rama, should tickle your midnight fancy and is updated every Saturday morning. This past week's piece is on the gory Kung-fu slapstick flick, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.

Cinedelphia.com features new movie reviews from me. Here's my piece on The Woman in Black. My musings on Men in Black 3 should be up on Friday.

I'm also a sometimes personality on the excellent podcast, You've Got Geek, which is released weekly and has all your nerd needs covered.

 

Holy Balls! ICWXP 202 Review

It's a tough task, continuous improvement with each new Installment. Thousands of films and television shows have been unable to do it with a combined billions of dollars in budgeting. Somehow the folks over at Incognito Cinema Warriors XP (ICWXP) keep striking comedic gold with each new release. Last week, episode 202: Soapy The Germ Fighter/Where's Your Big Bad Apocalypse Now? hit Internet shelves and the fun bus dropped off my copy on Friday.

For the uninitiated, ICWXP started as a passion project of a group of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans (MSTies) who'd had their gluttonous fill of episodes and wanted to ply their hand at something similar. While the first season of ICWXP follows a very similar chronological pattern as MST3K (riffing of a feature film with wrap around host segments), season two tones down the riffing to handle education shorts while expanding the host segments into a meatier entertainment meal.

It's because of these expanded live action segments that we're able to get to know the 'bots and their pet human better, despite the long time between releases (though that too has gotten better as of late!). Johnny Cylon is as delightfully innocent and foul mouthed as ever, with Zach Legler providing his unique and charming vocals. Seriously, Cylon's tiny body combined with his big voice makes for such a bad ass screen presence that it's been hard to this point for the actors handling Topsy to hold there own across the candy counter from him. All that's changed now, with Nick Evans taking over the role of Topsy Bot 5000 as of episode 201, the charming bot charisma battle is an evenly matched one and the sarcasm quotient has skyrocketed! Nick's also all over the episode assuming an enormous number of roles, many of which I don't want to mention for spoiler related reasons, but his turn as an over the hill Count from Sesame Street (replete with an amazing puppet) is side splittingly histerical.

Puppet newcomer Flex Namtari, human arcade relations, joins the cast as a bot originally designed to maintain the theater's arcade; a place that no longer exists. His touching man out of time story really tugs at the heart strings, recalling Christopher Reeve from Somewhere In Time... Ok ok, so it's really just a great excuse to crack well deserved jokes about the artery busting glut of remakes which we've been subjected to over the past decade. With them as always is Commander Rikk Wolf, who we caught up with last week, as the unflappable human just trying to stay sane in this zany soup of absurdity.

Being riffed here is the incredibly creepy educational short Soapy The Germ Fighter; the haunting tale of a scum covered boy of the 50's and the limb equipped bar of soap who refuses to wear pants while admonishing bad lathering technique (in the boy's bedroom....at night...). The crew also take on an absurd cigarette ad, some classily outdated drive-in snack bar bumpers (by now you must know how I love those!) and in an absolutely genius move they are lambasted with absurd amounts of Internet spam.

More than just mastering movie bashing, the crew at ICWXP is growing their film craft; cinematography, makeup and editing all looking better with each successive release. I'd be remiss not to mention the excellent zombie makeup by Bethanie's Woods (also working the camera) for her excellent Spock zombie in this episode. Adding it all up, this DVD release packs ten shitloads of entertainment value; with loads of special features to keep you entertained until episode 203 comes along. Give them your money here and if you're still unconvinced tune your eye ports to the vid below.

 

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 15

Greetings and salutations dear readers. Like Iron Man's armor, the Trailer Dump has leveled up and taken a massive leap forward. It's now a self contained entity, encapsulating all the good that you've come to expect, including cheesy trailers, intermission bumpers and solicitations to visit the, sometimes frightening, concessions stand. I've assembled all this on one platform: my iPhone (damn I love technology). Still a work in progress, I'd appreciate feedback.

 

I'm also writing a new weekly series for Mania entitled Saturday Shock-O-Rama. You can find my first go around right here: Count Yorga, Vampire

See you on the flip side.

