Looking Back at a Year of Repertory Hosting '11 (part 1)

As some of you may know, I help select and host repertory cult and horror film showings at the humblingly atmospheric Colonial Theatre in Phoenixville, PA. If you're unfamiliar with this spectacular venue, the Colonial is famously remembered as the theater featured in the 1958 Steve McQueen horror flick The Blob, which they gloriously celebrate each year with a weekend festival dubbed "Blobfest". As you can imagine, it's the perfect local for a monthly late night horror show, which was started in mid-2008 by then local cinofile, Bob Trate. First Friday Fright Night (FFFN) has been an enormous draw for the theater and has been going strong for the past three years.

I've been a rabid attendee since I first heard about it prior to their 3rd show, a 35mm print of the immensely popular Evil Dead, in June '08. In July 2010 I began hosting a bimonthly showing of Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes which was not my first hosting duty at the Colonial but has grown to be my favorite (I love coming up with absurd, embarrassing and fun contests for the pre-show prizes!).

I'm bringing this up because it would become the jumping off point for an entirely separate cult film series (Colonial Cult Cinema) in the middle of this past year (which we'll discuss to in part 2 of this retrospective).

And so it's with all this in mind that I'd like to take a look back at all the cult and horror which has been lovingly showcased at the Colonial Theatre in 2011. Consider this my own "end of year list".

January

Dark City - Ah Dark City! Such a fantastic work, summoning qualities both noir and scifi then painting with a brush of gothic mystery- this flick is an amazing ride which didn't get the recognition it deserved upon release in 1998. The director's cut was screened on Blu-Ray, since there isn't a 35mm print of this version.




MST3K episode #813 "Jack Frost" - This Mike episode centers on lambasting a badly translated dub of what appears to be a beautifully shot Russo-Finnish fairy tale piece. As is typical of all the MST3K shows which I host, there was a pre-show contest for prizes. In this case, I held a "Ricochet-off", where those brave souls who joined me on stage had to out "Ricochet!" each other in the manner of Mike's invention from the Starfighters episode.



February

The Fifth Element - I adore this film. It's marvelous scifi never feels forced and all parts humor and action are as tightly woven strands, marking this as a crowd pleaser that holds up very well. And I'll just throw this out there: Chris Tucker at his absolute best.



March

In the Mouth of Madness - Our first true horror film of the year is commonly held, as host Bob Trate noted at the time, to be the last "good" John Carpenter film (I disagree, but we'll table that until another time). Drawing heavily from H.P. Lovecraft's body of work, we're treated to that special sort of madness which lies outside the limits of man's mortal bounds. Sam Neill turns in an amazing performance.




MST3K episode #417 "Crash of the Moons" - This wonderful episode contains exactly what I always think of when conjuring images of what MST3K means for me: Black and White 50's science fiction with cardboard sets and campy premise. Sure there are better episodes out there, but I dearly love the fun Joel and the bots' have with the adventures of space ranger Rocky Jones. Before the show our contest was an honest to goodness invention exchange. As I recall, the winner created the "Nerdvent Calendar" - in homage to both Advent calendars (with little gifts contained in each day) and all things geek leading up to Blobfest itself. Marvelous!



April

The Terminator - Our third scifi film of the year in the Fright Night spot is a true classic, catapulting it's director James Cameron and star Michael Biehn Arnold Schwarzenegger on to super stardom. Even better, the 35mm print was very clear and well preserved!



May

Maniac - This was an experience, more than just a screening. We were able to showcase a brand new 35mm print of this niche classic. If that wasn't cool enough, we had director William Lustig on hand. He both introduced the film and stuck around for an incredibly informative question and answer session at the conclusion (moderated by cohost to be Joel Rickenbach of You've Got Geek podcast fame). Even more fun for us was the chance to have dinner with Bill Lustig before the show. He was pleasant company and quite the affable chap! Hopefully he'll come back this year for Blobfest (he was floored when he found out he was hosting his movie at "The Blob theater"!)




MST3K episode #1008 "Final Justice" - This Joe Don Baker stinker is perfect fodder which we punctuated with a preshow Cowboy and/or JDB costume contest. Thankfully, no one dressed as Joe Don.



