Top 3 David Carradine Characters

A lot of ideas spooled up and whipped past the front and center of my mind this past week whilst I was penning my tribute to lost actor David Carradine for my column on Mania.com (handy link). Unfortunately, many of them didn't fit the context of that article and could not be included. Luckily I've got the Midnight Cheese to catch those left over vitals, which I've chosen to sautée and serve to you in list form. On the third anniversary of his early exit, stage right, here are my top three favorite characters played by David Carradine. If you've already read this week's Shock-O-Rama, none of this will come as any great surprise (though the ordering arrangement most).

Frankenstein (Deathrace 2000 - 1975)

While I consider Deathrace 2000 the most influential of Carradine's films on me personally, the character he plays here is not my absolute favorite. What isn't to love through about a man who's supposed to have been rebuilt more than Darth Vader when really he's just the newest in a line of trained and costumed imitators? He's sort of like Elvis, if an impersonator secretly took his place each time he died. I want you to seek this film out and so I won't spoil too much here. Let me just say that Frank has the oddest hand grenade ever captured on film thus far.

The Blind Man (Circle of Iron - 1978)

This is only one of four roles played by Carradine in this cinematic instruction manual on eastern philosophy. The Blind Man is most certainly a huge inspiration for the title character of Tarantino's Kill Bill films. He plays a large bamboo flute, which doubles as an effective weapon; he speaks in the seer sing song of riddles and unknowable truthes; and he is much deadlier that he ever comes off in both appearance and conversation. I gave Circle of Iron it's own write up here. Check it out and then see the film.

Bill (Kill Bill Vol. 2 - 2004)

Being the collected embodiment of all of his cult characters who'd come before, there's no way it could be anyone else but Bill. Every monologue delivered is classic Carradine, here movement measured and ever frame showcases another of the hundred ways which he's just so fucking cool. The scene where he plays the flute while telling the bride a tale is one of my favorite committed to film.

So celebrate the legacy, watch an awesome flick and tell you friends about just how bitchin' rad David Caaradine was.

 

Mutant Chronicles: Modern B-Movie Archetype?

The world of cinema changed dramatically in the wake of the force of nature known as Roger Corman, that much is certain. He was the snowball which gathered flakes during his downhill charge, destined to smash convention as an unstoppable landslide of change. B-Movies underwent an irrevocable shift once major studios realized that they could couple the simple, campy plots from small budget pictures with gaudy, over sized budgets. Bruce Campbell argues in his first book, If Chins Could Kill (which you really should read!), that most of the major blockbusters of today are just gussied up B-Movies with money behind them. Independence Day. Transformers. The Happening. Give it a ponder.

This still contains more happenings than The Happening

Meanwhile back on Earth (more specifically on the Ikea couch in my basement, huddled under a handful of blankets with a cat keeping me company) I was winding down the last of my holiday vacation with gray matter relaxing Sunday morning fare on the Polish Syphilis SyFy SciFi channel. When what to my wandering eyes should appear, but something called Mutant Chronicles staring some guys named Thomas Jane and Ron Pearlman. I'll admit that I'm an enormous sucker for celluloid adventures which featuring Mr. Pearlman and Thomas Jane knocked it out of the park in the under appreciated 2004 Punisher adaption.

Mutant Chronicles is a fascinating venture in the digital filming style made famous by Robert Rodriguez with his adaption of Frank Miller's Sin City. Despite a smaller budget overall budget, the effects are exceptionally realized here, screaming that there was vision and style to spare. While the characters are somewhat flat, they manage to fill all of the standard tropes of a group of mercenaries while at the same time injecting just enough personality for there to be clashes within the group. Witty banter aplenty.

If you're unfamiliar with the pen and paper game on which the movie's based, don't worry! Any casual Internet search on the matter will punish you with the sweat and bile of self loathing Internet nerds, sperging over their keyboard the collected sum of all their disappointment that this film takes liberties with the cherished source material in the name of making an entertain romp. I suggest you treat them like all the women in their lives do: with pity and careful avoidance, one hand on the mace in their purse if proximity is considered 'Danger Close'.

Giant Maglights come as standard equipment in 2707

Mutant Chronicles (the film) paddles the stream of time to the year 2707, on an Earth where nearly all natural resources have been depleted and over which four mega corporations wage perpetual war. It is during one of these battles, which resemble a mix of world war one trench combat with steam powered ships, that a great seal is broken. This ancient symbol confined within it a vast machine, which crashed to Earth during the Ice Age. From the machine spring monstrously mutated men with a massive biological spikes for hands. These they use to maim and kill, then drag their conquests to the core of the machine, which in turn transforms these unlucky meat sacks into more killing engines.