 

Damn You Invisible Chicken! - Talking w/Rikk Wolf

Hey Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans, what riffing show do you plan on spending your excess disposable income this week? No, there isn't a new Shout! Factory release this week that you forgot about (that's in July). I'm talking about a brand new release of Incognito Cinema Warriors XP; it's the modern riffing show that you've been missing in your fragile little life. I'll have a review of the episode next week. Today I've got a special treat for you ICWXP fans: an interview with the man behind the metal magic, Rikk Wolf!

Q: How did you decide to make the leap from riff show fans to professional riffers extraordinaire?

I’ll let you know when and if we do, ha ha!

We got our start pretty simply. After binging on every MST3k episode I could get my mitts on, I started checking out the fan content floating around online. There were actually a few fan-made episodes I discovered which were produced ages ago under the MST3k name with Tom & Crow replicas and someone playing Mike. I was surprised to find that kinda thing has been going on since before MST3k went off the air!

I had a video camera, studio space, a green screen and some hilarious friends and thought it’d be a blast to get in on the fun, but to put my own spin on it - just for one episode. I love zombies, Mega Man, MST3k and heavy music. So there you have ICWXP.

It was done just for fun thinking virtually no one would see it, but after putting it online and getting a massive response, it was clear a fan base could be built if we really put our backs into it and honed our craft.

Before our second episode even dropped, we’d heard from hundreds of people and even Rifftrax. A few years later and thanks to incredible fan support, the show’s being seen in theaters after screenings of MST3k episodes. It’s overwhelming.



Q: You've got a popular show, you're part of a band; what do you do for an encore? And what does a member of CORPS do for a real life living?

Freelance graphic design, mostly! It’s definitely a battle to make ends meet with the financial burden of producing an online television show, but I manage. I make flyers for bands and promoters and the occasional album cover. I only occasionally get my legs broken by loan sharks.




Q: What's your favorite host segment from MST3K? (or perhaps, which ones have been most influential on ICWXP's sensibilities?)

That’s a tough one. My favorite episode is “The Final Sacrifice”, so probably one of its segments. If I had to choose one as inspiration for ICWXP, probably the one in which Tom Servo delivers his Canadian Pride song from the same episode. No, we don’t hate Canada (though we’re no fans of Nickelback) but the vibe there is something I’d hoped to capture - puppets being inappropriate.




Q: I've described ICWXP to people as a "Heavy Metal, Zombie Apocalypse MST3K", most for ease of analogy. How would you better describe it in just one sentence?

Grown men playing with puppets in a barn? Some of our fans have taken to saying “It’s MST3k for Metal Heads” or “Resident-Mega-MST”. The show’s definitely a tossed salad mash up. I’d say either works well.




Q: What is the real life theater you're using for the exterior shots of the Cine-A-Sorrow?

That’s a real-deal abandoned Dickinson theater in North Kansas City that’s been collecting dust for over a decade now. I actually saw movies there when I was a kid. I never thought of it until recently, but there really is an abandoned theater just a few minutes from where I live. Seems it was meant to be.

It’s a rather mysterious building, tucked away behind a closed down Best Buy, tucked away behind a dying mall with a closed down theater inside and flanked by yet another defunct theater across the road. Abandoned theater alley, that part of the city.

The owners are impossible to reach, probably because it’s slated for demolition. If I had the money I’d buy the place, set up ICWXP shop there and show cult films while producing the show.




Q: You seemed to have switched up formats from season one to season two, with one being a more traditional riffing show (short, full length film with wrap around host segments) to a more live action comedy show with a short film being riffed in the middle. What prompted this shift?

Many factors. Mostly, it’s a time & budget thing. Producing a quality riff of a 20 minute short film is much less time consuming than an hour and a half movie. The show was struggling greatly financially between releases because of the long production times that were a result of being understaffed and overworked. With the shorter format, we can get new episodes out faster and manage to not go broke between them, though we still do rely greatly on fan donations. Some of our core cast was uncertain if they would be able to continue devoting the time it took to work on a full length when the decision was made, as well. There was concern about the show having to take a dirt nap for awhile unless we shortened it down or recast people. We chose to shorten. We hate recasting.




Q: What's the fan reaction been like to that shift and do you plan to keep the new format or move back to something akin to season one?