June

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzi across the 8th Dimension - Which is more an impossible situation? For me to do this film justice in simple text form or for you to never have seen it? This amazing original film works so many angles, you might think you're being taken in by some nefarious con. You are being taken for a ride, but you aren't being grifted out of anything but your ignorance. Topping off my first chance to see this gem in 35mm was a showcase of props and collectibles on display thanks to Film Buff Online writer (and dear friend), Rich Drees.

There you have it, part one of our year in repertory review for the Colonial Theatre. Look for part two coming shortly, detailing the changing of the guard that took place and how the Colonial Cult Cinema night took shape.

The Trailer Dump, Issue no.12

I've got a few ideas tumbling around in my think-matter and these trailers were conspirators to steal my concentration (such as it is). I'm starting you off today with a taste of that which is lost and missed very dearly- late night horror hosts. So enjoy the opening to The Vampira Show followed by a smattering of trailers as variable as my tastes seem to be.

Dig in kiddies.

Pumpkinhead


Deep Red


Journey to the Seventh Planet

Zombie Survival Armor: Mark II

Let's chat about zombie defense armor. No, seriously. Let's really delve in to what onionic layers would best keep your tender vittles from the craven jaws of the dead.
I've had this discussion with my friends numerous times. Many of them have not read Max Brooks' seminal work, The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, and that'll probably bite them in the ass (or hand or wrist or neck; anywhere lovingly exposed to wretched death breath). Certainly this book is not the end point of zombie survival discussion, but it is the jumping off point for trendy, informed discussion salons around town. I highly recommend it if for no other reason than that it systematically dismisses many of the mind numbingly stupid ideas which we've been conditioned to think would be effective against the dead who walk. (Shotguns? Seriously, we still think they're the best way to go?)

The word armor conjures up idyllic images of a medieval knight, resplendent in shining armor astride a mighty steed. More like Spam in a can on top of an appetizer to unending hordes of blood mad undead. Consider that all armor designs throughout human history were crafted to protect one man from excruciating pain long enough for them to inflict it on someone else, thus disabling the other from continuing to attack them. As zombies feel no pain, it makes no sense to make that the basis of your conceptual apocalypse armor. Your main concerns should be durability, bite resistance, availability and maneuverability.



So let's suit up. Starting from the inside out, you're going to want anti-microbial underwear. It's a zombie apocalypse, who knows when next you'll be able to change your most personal of garments when you don't even do it daily now! Over that you'll want loose fit, boot cut denim jeans. Skinny jeans are just begging for a crushed nut whilst fleeing (and you're going to need to repeople the earth eventually). Avoid pre-distressed styles - they're going to get fucked up enough over time without giving in to foolish fashions (which are more like feeding holes to happy zombies).

And, of course, you're going to want a sturdy pair of hiking boots. I know you're thinking steel toed work boots would be boss but consider this: have you have had to walk for twelve hours in steel toed work boots? It sucks. Hiking boots are designed for all manner of conditions and for you to be in them all day.
Shirt choice is up to you, really. We recommend something that wicks sweat but vintage tee's are obviously cooler to be found reanimated and walking around in. You'll provide a great comic relief moment as the director pans across zombie you in your XXXL "Make 7/Up Yours" t-shirt.



Next up is the meat to keep your meat safe, actual armor pieces. You're going to want the lightest material you can find that's going to resist bites. For that you want motocross armor. It's incredibly strong composite plastic construction repels lethal infections with great ease and it's available at most sporting goods stores. Not the chest piece though, we'll get to coverage there in a moment. You want the arm to elbow and the knee to ankle coverage afforded by these (now) wonder materials. Since the wrists and hands are highly vulnerable areas, especially when engaged in CQZC (Close quarters zombie combat), It's advisable to wear thin, fitted leather gloves as well, preferable ones that cover to the elbow. You can usually find these in a....

...Leather jacket store: Where you can acquire a motorcycle style leather jacket. Why this style? A fitted, button up neck may just save you from the dreaded corroded dinner bell bite (as in: ring-a-ding-ding, this warm meat sack is going down). This style is also more fitted, giving zombies more trouble in grabbing hold of you and pulling you down to your doom.

So there you have it. High mobility, great durability, near complete bite protection from components which are easily available in most places. The jury is still out on best head wear. A cycle helmet or a riot helmet would seem to grant the most protection but at great cost: vastly diminished hearing. Perhaps it's time to determine the bite resistance of neoprene head socks....

Think I'm crazy? Tell me why!