Much as with zombies, each casualty replenishes the enemies ranks. Soon the rich and lucky are chartering every available craft to the safety of Mars, leaving billions to the meat grinder. Enter Brother Samuel (Pearlman), a holy man cut from the cloth of an ancient sect. He protect a books with the secret to stopping the horror threatening to engulf the entire planet. Samuel recruits a varied team of mercenaries to deliver a bomb into the heart of the machine, thus ending the doom-come-apocalypse. The action takes us down into the ancient underground ruins of our current world (upon which the world of 2707 is built), below which the fate of the planet is to be decided.

Mutant Chronicles: Helmet piercingly erect

This isn't an amazing film that will kick your ass six ways from Sunday with it's awesome-osity. When you get down to brass tacks though, it's an entertaining, modern day B movie, delivering up exactly what genre fans should have already come to expect from a monster/zombie-retro/future/steampunk-action/adventure flick. If you can't have fun chilling with this lazy Sunday afternoon affair then it's entirely possible that you take the Internez (and their related serious business) far to seriously. Relax and check out something off the wall. Perhaps Mutant Chronicles?

Pontypool: Challenging Your Expectations

In the middle to late 90's, if you told me that we'd have a massive cultural zombie renaissance and accompanying weary-some glut, I'd have told you to fuck off and to go hide in the basement with the mouthy white guy, his abused wife and their soon to be reanimated, garden tool loving daughter. Nevertheless here we are and you've never had more choice chomps for your undead delights. Unfortunately for every new, interesting take on rotters, there's a dozen others that are just looking to cash in on the craze. Hopefully you didn't skip Pontypool.

The title, perhaps it's weakest point, is the reason that I almost passed it over. It's entirely unassuming, just like the film, and so it makes sense in the rear view but does a disservice as an initial hook. The title of the film comes from the name of the Canadian town in which it takes place. It's a small community afflicted by the bitter Ontario winters. We're following recent fired radio shock jock Grant Mazzie, who's on his way to the only gig he could get- morning news man on small town Pontypool's only station. Mazzie is brilliantly played by Stephen McHattie, whom I absolutely loved as Hollis Mason in Watchmen; especially in his last stand scene in the Extended version (arguably on of the best moments of the whole film). Grant is smooth and charismatic, which is absolutely essential in a character driven film with a single set.

That's right, outside of the opening sequence the entire film takes place in the radio studio populated by only three characters- Grant, his producer Sydney and Laural-Ann the tech. Because they are the main source of news for a small town and because they're precisely positioned to intersect the incoming information, we're introduced to the madness of an outbreak in such a unique way: without eyes or even first hand account.  It's tension times ten as all accounts of the hysteria are unconfirmable, with discomfort building on top of itself as call ins end in grotesque screams and with confusing mental hooks. The source of the outbreak might be the most unique ever attempted...but I'll stop right there.

I can't delve further into why Pontypool is such a unique entry into my favorite genre without completely spoiling what makes it so effective for you. This is a flick which zombie fans absolutely cannot afford to pass up, even if you've grown fatigued of the en vogue sugenre. It's so refreshing that it might even wipe some of that fatigue away. The atmosphere sucks you in and the story hooks dig themselves in deeper than an Alabama tick. I'd be fascinated to hear what other zombie fans think of this work. Drop me a line after you see it. It's currently available on Netflix Instant watch.

Troll Hunting for Fun and Profit

If I could quantify my love for new, fascinating films dropping into my Netflix instant queue, I'd need a disproportionately large measurement system. I wonder if I could rent the deck of an aircraft carrier? What's the going rate? It should take an enormous scaling to dish up the delightful cinematic ideas coming out of Norway. If your gore soaked funny bones weren't tickled by Dead Snow (which they should have been, rewatch it noob), then allow Norwegian film making to win you over with the dark fantasy, Troll Hunter.

Love the poster art

Heavily steeped in folklore, Troll Hunter never treats the titular monsters as such. Instead, we're introduced to them by a documentary crew following a government sponsored agent, Hans the Troll Hunter (Otto Jespersen, who is FANTASTIC). Hans is a tired, disgruntled employee who decides to expose the long kept government secret because he's underpaid and sick of government bureaucratics. He's a blue collar worker doing a thankless job which would be extraordinary to anyone else, but to him is simply another day-another dollar. In that sense, he's got a lot of the appeal of Hellboy (my favorite comic book character), minus some of the more overt comedy. For me, Hans makes this film what it is. His weapons and his methods are akin to that of an exterminator, methodically readying specialized equipment to deal with specific variants of pests. (I could also draw parallels to James Woods in John Carpenter's Vampires, but I don't want to call down the slings of arrows of outrageous 'net trolls.)