It went over much better than I personally thought it would, but I can be a worrier. I was up at night thinking there’d be riots in the streets and ICWXP DVDs burning on front lawns. Turns out a few of ourloyal fans politely suggested we offer a little more theater time in the new formula, and starting with Episode 203 that’s exactly what we’ve done. That said, people generally seem to smile a little more now that we have something new to digest out faster.

Season 2 will wrap up with at least one full length episode. Budget allowing, the live action segments will be pretty epic, but of course imbued with sarcastic silliness and goofy characters at every turn.




Q: If you could riff any one film without worrying about rights issues, what would that film be?

Easy! Zardoz. Sean Connery in thigh highs? The riffs will write themselves.


Q: I'll admit that I've only recently come into the ICWXP fold. So tell me: what's the deal with Topsy's ever changing voice (or instead my "perception" of his voice)?

The show’s always been charity work, and with that sometimes comes great uncertainty. No one has network contracts forcing them to appear for a number of episodes, so people are free to come and go as they please, or if we so chose to stop asking them back for one reason or another. Nick Evans (the new voice of Topsy) has bent over backwards for the show time and time again and I’m happy to finally have someone we can absolutely trust at the helm with that character who loves the show and is a pleasure to work with.




Q: I've seen Mike Nelson's quote about ICWXP already; have you gotten any other feedback from former MST3K alum?

We have, actually. They had very nice things to say as well as some constructive criticisms. I’m not at liberty to reveal whom, however (sorry!). The MST cast alumni are some truly unique and amazing people. I’d like to one day meet them all, shake their hands and thank them for changing my life (thusly causing a pitying stare and vigorous hand washing after I leave).




Q: What are you most proud of in Episode 202?

Probably the segment involving Soapy after the short film. That was a real collaborative effort and everyone’s ideas came together to produce a scene that seems to both disturb and cause laughter. I really love the current team we have on the show now.

Thanks again to Rikk Wolf from ICWXP for taking the time answering my questions. Take a long, loving gander at the clip below for a taste of the madness and if you're interested in getting you mitts on an episode head here.

 

What is the 'Cheese? How do you define the 'Cheese?

What the heck is the Midnight Cheese all about? It's a poignant question for anyone to bring up and it might surprise you to learn that even I am sometimes at a loss to provide a satisfying answer. Simple in scope, the Midnight Cheese is my attempt to spotlight the kinds of films many people haven't heard of or perhaps haven't paid attention to. More than that it's a prismatic sphere, taking into itself all of the different media I've digested over the years (including the manner of ingestion) and projects out a rudimentary recalling of the experience. The point, dear reader, is a catfish hiding in muddy waters. With the 'Cheese's recent reanimation, I thought it might be interesting to brainstorm out exactly what the Midnight Cheese is supposed to be. Ride shotgun with me and let's see where this leads.

The Midnight Cheese is USA Up All Night; Gilbert Gottfried and a bowl of popcorn. The lights are out and I'm half hidden under a blanket. Anyone who could run to my aid in the case that the budget horrors depicted on the small screen came alive was fast asleep. I could never quite stay up all night, fading to slumber somewhere along the seven hours which this programming would keep night owls close company. My viewership began before I could even comprehend their edited safe for TV sexploitation films and ran well into my high school years. The films didn't matter. In point of fact this is likely the largest contributing factor to my future love affair with what norms consider "bad movies". I owe USA Up All Night more than one hug could ever convey to an unsuspecting Gilbert Gottfried.

The Midnight Cheese is seeing a 35mm film among a crowd. It's the imperfections inherent in watching a 35 year old 35mm print; The snaps; the crackles; the pops. Knowing that as I behold light blasted across celluloid at 24 frames per second that it's source is forever changed, however minusculely. There's an exchange taking places as it looses some of it's once illustrious luster to effect me and as part of our viewing leaves it's mark in return on the reel. To be shipped across country with nefarious plans it will impact even more malleable minds during it's lifespan. The communal laughter. The quiet agreement during the most terrible moments, that we've all steeled ourselves against, but are still secretly horrified of is all part of the enjoy and the spectacle.