You've Got Five Minutes: Slasher Edition

In the unlikeliest of circumstances, you are about to find yourself trapped in a horror film. Since we're already accepting this strange scenario, let's take it one step further and examine the anatomy of survival.  Here's the setup: you're in your home, alone. It's night time and you have no phone or computer or if you do they won't work anyway. Through the intervention of some higher power (the writer) you've gleaned knowledge of the future.  In but five minutes' time, your movie scenes begin rolling. What preparations will you make to ensure your survival?

Today's featured sub genre is Slashers; that delightful ballet of creatively crafted kills, titillating teenage tender bits and men-come unstoppable killing machines. Here's what I'd do in my five minutes.

1. Break all of the mirrors - In everyday life, we utilize mirrors to assure ourselves we've configured our look correctly. In slasher flicks, however, they're an irresistible compulsion for film makers to cram in a brutal surprise attack. So, let's remove one of the cheap ways for the screen writer to slaughter me.
   
2. Disguise the circuit breaker box and power lines - Cutting the power is another slasher film technique that puts the audience on edge and makes it easier for the killer to approach for a surprise kill. Remove that power from their iron grasp: disguise the area where power lines enter the house in a Christmas lights display. Sure, it might be the middle of July, but which is worse: neighbors calling you tacky because of a holiday taboo or neighbors calling you tacky because they're standing in your congealed blood? Also construct a false wall in front of the fuse box ala Dawn of the Dead.
3. Eat high fiber cereal - Yet another cinematographic trick, usually cheaply employed in an attempted jump scare, is setting the camera extra close to the victim. This somehow shortens their view to a mere three feet, allowing an enormous monstrosity of meat and blades to be kissably closer than is otherwise possible. With a boat load of fiber in your system, you should be ready to cloud the air around you with noxious flatulence, pushing the camera man back several feet and giving your self several more precious seconds of reaction time.
4. Separate out your car key and place it in your pocket - When making your eventual wounded flight to the car, you've no time to fumble through a keyring full of metal. That gives your nemesis more time to yank your head off like a paper towel. So take that all important car key off the ring and place it in your dominant hand side pocket. As an added bonus, you won't fall on all your keys when taking inevitable tumbles whilst being pursued.

And that's about my five minutes. It's do or die time now. How would you spend your five preparatory minutes?

The Trailer Dump, Issue No.11

Today's taste of trailer torture comes courtesy of Hammer Films. As you might recalled, I'm exploring my Hammer Horror Blind Spot.  As with ,any contemporary trailers, the voice over work is powerful and inspires dread, even if the outlandish claims may not hold true for audiences of today.

Enjoy my friendly fiends.

The Horror of Frankenstein

The Scars of Dracula

The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Women

Top 5 Reasons to Purchase MST3K Volume 22

Oh to be a MSTie!

With the home release fate of our favorite cow-town puppet show in the loving care of Shout! Factory, fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 have been enjoying consistent, rapid fire releases loaded with excellent and interesting special features. This year alone, we've had four major releases: three box sets and a special two disc edition of the Manos: The Hands of Fate. Shout! has also been awesome enough to produce eight reprints of episodes released in previous box sets by Rhino, which are now out of print. Admittedly, these reprints are bare bones in nature, but for those who missed out on the now unavailable box sets for whatever reason, these are a great way to acquire official version of these much loved episodes.

We haven't had it this good since the hay day of Comedy Central, giving us annual Turkey Day marathons. If you're a true MSTie, you won't require any convincing from the likes of me. Instead, please consider this more a list of the best 5 things about this most recent of box sets, tendered reverently from Shout! Factory's hands into your waiting mandibles for consumption.

Quickly, before we jump into your waiting maw of doom, here are the four episodes featured in this set (in case you suck at Amazon.com):

-306: Time of the Apes - A Japanese tv series attempting to cash in on the American Apes mania of the time, truncated into a crummy, nonsensical flick.

-314: Mighty Jack - Mish-mash of episodes five and six of a Japanese tv show set aboard a flying submarine that gently banks from side to side.

-610: The Violent Years - Despite it's violence, this is a truly boring entry in the "teenagers in rebellion sub genre". The overly long preceding short(Young Man's Fancy) is actually more entertaining and better riffed than the main attraction.

-702: The Brute Man - The final performance of Rando Hatton, who's disfigurement lead to him playing the rough thug in many films. Here he's "The Creeper", a shadowed monster who steals in order to fund the surgery of a blind woman he loves.