Our Hero: Hans

The Trolls themselves are thoroughly fleshed out, both scientifically and through associated folklore. There are different subspecies, their traditionally depicted abilities and vulnerabilities are given scientific explanations and they are confirmed as mammals, at one point, by a veterinarian whom Hans consults. Their haunts, behaviors and even physical oddities are cataloged and either exploited or defended against. It's intriguing. It sucks in the part of your brain which is always actively scanning to explain the dark parts of our world and our cultural imagination.

Set in and around Norway, we're treated to amazing vistas - the likes of which draw to mind scenes from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. Waterfalls, mountains, green hills and frozen tundra are all fleetingly seen. Here is where I need to detail my only detractions from what is an otherwise fantastic film. To this point I haven't mentioned the cinematic style or over arching frame work of the story. That's because Troll Hunter is a found footage film. We're viewing through the eyes of an aspiring(and yawningly uninteresting) documentary crew, yearning to drag the mythological trolls screaming into the light of day. Why bring this up while speaking about the beauty of the Norwegian landscape? Because the herky-jerky nature of being a found footage film means the vistas were only glanced at, sideways with a camera sitting on a lap pointed out a window.

Indeed the parkinson's fueled cinematics lend difficulty to following along with the subtitles, which normally become second nature to viewers within a few minutes. I will admit bias on my part- I've grown very tired of the found footage motif. I'd have much preferred this be a traditionally shot piece of motion picture fantasy. It's not enough to ruin viewing experience - but I'd be remiss not to dock it a few cool beans for wearing the well used garb of a trend I'd like to see fade (mostly) away.

Troll Hunter is very awesome. It's a cinematic treat and well worth seeking out. It's apparently already on the fast track for an "Americanization" (since 90% of Americans are lazy fucks unwilling to see a subtitled film) - but it's destined to fail if it doesn't star Otto Jespersen. Chris Columbus had better hope Otto speaks English.

Gore Stuffing

Usually, when I hear "stuffing", my mind flashes directly to any number of horrific scenes of gore filled madness. Below two trailers for Thanksgiving horror films, one which I can't believe got a budget and one that desperately needs to be made.Enjoy these and your turkey day.

Thankskilling

 

Thanksgiving

The 31 Days of Halloween: Day 24

Halloween is the best time of the year. It's a wonderfully indulgent time, where your inner ghoul is given societal license to be put on display. To celebrate it to it's wicked fullest, the Midnight Cheese will be posting every day in October with excellent ways to enjoy the season. Whether it's horror films, video games, books or activities, check back every day for some new Halloween fun.

The Hazing

In preparing a list of topics to discuss for this month long count down, I was bound to come across titles which I had just simply missed out on and was unfamiliar with. In googling for films which take place on Halloween, one in particular caught my attention. I don't know what it was about The Hazing that stopped me from passing it by, but if I'm being honest with myself it was likely the hot girl(Nectar Rose) in the playboy bunny costume wielding a chainsaw on the cover.

What I watched was a rough amalgamation between Evil Dead, House on Haunted Hill (1999) and Night of the Demons with a lot of flair and tons of style. Your basic plots follows five pledges, three guys and two girls, who are participating in cross fraternity/sorority scavenger hunt event. The plan is for them to all meet up in the old creepy house with their collected items, where their pledge masters are waiting with a bunch of gimmicky scares. Of course, things go from wacky teenage hijinx to "oh my god is that my spleen?" faster than you can say "oh my god that IS my spleen!".

Tiffany Shepis is excellent as one of the pledges. I get the impression that she was given license to really have a great time with the role and she certain does steal a lot of the scenes she's in, hamming it up. Nectar Rose also shines as another one of the pledges who does not react to shit hitting the fan at all how you would have expected. Most of the male leads are unremarkable, except for Brad Dourif as Professor Kapps, whos research into occult rituals and human sacrifice is what sets our whole ride into motion.

While it is now out of print, you can watch The Hazing (aka Dead Scared) on Netflix's instant streaming service. That's where I came across it. It's hard to find Halloween movies that are this much fun. You'd think there'd be more, given how much horror fans love the holiday. Here's one more, at least, to add to your list.