The Midnight Cheese is The Sunday mornings with only the post cartoon-block shenanigans of The Three Stooges to usher us into an afternoon of Godzilla and Rodan. These two and more were our first cultural ambassadors, fascinating us with our own shame reflected back in movie form and enjoyed by those far too young to realize such a thing was amiss. Later, pulp of the silver screen would manifest itself in new clothing as Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. The campy and corny and exactly what I'd expect out of a rainy Sunday morning.

The Midnight Cheese is staying up well past bed time. In youth it was to catch a glimpse of that which was forbidden. At present it's to put off the responsibilities of adultdom just another hour- to take in one more movie. It's seeing the latest horror release at midnight on a Thursday, with work to contend with at the crack of dawn.

The Midnight Cheese is Exhumed Films' Horrorthon, willing the mind to stay awake, refusing to submit to the slowness of 4:30am. It's the communal joy of First Friday Fright Nights at the Colonial theatre, resplendent in it's 108 year old dressings. It's the ridiculousness of tiger man. It's the fun of Cult Cinema shows. It's laughing at The rediculousness of Black Angles, it's groaning in horror at Teenage Mother.

It's enjoyment of the simple. It's giving a pass to the flaws. It's laughter with friends.

It's corny and it's cheesy and it's me laid bare. Certainly, we've got something in common.

Welcome to midnight.

 

The Trailer Dump, Issue No. 14

I love when witty subtitles are playfully and abusively applied to the main event's moniker. Serving as a supplemental dipping sauce, they're poised to enhance your full feature flavor. And so today's unfolding is entitled: The Trailer Dump XIV: 'Sploitating the Shit Outta You Sucka! There, that's more comfortable. Let's get this show on the road jive turkeys.

 

Hell Up in Harlem - (1973)

 

 

Sugar Hill - (1974)

 

 

Black Mama White Mama - (1973)

 

The Dreaded Horror Blindspot: Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter

When mapping out my treasure hunt into Hammer's chest of riches (see part 1 and part 2 of this series), nothing could have prepared me for the sheer blinding awesome that is 1974's Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter. A quick and dirty glance over appropriate IMDB'age reveals that this is apparently the film that was Hammer Horror's iceberg; it's failure to resonate with audiences began the slow death of this storied production company. Having digested all Kronos has to offer, I can't even contemplate how this is possible.

Captain Kronos the man is a hardcore former soldier who's devoted his life to discovering vampire scourges and combating them at every turn. A master swordsman, he's a fantastic physical specimen; honed to both physical and mental edged perfection. He's a face melting metal bad ass traveling about the 1700's European country side, routing riotous villagers and bedding beautiful buxom Caroline Monroe.

He's accompanied by a faithful hunchbacked companion, who refuses to conform to normal cinematic stereotypes. Professor Hieronymus Grost is an arcane lore master of all things vampiric, musing at one point that "there are as many species of vampire as there are beasts of prey". He's a charming and charismatic personality, a master blacksmith, a stalwart companion and a great character. I absolutely loved every scene he's in, most especially the "chess scene" between him and Dr. Marcus.

It's evident from the outset that Hammer was attempting a reinvention of both vampire folklore and also themselves. Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter was designed to be a the first of a long running series staring rugged pre-Viggo Mortenson Horst Janson. He's contacted by an old war buddy, Dr.Marcus, to investigate the strange cases of young girls who are being found rapidly progressed to chronologically challenged hag status. Along the way Kronos frees a young, buxom Caroline Monroe from roadside stocks and invites her along to sexy ends. There's such a marvelous mystery presented within, that I've already said enough and will leave the baton at your feet to run with.

Sadly the film did very poorly at theaters (perhaps American audiences were worn out on Hammer by this point?) and so nothing ever came beyond this one film. Thinking back on it now in the rear view, Captain Kronos -Vampire Hunter was a decades forward thinking flick. The scientific method meets folk legend approach to reasoning out vampiric haunts and weaknesses heavily feels like best parts Hellboy and the logical explanation and methodical implementation of weapons and gadgets (all period appropriate) shows shades of these same aspects as presented in Batman Begins.

Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter is a swashbuckling, euro-gothic, manly-fisticuffs good time. It was sadly passed over and almost forgotten but now you can check it out on Netflix streaming. Try on something new, something sheer, something that might not be your size but might feel so nice next to your skin.

 

 

eX-Fest II: The Revenge in Retrospect

I'm awake.
I'm have a knock knock Neo, down the rabbit hole kind of morning, where coffee offers little solace and small gains toward awakening. I've survived eX-Fest II but not without first having my brain scooped out to marinate in a jar of the tastiest cast off juices that 70's revenge celluloid has to offer. Being the flavor of the day, vengeance belonged to whomever had the biggest balls and baddest ass, regardless of gender. Let's talk a walk , you and I, down my sequence of yesterday's events while I regale you with what whimsies struck me and wreak vengance upon the lesser members of the accompanying audience.

The No Mercy Man

• 1973. AKA: Fire in the Wind, Trained to Kill, Vietnam Soldier.
• Genre fave Sig Haig looks really good and is absolute slimy bad ass here as Pill Box, the leader of a biker gang.
• Society's condemnation of interracial relationships among carney folk leads to breaking and enter, theft, murder and a bad ass biker on soldier gun battle sequence.
• Hardened Vietnam veterans of the highest training often high five in 80's action broseph style after RPG'ing a truck rather than taking cover to avoid submachinegun ventilation.
• If your son comes back as a highly decorated veteran with PDST, the best way to help him is smug disregard, urging him to fist fight you and making him live in the shed. No harm can come of this.
• All it takes to snap a commando out of PDST is the brutal beating into unconsciousness of his father. And the near crucifixion of his mother. And the rape of his sister. Oh, and the rape of his other sister. Make it that far and it's game on for the no mercy man.

Fear is the Key

• 1973.
• Barry Newman, John Vernon and Ben Kingsley - Oh my!
• This film is absolutely boss bad ass for the first thirty minutes while Barry Newman is beating up cops, escaping from court, enjoying hard liquor on Sundays and leading Lousiana state police on a really fucking sweet 20 minute car chase.
• After that half an hour, it takes a shovel to the noggin and begins to believe that it's a second rate James Bond flick.
• I never wanted a 1972 Ford Gran Torino before the first third of this film. If I'm not mistaken, Lousiana state police have an excellent car budget; affording a good number of Pontiac GTO's to wreck at will.

The Man From Hong Kong

• 1975. AKA- The Dragon Flies (get it? With the hang gliding and- nevermind)
• An honest to goodness Ozsploitation Kung-Fu film. Kick arse!
• Relations between Austria and China were not comfortable in 1975. Inspector Fang Sing Leng looks to change all that. With his dick. One Aussie babe at a time. He's a dick-lomat.
• George Lazenby should have played Ron Burgondy by way of Tom Selleck's mustache.
• Hugh Keays-Byrne plays the aptly named police detective Grosse. You might remember him as Toe Cutter, the main antagonist from the first Mad Max film. Lucky for him his role as a police detective didn't require a more conservative haircut, just a slightly smaller dangly earring.
• Watching fat guys in spandex shirts run up Australlian mountain sides should be a god damned Olympic sport.
• I never want to watch hang gliding again. Ever.

Death Weekend

• 1976. AKA- The House by the Lake
• Under the oily thin vaneer of a rape and revenge romp lies the true heart of this film: it's really Yuppiesploitation. I hated Doctor Black the perverted peeping tom womanizer; the elitist consumerist; the purchasing power braggot; on the same level that I hated the gang of alcoholic murderous thugs (bravo film makers!)
• If wanting to add brevity to any diabolical life or death situation, just show quick cuts of the hated dead yuppie's shutgunned face as it ackwardly gets in the way whilst our heroine attempts her mad dash escape.
• Helplessly alcoholic gas station attendants are hysterical. This is especially true when their crippling addiction prevents them from coming to the rescue even when they realize something is amiss through their inebriated haze.
• There was audience appluse during the revenge killings of three of the four gang members. Incredibly strangly the most elaborate comeuppance, involving a boat house, gasoline, a flare and a well hidden valkyrie of vengance, received little fan fare.

Wipeout!