If you're looking for five hundred words each on episodes you've probably seen a dozen times, I'm certain any number of other reviewers of this set can hook you up. Now let's get to the good stuff.

1. More Sandy Frank episodes!
Sandy Frank is best known for importing (and hilariously poorly dubbing) the Gamera films and several Japanese TV shows and films to the American market. No less than eleven of these Sandy Frank imports were riffed as episodes for MST3K and on many occasions the mockery extended beyond the meterial to teasing the film distributor himself. This perceived animosity had led to the belief that all 11 Sandy Frank episodes would never see home release. A myth dispelled like so much Gamera flatulence with Shout! Factory's special five disc set revolving around the giant friend of children turtle monster in July. MST3K Box Set 22 contains two Sandy Frank episodes: Mighty Jack and Time of the Apes. Keep your fingers crossed that the two Fugitive Alien episodes are forth coming as they're excellent.

2. The Making of MST3K (1997)
This, the second such special, has an unfair advantage over it's predecessor: It isn't narrated by the hated (by MSTies far and wide) Penn Gillett. Twenty-five minutes in running time, this special was filmed during season 8 and features some awesome insights from the cast and crew (much of which you likely already know from years of scouring the Internet, but still, it's great to get an official release of this). Mike and the bots riff the behind the scenes footage itself, as you'd expect them to, and the history of the show up to that point is illuminated for your personal edification.

3. Four new mini posters from Steve Vance
As with all of the Shout! Factory releases, artist Steve Vance graces us with his interpretation of Servo and Crow taking on the episode in question. While they're also on the individual DVD's display cases, it's always awesome to receive them bundled in as separate posters too. This time around, it really feels like Mr.Vance stepped up his game in an effort to include more details and action in the background. Kudos to him; I love these little posters.

4. The DVD Menus of MST3K
Hopefully you've spied with you little eyes the steady evolution of the DVD menus from static images accompanied by music from the film being riffed? Surely you've noticed that the menus themselves are now entertaining short form comedy in their own right with 3d renderings of Tom, Crow and the SOL? This fascinating extra takes you behind the propulsion pushing it forward. A man - in point of fact - not a fuel source as such. This extra gives a detailed glimpse behind that creative process.

5. Turn Down your Lights were applicable
This prompt would be seen just prior to the theme song for each episode of the show from the first episode of season 2 (201 - Rocketship XM) through the fourth episode of season four (404 - Teenagers from Outer Space) but had been noticeably absent from most of the home video releases (It was included on the previous set as all five Gamera episodes began with it). Shout! Factory has again listened to the MSTie outcry and has included it on both Sandy Frank episodes, allowing these episodes to begin as they're supposed to!

As always, Shout! Factory takes the ball and (insert relevant sports metaphor here- depending on the ball taken). They Rule. There's more special features I didn't mention including: an introduction to The Brute Man by Mary Jo, introductions to Might Jack and Time of the Apes by Japanese cinophile August Ragone, Ed-ucation: Archival Interviews with Delores Fuller and Kathy Wood and the MST Hour Wraps for Time of the Apes.

The only thing missing is an announcement detailing the next set's episodes! God it feels good to be a MSTie.

Pontypool: Challenging Your Expectations

In the middle to late 90's, if you told me that we'd have a massive cultural zombie renaissance and accompanying weary-some glut, I'd have told you to fuck off and to go hide in the basement with the mouthy white guy, his abused wife and their soon to be reanimated, garden tool loving daughter. Nevertheless here we are and you've never had more choice chomps for your undead delights. Unfortunately for every new, interesting take on rotters, there's a dozen others that are just looking to cash in on the craze. Hopefully you didn't skip Pontypool.

The title, perhaps it's weakest point, is the reason that I almost passed it over. It's entirely unassuming, just like the film, and so it makes sense in the rear view but does a disservice as an initial hook. The title of the film comes from the name of the Canadian town in which it takes place. It's a small community afflicted by the bitter Ontario winters. We're following recent fired radio shock jock Grant Mazzie, who's on his way to the only gig he could get- morning news man on small town Pontypool's only station. Mazzie is brilliantly played by Stephen McHattie, whom I absolutely loved as Hollis Mason in Watchmen; especially in his last stand scene in the Extended version (arguably on of the best moments of the whole film). Grant is smooth and charismatic, which is absolutely essential in a character driven film with a single set.