• 1973. AKA- The Boss
• I fucking love Henry Silva! He only has one facial expression, but it's a classic: Wax museum Chevy Chase. He pimps the hell out of that look, no matter the circumstance. Killing dudes with a grenade launcher? Wax Chevy Chase. Banging a girl he loathes? Wax Chevy Chase. Taking a phone call? Wax Chevy Chase but with raised eyebrows! Genius.
• The theme in this film is a hard rockin' bit of guitar and vinegar piss. I felt 13% more awesome everytime it kicked in. (if you know where I can acquire a copy of it, please contact me)
• Nick Lanzetta hates skin flicks.
• Main heavy and over all dick Cocchi heavily resembles Bruce Campbell during the second half of The Man With the Screaming Brain (which was also screened by Exhumed Films).

Vice Squad

• 1982.
• A more fitting title would have been "Inept Police Squad". Seriously: a pimp named Ramrod in a bright blue satin cowboy shirt and on the run from the law manages to be a more effective dectective then all the members of Vice Squad combined.
• I might have mistook this for the early 90's. The only excuses I can bring to bear are exhustion and failing memory.
• The Johns manage to be a slimy collection of harsh truth ground into the patina of the Hollywood prostitute lifestyle (glamorous as it must certainly be).
• If a chauffer hires you on behalf of his master and goes to elaborate pains for the fantasy's illusion, bitch don't you that ruin shit by talking when you see the old man in the pine box waiting to bang you. You're a Hollywood hoe, how much stranger can this possibly be over your normal day to day?
• I really wanted the main cop as protrayed by Emilio Estavez, especially after his star rose at the last Exhumed Films marathon event: the annual 24 hour Horrorthon.

Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS

• 1975.
• While seriously jazzed as the preemptive red backed warning made it's how-do-you-do on screen, as the film proceeded my jubilation escaped me. The situation is simply to close to reality to be entertaining overall. The sequels are much more campy and fun. I'm missing the point though, as exploitation is not always supposed to be fun, infact it rarely can be considered as such.
• This is a nessisary experience on the exploitation spectrum (which is like a much slezier autism spectrum) and anyone who left early is now substantively less whole then they otherwise could have been.

And so the second eX-Fest drew to a close. Overall I would have to say that I had more fun with last year's selections. This is not to say that I didn't enjoy what I witnessed yesterday as it was much more in line with what I'd expect from an exploitation festival. It was sleazier and the price of admission included a small part of what remains of your soul. I'd prefer a healthy mix of the exaggerated sleaze and the over the top fun, but I would by no means complain about the film selections. They were all excellent and they all fit into a day of vengenace laden fun. Yet another bill of entertainment from the fine fellows over at Exhumed Films.

Before I close the book on twelve plus hours of my life, I would be remiss in avoiding some ugly truths.

To the rectal pieces of human refuse who decided that your need to know the time, the hockey score, what your friends were up to or that anything else on your cell phone out weighed everyone else's right to not be sucked out of their movie going experience need to step into traffic. You're incosiderate to the extreme, likely irredeemably so and I respectfully request that you spend your time doing something other than burdoning the planet's population with your continued existance.

To those sitting in the middle section, most notably near the top, it is your responsibility when moving to and fro not to obstruct the projector's radiant beams. If that means you have to bend further forward while moving, by all means do so. I understand that as a sweaty neckbeard film nerd, this might classify as exertion beyond your normal means but by all means attempt to exert anyway. I can literally see you getting fatter as you obstruct the reason why everyone is tolerating being in your presence in the first place.

To the back row, center section folks (most of whom are guilty of the previous two cinematic war crimes) your taste in alcoholic beverages is fucking abismal. Everyone gets one go on this rotating rock around the sun and you're wasting yours drinking fucking Four Loko? I know that you don't know how to properly select what to pour into your mouth hole because despite numerous requests that you not do so from the fine folks of Exhumed Films, you entitled pricks left a bevy of garbage in your wake.

Which brings me to my last point: Hey you entitled nerdbodies who left your trash behind, go fuck yourselves. These guys put on a great show of rare goods to entertain you yet despite that you can't pick up your soda bottle as you exit? Your massive corinary can't arrive soon enough to remove you from our presences.