That's right, outside of the opening sequence the entire film takes place in the radio studio populated by only three characters- Grant, his producer Sydney and Laural-Ann the tech. Because they are the main source of news for a small town and because they're precisely positioned to intersect the incoming information, we're introduced to the madness of an outbreak in such a unique way: without eyes or even first hand account.  It's tension times ten as all accounts of the hysteria are unconfirmable, with discomfort building on top of itself as call ins end in grotesque screams and with confusing mental hooks. The source of the outbreak might be the most unique ever attempted...but I'll stop right there.

I can't delve further into why Pontypool is such a unique entry into my favorite genre without completely spoiling what makes it so effective for you. This is a flick which zombie fans absolutely cannot afford to pass up, even if you've grown fatigued of the en vogue sugenre. It's so refreshing that it might even wipe some of that fatigue away. The atmosphere sucks you in and the story hooks dig themselves in deeper than an Alabama tick. I'd be fascinated to hear what other zombie fans think of this work. Drop me a line after you see it. It's currently available on Netflix Instant watch.

Troll Hunting for Fun and Profit

If I could quantify my love for new, fascinating films dropping into my Netflix instant queue, I'd need a disproportionately large measurement system. I wonder if I could rent the deck of an aircraft carrier? What's the going rate? It should take an enormous scaling to dish up the delightful cinematic ideas coming out of Norway. If your gore soaked funny bones weren't tickled by Dead Snow (which they should have been, rewatch it noob), then allow Norwegian film making to win you over with the dark fantasy, Troll Hunter.

Love the poster art

Heavily steeped in folklore, Troll Hunter never treats the titular monsters as such. Instead, we're introduced to them by a documentary crew following a government sponsored agent, Hans the Troll Hunter (Otto Jespersen, who is FANTASTIC). Hans is a tired, disgruntled employee who decides to expose the long kept government secret because he's underpaid and sick of government bureaucratics. He's a blue collar worker doing a thankless job which would be extraordinary to anyone else, but to him is simply another day-another dollar. In that sense, he's got a lot of the appeal of Hellboy (my favorite comic book character), minus some of the more overt comedy. For me, Hans makes this film what it is. His weapons and his methods are akin to that of an exterminator, methodically readying specialized equipment to deal with specific variants of pests. (I could also draw parallels to James Woods in John Carpenter's Vampires, but I don't want to call down the slings of arrows of outrageous 'net trolls.)

Our Hero: Hans

The Trolls themselves are thoroughly fleshed out, both scientifically and through associated folklore. There are different subspecies, their traditionally depicted abilities and vulnerabilities are given scientific explanations and they are confirmed as mammals, at one point, by a veterinarian whom Hans consults. Their haunts, behaviors and even physical oddities are cataloged and either exploited or defended against. It's intriguing. It sucks in the part of your brain which is always actively scanning to explain the dark parts of our world and our cultural imagination.

Set in and around Norway, we're treated to amazing vistas - the likes of which draw to mind scenes from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. Waterfalls, mountains, green hills and frozen tundra are all fleetingly seen. Here is where I need to detail my only detractions from what is an otherwise fantastic film. To this point I haven't mentioned the cinematic style or over arching frame work of the story. That's because Troll Hunter is a found footage film. We're viewing through the eyes of an aspiring(and yawningly uninteresting) documentary crew, yearning to drag the mythological trolls screaming into the light of day. Why bring this up while speaking about the beauty of the Norwegian landscape? Because the herky-jerky nature of being a found footage film means the vistas were only glanced at, sideways with a camera sitting on a lap pointed out a window.

Indeed the parkinson's fueled cinematics lend difficulty to following along with the subtitles, which normally become second nature to viewers within a few minutes. I will admit bias on my part- I've grown very tired of the found footage motif. I'd have much preferred this be a traditionally shot piece of motion picture fantasy. It's not enough to ruin viewing experience - but I'd be remiss not to dock it a few cool beans for wearing the well used garb of a trend I'd like to see fade (mostly) away.

Troll Hunter is very awesome. It's a cinematic treat and well worth seeking out. It's apparently already on the fast track for an "Americanization" (since 90% of Americans are lazy fucks unwilling to see a subtitled film) - but it's destined to fail if it doesn't star Otto Jespersen. Chris Columbus had better hope Otto speaks English.